Stupid Answers for Stupid Questions (with apologies to Al Jaffee):QQQ
Apr 29 '00
Momma.k bought up the subject of rude questions regarding her multi-cultural family (see http://www.epinions.com/kifm-review-658F-2A66B11-390BAA58-prod6 for the original review).
That reminded me of people who would look at my Mother and then at my brother and I and ask: "Are they adopted?" Mom told me that question was like a knife in the heart. No matter how nice the questioner was, no matter how concerned, there was always the undercurrent of 'they aren't your real kids and I can tell by looking.'
Stupid people ask personal questions that are none of their business. In the years, I have heard a lot of them directed at me and at my friends. In college, my best friends and I became avid (or rabid) readers of Al Jaffee's "Stupid Answers for Stupid Questions" featured in Mad Magazine. So we decided not to be offended, but to have fun with them instead.
When people ask if you are a "foreigner"
Q: "You from around here? Cause you don't talk/look like you are."
A: "No, I'm from there (point to an object in the room, preferably the bathroom or a coke machine). Stick to your point when he tries to argue.
A1: Answer in another language, even if you have to make one up. When Q calls to his/her friends: "Hey, listen to this! What language is that?" Switch to English and look at Q very strangely before backing away.
A2: "I don't sound like I'm from 'around here' because I speak proper English."
When Q asks if your baby's father/mother is black/white/or other ethnic culture
Q: "Your kid don't look like he's all black. What is his Daddy?"
A: "What do you mean?" Then look at your child and give a stifled scream. Ask Q "What happened?" Do prepare your child in advance. An older child (especially teenager) will delight in asking "What happened to me?" while checking his arms for color deviation.
A2: Start crying. Admit you were abducted by a UFO and you believe the child is Martian. Try to keep a straight face as you tell of the levitation and the computer sounds from his crib.
A3: "My name is Rosemary and his father is Satan." (Don't use this in the Bible belt unless you want your child's head shaved as they search for the 666 that must be on him/her).
Q: "Your wife isn't white, is she?"
A: "Which one? No, which wife?"
A2: "She a man." (Only say this if you can run fast and your car is parked close by).
Q giving his view of Ethnic Purity
Q: "People from different races shouldn't marry/have kids."
A: "Neither should your parents."
A2: "You know, Hitler thought the same thing. Funny, you don't have a German accent."
Q giving his opinion on your life, marriage and children overall.
Q: "I'm not sure I'd want to marry someone from a different race."
A: "Different than the human race?"
A1: "Well, lucky for you, your sister was unmarried."
A2: Assuming that you and Q are of the same race: "Well, considering the inherent stupidity of _________ (name your shared race), I had to increase the genetic intelligence factor."
Q: "Why did you have a kid that is half black?"
A: "Returns are too difficult."
A1: "Because I'm not black."
Of course, I could stop and point out that most people question because of curiosity or an attempt to be friendly, no matter how stupid that attempt may be. I could encourage everyone to sigh, be patient, and answer honestly or else say: "Is that any of your business?" I could point out that your family may be the first multi-cultural, multi-racial family they have met and that they are trying to be friendly. I could also suggest that by giving a Stupid Answer, you aren't doing any public relations work here and will only alienate this person not only to you but to most of your ethnic pool.
I hope any family who has encountered these intrusive questions will at least remember the suggested answers instead of saying them. Perhaps a smile or private chuckle will add to your patience as you answer more stupid questions with a smile.
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Epinions.com ID:
laryan
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Member: Lisa Ryan
Location: Louisville, KY
Reviews written: 281
Trusted by: 248 members
About Me:
Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, moved on, reviewed it all. Made 7 cents.
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