Taming the Tantrum
Jan 03 '00
Dealing with temper tantrums can be frustrating, as any parent knows. Sometimes kids just get upset for no logical reason, and it is hard to get things back under control. Dealing with temper tantrums can be relatively pain-free, though.
First, don't let yourself be reduced to the child's level. It is very important that the parent not lose control and start yelling back at the upset child. Tantrums come from the child feeling unable to control his/her own environment. When the parent gets upset too, it causes the tantrum to last longer and upsets the child even further as his/her world seems even more precarious.
Patience is the most important virtue. That, and the ability to ignore the tantrum. Make sure the child can't hurt himself/herself. Then let them scream. Avoid paying any obvious attention at all to the child, because at this point any kind of attention will do - whether positive or negative. The child also needs to release the anger that they have built up - and the tantrum provides the needed release to do this. Try to see a tantrum as a positive thing - it enables the child to release frustration.
Some children have tantrums every time they are told "no". This can be very hard for the parent to deal with, as the first inclination is to give in just to get the child to calm down. Giving in teaches the child that a tantrum will work when they want something they are told they can't have, and increases the stress level of the parents.
Never try to reason with a child who is in the middle of a tantrum. They are not hearing - they are in the middle of "tunnel vision" and logical words will go right past them. Wait until the tantrum is over, and then discuss options that the child could take advantage of opposed to having a tantrum. Be sure to hug the child when they have calmed down - being so angry can be very scary, and the child might need some reassurance that he/she is still loved even though they had a tantrum.
Finally - rest assured that children do grow out of tantrum behavior. It may take some kids longer than others, but as they develop their coping and problem solving skills, they will find other ways to express their frustration that are not so hard on those around them.
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