Emily's short lifeFeb 04 '00 Write an essay on this topic.When my husband and I found out we where going to have our second baby in June, we where so happy. Both our birthdays are in March and the baby was due in between both of them. I knew right away that it was a girl. I knew in my heart. I went to the first appointment with my mom and almost cried when I heard her strong heart beat. I had my first ultra sound at 9 weeks and was so happy to see her "moving" and the heart beating. My son, who is two and a half, loved talking to her and kissing my tummy. I started showing very early with this baby, I was in maternity clothes by 12 weeks. I went for my third O.B. appointment and asked them if everything was ok with Emily. I had some spotting that morning. They listened and once again there was her strong heartbeat. They told me not to worry and it was nothing, I was 16 weeks at this point. I was excited that I was finally able to breath a little easier and that we where going to get to have an ultra sound so that we could see our little girl and now that she was ok. We had to ultra sound scheduled for two weeks later. Emily was a very active baby, I felt her very early in my pregnancy. I noticed about a day before the ultra sound that she was unusually active and then just stopped. That morning as I was getting dressed to go I told my mom and my husband that something was wrong. At this point I was just a day or two shy of 18 weeks. I was called in for the ultra sound and I just new that something was wrong with my baby girl. The tec. said that everything was going to be fine and asked me to get undressed and then he would start. He put the ultra sounds thing on my stomach and looked at my husband. I asked what was wrong, he said probally nothing but I need my supervisor. I started crying at that point, I knew that my baby was gone. The supervisor came in and said (very unfeeling) I hear that they cannot find your baby's heart beat. He looked around for about two seconds and then said your baby is dead. A little peace of me died that day. My son was there and kept saying momma my baby sister gone bye bye? You can never get over that feeling, when they tell you that your baby is not alive. From there we had a choice to make. We where told that because I was just about a week shy of 20 weeks they could not do anything for us. We had the choice to be induced or to have a D&E. We chose to be induced so that we could hold our baby and say good bye to her. I went in that following Saturday and started the induction. My family was very suportive through my whole ordeal. I wanted to be induced so that I could hold my baby and say good bye to her, I had none her for almost five months and now she was just gone. The hospital was very nice, but, they did not read my chart and gave me the wrong medicine. I had an allergic reaction to the medicines that they gave me. It was horrible in it self, you are there to loose a baby and you end up not being able to breath, and you can feel your heart beating so fast. I ended up having to get medicines to counteract what they had done to me and after that was all done I was sent home, still pregnant. I decided after that to have a D&E. They told me that with a D&E I would not be able to see my baby. The Lord new what was in our hearts though, I went into natural labor the night before my D&E. I delivered the baby as they where starting the D&E. As it turns out my baby had a lot of physical problems. She was way to tiny for her age. She only had half of her brain and her leg was growing fine until the knee,then it just stopped growing. The rest of her leg was coming out of her hip. I know that is graphic and I am sorry. I chose not to see my baby. I wanted to remember her whole and sitting with Jesus. I will meet her soon enough and she will be perfect. My husband did hold her however, he said it helped to say goodbye to this little person. We did name our baby and we do know that it was a girl, she was big enough for them to tell. We have a paper from a church (not mine) saying her name and the day she died on it. October 12, 1999. She would have been born March 7,00. I know this is something I will deal with everyday, you never get over loosing a baby. I think that you just have to talk about it. You have to let people know that you had a child, their are not with you right now, but they where here!  |
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