Daddy, don't you walk so fast....
Dec 12 '00
Did ya ever hear that heart wrenching song? Daddy, don't ya walk so fast, my babies saying, daddy don't you walk so fast. Daddy, slow down some, cause you're making me run. Daddy don't you walk so fast! It's all about divorce, and the daddy leaving his son behind. Some of us have been in that position, left behind.
THE MARRIAGE
My mom and my dad seemed happy enough at times. The other times, he was drunk, and beating her. I remember walking in her room one day, to see my dad knocking her around. I started crying, and he tried to tell me they were wrestling around. I didn't believe him, and he knew it. I ran off to tell my sisters what I had seen. A little later, my mom was comforting all three of us in her bedroom, when my dad walked in and said "Thanks alot for turning my kids against me!" It was then I realized what a horrible person he truly was. He not only beat her, but then he blamed her for us seeing it.
THE DIVORCE
My mom did not leave him right away. She waited until she thought we were old enough to understand, and handle it. She knew my little sister was my dads favorite, and this would crush her. My mom had three girls. My dad always told her he intended to keep trying until he had a son. By the time my youngest sister was born, my mom had cervical cancer, and they knew he would never get his son.
My mom left him one night, while I was at a friends house overnight. She packed up my sisters, without any belongings and rushed over to get me as well. I was lucky, because I at least had a suitcase full of my posessions. My sisters and my mother were not that lucky. We moved into a hotel for the time being.
My mom called the school and asked them if she could take us out for the last three days of the school year. They told her no. She knew dad would try to kidnap us, to get her back. She did manage to make the agreement that she could bring us to school a half hour late, and take us home a half hour early. But other than that, she was told if Dad did show up, they would have no choice but to hand us over to him. Well, wouldn't ya know it, he did show up. He tried to take ME. Luckily, I was not there. As per my moms arrangement, I had gone home a half hour ago. His plan was foiled, and now school was out, and he had no way to try to get us, except through the legal route.
My mom filed for child support, and he filed for visitation. He never did pay any child support. Not one cent. He kept saying he was fired, and that he had no income. By the time I stopped keeping count, he owed my mom over $30,000. She never fought for a dime of that, hoping that would keep him from trying to legally see us. We did go on one visit with dear old dad. He came and got us. Gave us each a new shiny Susan B Anthony dollar, telling us to never spend it. He said this would be a keepsake to remember him by. He brought his new girlfriend with him for that visit too. In the car on the way home, he started badmouthing my mother. He was drunk again, and blaming her for the split. He called her a sl@t and a wh0re. We were all crying in the back seat, begging him to stop doing this to us. I remember spending that silver dollar the very next day. We told our mom we NEVER wanted to go with him again, and not only did she not make us, he did not even ask.
I do remember calling him on several occasions. We would want to call, and see if he wanted us in his lives, even though we knew he didn't. He refused to accept the collect calls. I didn't know it at the time, but my mom was trying to show us, by calling collect, and him refusing, that he really did not want us, or he would have accepted the charges.
I cannot help but think if we were boys, he would have fought tooth and nail to be in our lives. But, being females, which he never wanted, he was more than happy to give up on us, and never see us again. We did see him in court one day. For some reason, we were required to go with mom. He said we were growing like *bad weeds.* The only thing I heard him say was BAD.
The years rolled on by, and I never missed my dad. I was afraid of him quite frankly. I saw him beat my mother, and that always made me fear him. I refused to call him, even once I entered my adult years, because I felt if he loved me, and wanted me in his life, he would have fought harder to stay in it to begin with. I always felt he could have looked for us, or even looked up our phone number in the white pages for that matter. He never did. He went on with his life as though we never existed.
I did manage to call him one time as an adult. It was on fathers day. I wasn't even the one on the phone. I had a friend call and ask him if he even remembered he had children, and if so, why he never tried to contact them. He said that he didn't know our last names, and my friend told him he really missed out on alot, and that he didn't deserve to have us in his life anyway. Then she hung up on him.
BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM ANYWAY
I have always felt I was better off without this man in my life anyway. I wonder what his life is like now that he is an old man, without having his children around to be by his side. I hope that he is lonely without us. My younger sister did not take the divorce well. She was his favorite, and she was put on nerve pills due to all the stress. She wet the bed until she was in her teens due to all of this. All because her dad, who claimed to love her immensely, never wanted to see her after he split with her mother. Yes, we are definately better off without him. He was never a dad to us, but rather a man who married our mother, and then tortured her the entire time he was with her. I am glad my mom found the nerve to break free of him, and give us all a better life, without this man in it. I don't blame her for shielding us or protecting us from him. I do blame him for not trying harder to keep us in his life. It just proves what we knew all along. That he wanted boys, and that girls were just easier to forget about.
It's been 20 years now, and he still hasn't come looking for us. I know he won't. I hope he has realized what all he has done to us, and asks God to forgive him for it. I do intend to attend his funeral when the time comes, but also will take the opportunity to tell the rest of his family how he has hurt ours.
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Epinions.com ID:
Daphnye
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Location: PA
Reviews written: 82
Trusted by: 51 members
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