I've Got My Boxing Gloves On For This One ...
Jun 29 '00
Yes, mousey little ol' me is taking a stand. I have been thinking for a while now if I wanted to say anything about breastfeeding, and decided that maybe I did not have thick enough skin to leave an opinion. I would form an outline of what I wanted to say in my head, each time modifying it to make me seem more and more middle of the road so as not to offend anyone, get any negative comments.
So that's the image I want to leave for my 7 week old son, is it? Nope. I just can't stay silent any longer.
Why tonight?
This wasn't the opinion I was going to write next. Actually, I wasn't going to write one at all tonight. I was trying to catch up on reading.
And then ... It happened. I read a post...
I have read opinions about this debate before telling me that I had to breastfeed. This was nothing new. Maybe it was the 100th one I had read, and it seemed to just project me in mere seconds over the edge ( .. ok, or maybe it is hormones)...
I bottle feed my son. Yep, you read it. BOTTLE FEED. Are you going to try and find out where I live and take him away from me now???
Listen, I know I am being animated, passionate, and maybe a little hyper-sensitive here. But maybe this is not an issue to be calm about. Hear me out ...
I agreed to try breastfeeding, even though in my heart it was not something I really wanted to do. I tried because I care about my son's health needs, because I respect my husband's request to try, because my doctor asked that I try, and I figured that, for myself, what damage could it do to try.
We had Colin May 8th. I breastfed the entire time we were at the hospital. It was a horrible experience for me. I felt inadequate and it hurt . I had a hard time getting him to latch on, trying to hold him after my C-section, and could not burp him. He was always crying, probably from hunger. A zillion nurses came in and out and grabbed my breasts in attempts to help. It was so humilating. I was even given a breast pump to take home. I cried every time he came to feed. Yes, I know he probably sensed this, I read all the books. I could not help it. I was miserable and in pain, and scared to feed, and not liking motherhood all that much. I was released 4 days later, and continued to try. After a night of Colin screaming, me sobbing once again, me pushing my husband and son away, John went and bought some formula and a few bottles. Magically my son stopped screaming (being full will do that to a baby). We started to finally enjoy each other, and his true personality began to come out. I continued to use the pump to try and give him as much breast milk as I could, believing in the benfits, and supplement with formula. After 3 weeks, I stopped pumping. Colin is now solely on formula. We have a loving, easy, wonderful baby, and I am loving motherhood and our new family.
I have that right you know. It is my life, my family. I've done the reading, both on-line and off, and I know about the decision I am making. I can live with it. It is and continues to be the best decision for us.
So what exactly upset me?
A posting telling, once again, that breastfeeding is BEST . Best ... really? Do you really think that by writing an opinion telling me that I am wrong, a bad parent, made a wrong choice, will do my son irreversible damage that you are helping me? You are not helping me, you are trying to assert your view into my life. If you really wanted to help you would have at least given me some facts . You would have shared your story. And you hopefully would have tried to at least be open to mine. But you didn't. You told me I was wrong . I walked away without even rating. I will not even read you again. I am tired of this.
We all make decision as parents, as people. Can you say that you always made the most popular or the best? Hopefully you made what was a good decision for you and yours, one you can live with.
It was, in part, all of the many FINE opinions here that I read while pregnant that helped me try to breastfeed in the first place. Factual opinions, opinions from other women who bared their soul and shared their struggle. To those people, I thank you. To all the others, you have done nothing but lost a potential rater.
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