Labels are for Blue Jeans...Not People
Jun 05 '00
Stay at Home Mom. Working Mother. For many of us, terms such as these conjure up a variety of images and stereotypes. Images that are frequently inaccurate and unflattering. In an age of political correctness where we strive not to define people by their ethnic or racial heritage, why is it still appropriate to define and label people and in particular, mothers, by their occupation (or lack thereof) and a simple acronym?
Although there are always exceptions to the rule, both groups of women suffer equally at the hands of the uninformed. Venture onto any message board on the World Wide Web and you will find enough derogatory comments and mud-slinging aimed at both to last a lifetime. Stereotyping of some people it seems, is still acceptable.
I have worn many different labels during my adult years. Not all of them willingly. Most have been fostered upon me by society and like a designer label on the back of a pair of blue jeans, they are nearly impossible to remove...Executive; Yuppie; Working Mother; Stay at Home Mom. Each came with an image or stereotype that was either good or bad...depending on your own particular point of view.
The label that I reluctantly wear today is Stay-at-Home-Mom (SAHM). If I am to believe what society and Internet message boards tell me, I am lazy, lacking in ambition and uneducated. My day revolves around diaper changes, soap operas and the Internet. My opinion is to be both distrusted and discounted. Ironically, if I worked in a daycare center taking care of other people’s children, my work and opinion would be deemed valuable. A paycheck it seems, is everything.
I detest the SAHM label, as it does not define me any more than the type of car that I drive or the town in which I live. I am anything but lazy or uneducated and remain focused and ambitious. I also equally reject the terms Homemaker or Housewife. I neither built my home or married my house. If anything, like my days in the corporate arena, I remain a manager. I manage my home like a corporation with some concessions given for family dynamics. Nepotism and favoritism rule to some degree and I lack the authority to fire my husband for neglecting his work at home or general incompetence. Yet, a corporate manager I am and will remain.
I am highly skilled, yet have no paycheck to validate me. I have never watched a soap opera in my life and Internet usage occurs early in the morning or late at night and if I’m lucky, during a mid-day beak. My home is clean and well organized. I am not surrounded by filth and nowhere is there a bon-bon in sight (my husband ate them). Like any job, boredom and repetition can be a factor. Sometimes I miss the excitement of my former corporate job and the world travel. My passport expired long ago and while I no longer travel to exotic destinations like Hong Kong or Bangkok, I continue to travel along the journey of motherhood and self discovery and into a child’s world of make believe and fairy tales. It is no less satisfying. My life has meaning. My life has purpose.
If you firmly believe that a person’s worth is determined by their level of education or their chosen career path, than I challenge you to rethink your position. What happens when you lose your job or career due to illness or a corporate merger? Am I to consider you worthless? What about when you one day retire? Am I to believe that your brain ceased functioning the moment you stopped drawing a paycheck and a corporate expense account? Why then, do you consider the opinions of women (or men) who have simply chosen an alternative career path...raising tomorrow’s scientists, inventors, leaders and parents to be less valuable than your own?
Working Mothers too face their share of negative stereotyping. A frequent target of conservative groups, they are blamed for everything from the rising divorce rate to the general destruction of our society and its value system. They are considered less dedicated parents. Choosing the prestige of a career or a paycheck over their children. Having walked a mile in their proverbial moccasins (albeit briefly), I know that this assessment is not only inaccurate but as damaging as any label levied against Stay-At-Home-Mothers.
Like others, I have been guilty of both assigning labels and readily accepting those thrust upon me: Stay-at-Home-Mom. Homebirther. Attachment Parent. Do these labels define me and my beliefs? To some degree yes, but to a greater degree, no. If I define myself as a Homebirther, does that mean that I am against hospital births? No...on the contrary. If I define myself as an Attachment Parent, does that mean that other parents who do not co-sleep or breastfeed are “detached” from their children? Again, no. If I define myself as a Stay-at-Home-Mother or simply “mother”, does that mean that I don’t “work”, or that I perceive myself to be a better mother than one who travels to an office each day? No. I am a working mother by any definition and I do not consider myself better or worse than anyone else.
Labels belong on blue jeans, not people. Like all stereotypes they are damaging. From this day forward, I will no longer define myself as anything other than what I am...HUMAN.
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Home_Birther
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