Depo Provera- My Journey Into Hell
Jul 07 '00
Background
As I prepared for the big day of my wedding, birth control was the farthest thing from my thoughts. We wanted children; maybe lots of them and there weren't any serious issues about "when." We decided to try something "new" and "different" and go with NFP, Natural Family Planning.
On my pre-marital doctors checkup (what is that all about anyways??) I talked with my doctor. Actually I talked to my doctor with little to no response coming from him. I wanted to know how to do this NFP. He told me it had something to do with counting days between my cycles and that was all the information I really needed since he didn't really recommend it as a viable form of birth control. Did I want a prescription for the pill? Thank you very much but I will go find someone else to talk to.... So off I headed over to the local Planned Parenthood figuring they must know something they could teach me. Into my hot little hands they shoved a six-inch stack of brochures filled with exactly what I hadn't asked for: information on the pills, Norplant, Diaphragms and IUD's(?) and several free condom samples. I also got a nice fat brochure about Abstinence(good thing they had those handy for the 4 or so pregnant 14 year olds in the room.) And of course no visit to Planned Parenthood is complete without at least one brochure on how and where to get an Abortion (two floors up, by appointment only.) What I received on NFP amounted to a single paragraph, again with the viewpoint that it was not a viable option of birth control. My friendly pharmacist was a little more supportive; "We used NFP and we think it is great." He then goes on to tell me about is seven wonderful children. He found me the special thermometer thingie one using NFP is supposed to use and told me the directions were inside. I was not to be deterred. Even though I had not a clue what the 4point print size directions said I WAS going to use NFP.
And four months after our wedding day we found out we were expecting a baby. (After the fact I found out that if you DO want information about NFP contact your local Catholic church, even if you are not Catholic they will help you there are also some good books available as well but since I found these resources after I was pregnant I have forgotten their names.)
I breastfed my firstborn exclusively for about five months, and was fairly safe with the fact that breastfed women do not usually get pregnant, breastfeeding is natures own birth control. Then he started on solids and at 6 months I found out I was pregnant with number two. My doctor was not happy with me considering he had already told me that my body probably could not handle another pregnancy for at least a year since I had lost too much calcium and iron and a few other minor problems that added up to another pregnancy anytime soon being a bad idea.
Benjamin was born on Oct 23, 1998. My doctor immediately prescribed me the “mini-pill” which is supposed to be safe for breastfed babies. Within a month I had already started to forget my daily pill. In April I gave up on my ability to remember that little tiny pill and, against my doctor’s advice, went in for my first shot of Depo-Provera, the wonder drug of birth control, made especially for women who, like me, can’t seem to remember those daily inconveniences.
And the Nightmare begins
At first I thought Depo was great. As I was warned I wasn’t getting my periods and that was more than fine by me. I wasn’t forgetting to take pills because each shot lasted 3 months. A very quick trip to the doctors office every 3 months and I didn’t have to think about birth control beyond that.
The first thing I complained about was that I didn’t seem to be losing any of my pregnancy weight. My mother had told me it took her a very long time to lose hers and that it was probably not a problem. She also made note of the fact that I hadn’t lost the weight from my first pregnancy having gotten pregnant again so quickly and quite possibly that was making it harder. I brushed it off and just figured I had to work harder at losing the weight.
Then around July I started becoming the most horrible person I knew. Actually I didn’t realize it but my husband sure did. I didn’t really notice it until about October when I started throwing these morning temper tantrums. I am a fairly passive person by nature and suddenly I was exploding at just the slightest of things. I was confrontational, aggressive and mildly violent. When I wasn’t angry, I was depressed and sometimes even paranoid of small things. I would cry for no reason at all, and I simply don’t cry, something that has always seemed a little odd to my husband. I have never suffered an emotional disorder in my life and all of sudden I could qualify as a poster child for neurotic conditions. My husband was suffering, not knowing anymore who it was he was he had married and my kids suffered with a mom that for a few months there had very little interest in all but the very basics of provisions. I was suffering with these new and strange emotions that I had no idea what they were rooted in. I was fatigued and yet suffered from insomnia and I was an extremely stressful human being, other traits that are contrary to my usual personality.
Around September I started the first period I had had since starting the shots. Six weeks later when it was time for my next shot I was still having that same period. Of course like a car being taken to a mechanic I stopped bleeding two days before the appointment. My doctor felt a small lump near my ovary and rescheduled me for an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed nothing out of the norm, so he let me have another shot, with the warning that if I continued to have problems with my periods he would not prescribe me another. The only thing abnormal about my periods was once again I had stopped having them.
I Am Not The Only One, And I Really Have It Pretty Easy
In January, completely by accident I found a website put together by a woman who also had problems while on Depo. She had reader contributed stories from hundreds of women who had gone through symptoms I recognized in myself: Weight issues, problems with periods, swings of depression and violence. Infertility and miscarriages were also common in woman who had gotten of Depo in the hopes of having another child.
Compared to many of the women my symptoms were mild. My depression was not suicidal and my violence found an outlet on a door or cabinet, not my children as a few women had mentioned. Whereas I had not been able to lose my pregnancy weight and gained only about 10 additional pounds, many women were complaining of gaining 40, 50 even 75 pounds. Periods lasting for months non-stop and woman who hadn’t had one in ages. Women complained of bone density loss and arthritis, things I hadn’t experienced. The list was mind numbing and no way can I remember what all I found that was shocking.
The list of warnings on Depo states you may experience a SLIGHT weight gain, you may experience a LITTLE heavy bleeding, you may miss A period or two. You may experience MILD depression. These were things I could deal with, as well as obviously hundreds of other women. What we couldn’t deal with was LARGE weight gains, SUICIDAL depression, MONTHS of heavy bleeding or no periods. And certainly a warning that we may become abusive, permanently infertile or have miscarriages if we were lucky enough to get pregnant again would have been a nice little addition to the list.
The Dark Clouds Are Lifting
My last shot was the one in Nov. For a couple of months after that shot wore off (early Feb.) my symptoms especially the mood swings got worse, I pretty much disappeared to all but family and friends during this time. Since then I have noticed them getting milder and they seem to center around the time that I should be getting my periods (which I am still not getting.) My former happy and energetic self is around a whole lot more often than I had seen in the past year and both hubby and kids are happy to have me coming back. I still suffer from the insomnia but I am not as fatigued as I was before, my day just starts and ends a bit later than most. I am coping better, and sometimes even thriving like I used to, with stressful situations, and no longer find every little annoyance worthy of a stress tantrum.
Interesting Articles and Sites for more Information
My story is but one story about the devastating effects of Depo, and as I stated before I seem to have gotten off pretty easy compared to many women. For more stories and information you can visit any of the following pages:
http://www.egroups.com/group/WomenAgainstDepo Woman Against Depo at Egroups.com. the archives are public so you can read without being on the list.
http://www.fda.gov/search.html the search page of the FDA- input Depo-Provera and find tons of information and resources.
http://www.baracuda.demon.co.uk/Depo/index.htm Depo Provera User Information Resource- personal experiences from the US and Europe
http://www.egroups.com/message/WomenAgainstDepo/90? This is an article a fellow Women Against Depo member found at Harvard.edu concerning the use of Depo in countries with large populations. She didn’t keep the original link but it is not to be missed article.
http://www.depoprovera.com The manufacturers website with information for potential customers.
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kancel
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Member: Katrina Ancel
Location: Auburn, Wa
Reviews written: 112
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