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Re: thank you (Reply to this comment)
by LILvoyce
Bless you
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May 23 '06
4:01 pm PDT
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thank you (Reply to this comment)
by purewater2007
i dont know who you are, i just typed "cheating husband wife" in google hoping that i would find encouragement for me to cheat but it was your article first came out. i can say that you saved my marriage.thank you. it was a good lesson for me. thank you very much again and again.
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Aug 26 '05
1:53 am PDT
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Re: Re: Re: DON'T BE FREAKED OUT. (Reply to this comment)
by LILvoyce
I would say that most of my emails were wanting me to tell them whether or not they should leave their spouses.
My advice: Stop listening to all of the advice. Decide whether or not you still love this person. Is this person willing to get help? If so, try some counsiling.
Also, I would suggest that before you marry someone take a long look at their emotional baggage that they are lugging around. What are their insecurities? Are you going into a marriage with a ton of problems?
Don't have children unless you are both emotionally stable.
You know people will offer all sorts of advice. "You need to stay for the kids." Or how about, "You need to leave his/her rotten behind."
No one knows really unless they are in your shoes. They have not a clue. You have to follow your heart and learn from all of the mistakes.
I really believe that if two people are willing to work through their problems that anything can work. It can't be one sided. It involves work on both sides.
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Jan 01 '04
5:15 am PST
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Re: DON'T BE FREAKED OUT. (Reply to this comment)
by LILvoyce
Believe me nothing freaks me out any more. I have heard it all. I have had over 5132 visitors to this essay and over 300 emails. You would be suprised what I have heard.
-Some men like me are the REAL one's who are insecure, and require the attention of multiple women even though married.
What makes you so insecure? Are you saying that you are insecure about not being able to satisfy your spouse? Is that right to impose your insecurities in your marriage? Why not deal with the problems instead of medicating them with other women?
-I guess we will allways have something to prove. Prove to who? Yourself? Your ego? Your Wife?
- But the key is honesty.
Honest to whom?
-For instance, I have never cheated on my wife, because I always tell her when I sleep with another woman.
-sounds like she is settling, or perhaps she has given up?
-SHE'S the one in this relationship who's not insecure. She knows I'll always love her, but I'm still a man.
Funny way to show your love. What about Aids and other diseases? What if she contacts Aids because of your infedelity? That would be a terrible way to show your love! Do you really love her? Do you really want to put her at risk because of your insecurites?
-And believe me, the drive is even more so these days with more public nudity, and all the pornography and temptation and what not.
Have you ever read the bible? Temptation has been around since Adam and Eve. Get kinky with your wife, sheesh.
-I'm not saying I'm write or wrong or that my method works for you, but the emphasis on honesty.
Your method?
Well if I were your wife I would honestly leave you, and that is being honest. Because if I were honest with myself, I would not risk my life because of my husbands insecurities. I would not enable him. I would tell him to get help or get out! For real. I would say that you are not being honest with yourself.
Don't you want to be happy? Tell me you are happy sleeping with all of those women. REally and Be HONEST!
>You might try spice things up by taking a quick stop to the adult bookstore and suprise him. Us men always love that.
Hey, I am not a party pooper! It doesn't matter what you do as long as it is between the person you are married with only. Swing from the trees like Tarzan, play nurse maid, handcuffs, bull whips, whipped cream, fudge syrup, and cherries, whatever it takes.
I would do whatever it took to please my husband as long as it did not comprimise my beliefs, my health, or my marriage.
Now, I hope you are not freaked out by my comments.
Lilvoyce-
The Freaky Deaky Chick: For her Husbands Eyes ONLY!
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Dec 27 '03
12:39 am PST
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DON'T BE FREAKED OUT. (Reply to this comment)
by profools
Some men like me are the REAL one's who are insecure, and require the attention of multiple women even though married. I guess we will allways have something to prove. But the key is honesty. For instance, I have never cheated on my wife, because I always tell her when I sleep with another woman.
SHE'S the one in this relationship who's not insecure. She knows I'll always love her, but I'm still a man. And believe me, the drive is even more so these days with more public nudity, and all the pornography and temptation and what not.
I'm not saying I'm write or wrong or that my method works for you, but the emphasis on honesty.
You might try spice things up by taking a quick stop to the adult bookstore and suprise him. Us men always love that.
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Dec 16 '03
5:59 am PST
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Re: Re: Re: Here's a question... (Reply to this comment)
by LILvoyce
I am soooo sorry I was not able to reach you sooner!!!! I am sure you have already confronted him by now.
Women have a sixth sense and when we sense trouble we always go digging. It is only natural. Don't beat yourself up about it. I would have done the same thing.
I hope things are better for you. Please email me if you need to talk. It takes about two years to get over the hurt providing he straightens his act up and/ or you left him.
I hope you are strong.
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Dec 11 '03
7:32 pm PST
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Re: I have cheated and denied it for so long (Reply to this comment)
by LILvoyce
Wow..I am so sorry I have not answered you back. I did not know that people were still reading my older reviews.
You know this pain will pass. Sooner or later he will come to a point where he can forgive you, or at least be civil. This will take several months, and unfortunately it is the child who will pay for these months.
