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I AGREE WITH BOTH OPINIONS:cddull vs. fstbrkJun 15 '00 Write an essay on this topic.I recently read two reviews on Children and Self-Esteem. The URLs are at the end of this opinion if you would like to check them out. These opinions seem to be presented as opposing points of view, but in my opinion both reviews have strong points. Can you spell C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E ? M-I-D-D-L-E-G-R-O-U-N-D ? This is what produces well balanced children with high self-esteem and inner strength, in my opinion. It is my viewpoint that children should not only be praised for their responsible handling of bad situations, but also for the little things in life. I am not advocating false praise for deeds not earned but there are so many ways to stress the positives. Surely you can find at least one thing each day that your children have done right. Little comments like, "I appreciated you doing your chores after school today without me nagging you" or a frequently stated verbal "I love you" or just a hug, or a "That's a good idea, I wouldn't have thought of that"(implying he is smart without actually saying so) or "I see you remembered to change Rover's water today without me reminding you, you're really getting to be responsible" type comments can go a long way in creating self-worth in anyone, whether adult or child. Instead of a generic "you were born special" tell him why he's special."You really have a way with animals," or "I'm so proud of you, you made the team your freshman year, I couldn't get on the team until my Junior year," "It was really thoughtful of you to do this or that." Even in a negative situation you can turn it into a positive experience with a comment like, "I don't approve of what you did and this is why, but I appreciate your honesty in admitting you were wrong this time. It takes a good person to be able to admit his mistakes and learn from them. Can you tell me what you learned from this experience?" What is likely to cause more harm is constantly stressing the negatives, with comments like, " I can't believe you're so stupid" or "What did I ever do to deserve a son/daughter like you?" or "Are you eating again, you look like a fat cow already, no one will want to date you." Or telling a child "you can't do this or that because you're handicapped or have asthma, or you're too short or too poor." This type of negative reinforcement does SO MUCH MORE harm than over reinforcement of positive actions. It has been my experience that people live up to what you expect of them, if they think you think they are bad, they will be bad. If they think you think they are good, they will try not to let you down in that faith. As a teenager, didn't you ever hear someone say, "Well they're always accusing me of it anyway, so I might as well do it?" In my opinion, this is the way children develop low self esteem, by being constantly told that they aren't good enough for whatever. I agree you should not let your child pass the blame for his failures on to others. The sports example in one of the other reviews was a good analogy. However, you can still turn such an event into a positive lesson by both pointing out that the coach wasn't just picking on him or playing favorites, but also reinforce his self esteem with a comment like, "Well, most freshmen don't make the first string, but if you practice hard this summer I'm sure you'll make the team next year." In this way you are letting him know that he is not a failure because he didn't make the team, but rather that he is just inexperienced. You are also encouraging him to take responsibility for whether or not he will make the team next year, by leaving it up to him to take the initiative to improve his skills. by cddull http://aaanativearts.epinions.com/kifm-review-7435-DDCEA34-3936B06C-prod1 by fstbrk http://aaanativearts.epinions.com/kifm-review-1A29-B54706B-3947E232-prod2  |
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