You're still a parent....
Aug 21 '00 (Updated Aug 23 '00)
Having been on both sides of a divorce as the child product and as the parent product, I feel that I am extremely sensitive regarding this issue.
I learned a great deal from my unsolicited examples (my parents). I didn't exactly learn from them WHAT to do, rather what NOT to do. I firmly believe there is a time to move on, and let the dust settle. Nobody gets married believing their marriage will fail....and believe me, I felt like the ultimate failure. I felt as though I'd failed my children, who were a mere 2 and 4, myself, my husband and everyone in my family who loved him. As my ex put it, there's no worse punishment than "being the cause of your own demise." He blamed himself, as did I.
When we decided to finalize our intentions by separating, we had a long talk about what was most important to us in the long scheme of things. Of course, we agreed that our children's emotional and physical stability was our common goal. We decided, that from that moment forward, our children would NOT suffer for our indiscretions, and that they would NEVER be aware and burdened by them. Our past was exactly that, OURS.......NOT THEIRS. They had a future, and we wanted to contribute to it being as easy and uncomplicated as possible.
I was aware of EVERYTHING that occurred between my parents, and it lead me into my adulthood with handicaps, that in fact, were not my own. They belonged to my parents. We all love our children, but one of the most difficult things to do is to show it by allowing them to remain unaffected by our errors and let them remain carefree children.
One of the most important goals is to remain consistent. The second is to watch your mouth. Regardless of how you feel about the other parent, the children do not see what you see......They see perfection, and it's cruel to interfere with that natural bond. We so desire that bond when we decide to bring these children into the world, and it is not our place as a responsible parent to force an "adult" misgiving into the mind of a sweet child.
There will be times where that child is disappointed or upset by the words or actions of the other adult, however, listening to our children and pacifying them with kind words simply reinforces their bond to at least one of the existing parents.....When you play on their misfortune, you are twice as wrong as the other parent....The marriage and all of the baggage do not belong on the heads of the children.....They deserve a fresh start and without misconceptions of what "love" is.
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
Ellen1215
|
|
Member: Ellen
Reviews written: 10
Trusted by: 10 members
|
|
|
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.