I would suggest possibly making a pact with him to be civil around each other. Children can sense things really easy.
Bless your heart, and I hope that you get the help that you need to be able to live a fufilling life.
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Dec 11 '03
7:28 pm PST
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Re: Re: Here's a question... (Reply to this comment)
by plainandsimple
hello LILvoyce-
i'm married for 4 years now - we've dated for about 9 years before getting married - i lived in the bay area for about 4 years of our dating years (towards the end of our dating/before we got married) - while i was in the bay area, long story short, i found out my boyfriend, now husband cheated on me. again long story short, i found out just recently that she was in town and for some reason i had a feeling she was going to contact my husband - low and behold, she did. i was out of town this past weekend and found out that they were in communication with each other while i was away. i am totally freaked out and extremely insecure about the whole thing. he cheated w/her while i was away, and now she's married too, but keeping in touch w/my husband. i found out about this from his palm pilot (we share the same software) and i am going crazy. he is not the type of person to deal w/confrontation - i'm too scared to approach w/the siutaiton because i don't want him to think i was snooping around (even though, long story short, i was).
i guess i'm writing to you because i'm so fed up of dealing with this crap and i don't know how to approach him. as i mentioned above, she's married too, but the fact that he's in communication w/her and is hiding it from me-is driving me mad. he's not a communicator and i don't know what to do or say to him. does this make sense?
help!
plainandsimple
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Jul 14 '03
9:06 pm PDT
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I have cheated and denied it for so long (Reply to this comment)
by ifeelbad
I cheated because I felt so hurt after putting so much trust into someone.I have had so many failed relationships and it was all because I didnt take the time to know everything about the person I was involved with and it's not the first time i've done that. cheating was my way of dealing with the hurt...so I thought anyway.I only ended up doing more damage to myself.I dont know why I resort to cheating when things like this happens.
Im paying a huge price right know, my ex has custody of our one year old daughter and will not let me see her...I strongly feel this is wrong and I don't feel this is the answer,I know I was wrong but keeping a child from her mother is pure evil. he hates me for cheating and I hate him for keeping my daughter from me.I once loved this person and we been through so much,he tells me to this day I will have to make reparations for the things I have done. I must admit that the only reason he is getting cooperation out of me is because of my baby.There is so much to this situation that I will later make another comment...what I havent explained is all that he did and didn't do that drove me to straying.
But straying isnt the answer.
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Jun 20 '03
8:45 am PDT
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Re: Here's a question... (Reply to this comment)
by LILvoyce
I myself would NEVER cheat on my spouse. I have never cheated and never will. Do I think that it could help a marriage. NO! I think that if you decided to keep your marriage after this ordeal it tends to put a huge strain on the realationship. It may even be considered unrepairable. Or if it is repairable it may take years just to get back what you have once had. I would recommend family counciling. You may realize that cheating is not what you really wanted. You will be glad you got help instead of cheating. I hope I have answered your question.
Lilvoyce
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Oct 21 '00
9:19 pm PDT
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Sounds like you know of what you write... (Reply to this comment)
by Mom2TyZick
very good comments and a great review. Not an easy subject to write about, I'm sure! Thanks for the read! Suzanne
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Oct 19 '00
5:30 pm PDT
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Re: Please... (Reply to this comment)
by LILvoyce
From now on I will. I went out and bought a computer just so I can make paragraphs here at Epinions. Aren't you proud of me? LOL!
Lilvoyce
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Oct 16 '00
7:03 am PDT
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Here's a question... (Reply to this comment)
by crankybeer
If you love your spouse, do you think cheating can in any way make the marriage better?
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Oct 16 '00
6:33 am PDT
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Re: Your review is wonderful.. (Reply to this comment)
by trphilip
You are wise Lilvoice, thats why I trust you.
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Oct 11 '00
12:40 am PDT
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Re: Your review is wonderful.. (Reply to this comment)
by LILvoyce
Thank you. I don't think it is healthy to stay in a relationship just for the sake of the child. I think that rather than cheating why not be honest and up front with the spouse. If you are going to end a relationship then get a divorce before you find someone else. I want people to think of their children before they cheat. It puts so much strain on the children whether the parents stay together or not. If a person feels like they are not getting enough attention with their spouse then they need to be upfront and honest. It makes things so much easier when there is honesty. Whether you leave or stay in a marriage and you have children it is better to try and maintain a certain level of respect for each other. So much is lost when you cheat.
I want to thank you for commenting. I find it interesting to hear the man's point of view on things.
I am working on a part 2 review on this topic.
Take Care
Lilvoyce-Barbara
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Oct 10 '00
8:37 pm PDT
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i've got a soft heart... (Reply to this comment)
by kyhiera
and i agree w/ what you propose.
I have always asked for that type of respect - and will always give it in return.
But everyone is not the same...
Thanks for your review.
Kyhiera
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Oct 10 '00
11:32 am PDT
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Re: Your review is wonderful.. (Reply to this comment)
by trphilip
I just realized how one-sided that sounded. Let me correct myself by saying that everything I mentioned above goes both ways. Women are the most beautiful creatures on the planet and sometimes are not nearly appreciated enough. I for one, adore ladies and thank God everyday for the wisdom and beauty.
