Each Child is Their OWN Person
Jun 12 '00
While I DON'T have a "large" family (YET! <smile>), coming from a family of six kids, I THINK I have some insight on things, coming from the CHILD'S point of view.
My brothers and sisters were all born in the 1950s, where large families were the "norm". They went to school in the 1950s and 1960s, had friends that had large families and never felt "out of place".
They grew up WITH each other, did things together, learned at the same schools at ABOUT the same time, with each other. After school activities, music lessons, dance lessons...everything was done by ONE of my siblings.
Then, *I* came along. The next oldest to me was in 1st grade...so I was REALLY the "baby" of the family. By the time I started school...only three of my siblings were still in school...no, two of them were...the others had all "dropped" out at the age of 16.
Once I hit second grade (in the 1970s) large families were NOT the "norm" and MY family was MOST unusual! Why? Well, here *I* was, second grade, with one brother in the Navy, a sister who was married, and the other three siblings were driving, and working. My friends siblings...they were either IN our school WITH us (different grade, of course <smile>) or in "Nursery school.
Third grade, I became an aunt! My friends thought this was just SO COOL! I did, too...but felt like an oddball! <smile>
Now, on to why I was "cheated" while growing up. Parents need to realize EACH child is an individual...no two children are alike. My parents didn't realize this...and being the "baby" I was cheated out of MANY things that *I* wanted to do.
Some examples ... second grade, my best friend was in ballet...WOW! That looked FUN! Her and other classmates were "practicing" in school one day. I got home and BEGGED my Mom to let me take ballet. Was I able to? NO! Why? Well..."Your sister took ballet for YEARS! And look at her today. She is a KLUTZ!" (This was one of the only times I recall my parents AGREEING with each other!) And, actually...this was true. She was the only one in our family who would stand up from the table, and fall! Was it from taking ballet? I doubt it! But, because of that *I* wasn't allowed to take ballet.
Violin. In school, it was free for the lessons...the ONLY thing the child had to do was practice a certain amount of hours each week. Well, since my OTHER sister tried it, and quit after a week, it was assumed that *I* wouldn't like it, either.
Guitar lessons. Two of my brothers had guitar lessons, BUT, because they got into an argument one time, and one brother broke the guitar over the other brothers head...it was assumed that once again *I* would do this, too!
Then there was girl scouts...I was allowed to join...but my Mom was so...how should I say this...AGAINST letting me GO anywhere with them (camping..."no, you CAN'T go...it's TOO far from home!" The Memorial Day Parade..."no, your brothers/sisters never made it the whole way..you'll be tired"... ) that I eventually just quit. "I KNEW you wouldn't like it!" I was told. HMmm, wonder WHY I didn't like it?
Once I hit 16...I followed the path my siblings laid...I quit school. Bad move, I know...there is a long story to that in which, once more my parents figured I was like my siblings...(short version, in 9th grade I was told that the school system felt that I could take the diploma test, AND PASS...but the guidance counselor, the principal, the social worker all told me that I shouldn't, and since Mom didn't say "yes...TRY it!" I didn't).
The purpose of this long, boring opinion on large families is that, IF you choose to have a large family (in today's world...I *think* three kids is considered "large"), treat EACH child as an individual...just because child one didn't like whatever...that doesn't mean child two won't like it! Give EACH child some one-on-one time...hey, let them stay up 20 minutes later then the rest! LISTEN to what they say, let them EACH try something and decide on their own if they like it...and, above all...NEVER, EVER tell them "you are JUST like your sister/brother" Or "Why can't you be like_______".
After thought...While I SHAMEFULLY admitted that I quit high school, those teens still in high school, stick with it! Get your diploma! I FINALLY got my GED 5 years ago...and can PROUDLY say that *I* GRADUATED high school! And, the GED is NOT an easy test to take...stay in school and graduate.
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rcec1995
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