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Oct 10 '00
8:30 am PDT
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Your review is wonderful.. (Reply to this comment)
by trphilip
but there are a few points I differ with. It seems as though you are trying to tell people to stick together for the child's sake. After years of living in denial, I realized that I could not stay for my son. I had to leave the marriage FOR me and for him too. It was unhealthy to stay any longer.
And I dont think it is healthy to cheat on your spouse, but most people do it not for sex, but because they are lacking something in the relationship with the person to whom they are married. Men are extremely egotistical *s* and have a hard time realizing that they need affection and genuine loving. They think its all physical, but it runs much deeper than that. I feel today, women are forgetting to treat their men like men. They are not appreciated lke they should be. Im not talking about bringing the slippers and doing the dishes, Im talking about taking the time to make a man feel wanted. I just dont see it that often anymore. So men tend to wander for the attention. Sorry about the rant. You are a great writer and I love your reviews. You express and evoke such emotion with your words.
Tom
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Oct 10 '00
8:27 am PDT
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Re: I know you already know this (Reply to this comment)
by LILvoyce
Thankyou, and no I am totally lost about using the bold print. Thankyou so much for trying to help and sending me that info. I will try this bold print out and see what happens.
Thanks-a-Bunch!
Lilvoyce
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Oct 09 '00
7:43 pm PDT
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Thanks (Reply to this comment)
by Jennd417
for a great review. My husband, no he is not evil,lol...committed infedelity in our marriage. It was the most painful thing I have ever been through. I must say after months of counseling that we did find the root of our problems. We are still together and stronger than ever. Thanks for a great review, Jenn
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Oct 09 '00
6:26 pm PDT
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Re: I know you already know this (Reply to this comment)
by BlackCat2
LILvoyce,
Maybe you could use a bold tag to seperate the paragraphs. Just take the first letter of the first word in your new paragraph and put the bold tags around it.
Just a thought though. I like your reviews regardless of spacing etc. If I think of anything else will let you know.
=^..^= BlackCat2
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Oct 09 '00
3:59 pm PDT
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Re: I know you already know this (Reply to this comment)
by LILvoyce
I have been told that it is some sort of a bug with epinions. They are not able to fiix it right now. I have no problems paragraphing at other sites. I do press the return key and make my review with paragraphs but once it is submitted it jumbles up into one big paragraph. Have any suggestion? I hate for my reviews to be like this.
Thanks Lilvoyce
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Oct 09 '00
9:55 am PDT
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I know you already know this (Reply to this comment)
by mcgina
but the dots-for-paragraph thing makes this really hard to read. Does WebTV not let you use the return key to start a new paragraph?
I'm glad you put in an explanation as to why you didn't use paragraphs. I probably would have HR'd this if it would have been easier to read, but I would have SR'd it if you hadn't put in that WebTV explanation.
/gina
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Oct 09 '00
8:38 am PDT
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great review. (Reply to this comment)
by missy32
I feel that if you are no longer happy and you tried everything possiable to keep your marriage together and it wasn't working, then you should split and go seperate ways, but always remember to love your children and be a part of their lives as well, and do your best to NOT, badmouth the other spouse in front of the children. This will only hurt them and also may cause them to lose some respect for you as well....
great review.
missy
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Oct 08 '00
9:37 pm PDT
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You know… (Reply to this comment)
by Darkmistress
…I have a friend…had a friend…who has become obsessed with the idea that I a fling with her husband. They've separated, I've lost a friend, and nothing happened. Even thinking about or dicussing having an affair (which my husband and I joke about all the time) can be hazardous!
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Oct 08 '00
8:38 pm PDT
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Excellent review! (Reply to this comment)
by groverchick
"By cheating you will ultimately be cheating yourself out of a chance at a happy marriage."....
This is so very true and I wish more people would realize this BEFORE they cheat. I absolutely enjoyed this review.
Great posting!
groverchick
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Oct 08 '00
7:43 pm PDT
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Great review! (Reply to this comment)
by Dunkjam
If people would read your review and think about what they are doing, I think they would realize that cheating is not as glamorous or fun as they think it is! Thanks for your viewpoint. Eva
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Oct 08 '00
7:21 pm PDT
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Re: Please... (Reply to this comment)
by LILvoyce
Sorry, my Webtv won't allow me to make paragraphs so I use these little dots to break up my review. I normally use more dots but my review was running a little longer. I am only allowed to write short reviews because my editorials get cut off. I do the best I can with what I have.
Thanks-Lilvoyce
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Oct 08 '00
1:37 pm PDT
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I've had this happen to me once . . . (Reply to this comment)
by viper1963
It hurt for a few days but I asked her to leave. She didn't want our relationship to end but I could no longer trust her. Subsequently, she married the guy and a year later the guy started beating her up.
What goes around comes around.
Steve
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Oct 08 '00
1:32 pm PDT
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Please... (Reply to this comment)
by Alkaiser
Break your review into paragraphs...one long block of text is just too hard to digest.
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Oct 08 '00
1:31 pm PDT
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