Wal-Mart hypocrisy: censored music, uncensored movies Mar 07 '00    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet There’s a store we all know with a very curious entertainment section. You can buy yourself an uncut copy of the ‘80s materialism manifesto Wall Street, but you probably won’t find any ‘80s albums by the Material Girl. You’ll be hard pressed to find many Prince CDs, but you can’t miss the rows of Purple Rain on VHS in the $6.96 bin. There’s no shortage of new albums by Snoop Dogg and Silkk the Shocker, but they’ve all been put through a moral cheese grater. I live in Columbia, Mo., which probably has more Wal-Marts per capita than any town in America and, if you’ve ever tried to buy music there, you know what I’m talking about. The store sells violent R-rated movies such as Lethal Weapon, Dirty Harry and Halloween unaltered, but albums with "questionable lyrics" are not stocked or heavily censored. While a store does reserve its right to be a responsible vendor, Wal-Mart’s odd hypocrisy demands an explanation, or at least labels on the CDs themselves that warn consumers that a good percentage of the Master P. album in their hands may resemble a half-solved "Wheel of Fortune" puzzle. But that’s not the case. Wal-Mart sells so many CDs – around 10 percent of the total market – that it can take a wounded-parent, "I can’t let you listen to this" stance and demand record companies remove elements that are deemed objectionable. Or maybe Wal-Mart has been taking lessons in intimidation from one of its token $6.96 movies, Goodfellas. The most infamous victim of Wal-Mart censorship was pop singer Sheryl Crow, whose 1996 self-titled album was banned in-house because of lyrics accusing the superstore of selling guns to children. Even R+B singer Lauryn Hill, who cleaned up at the Grammies last year, isn’t immune from the Wal-Mart censorship board. Her album The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, which doesn’t need a Parental Advisory label in its uncut form, has several lyrics excised from its Wal-Mart release. But you won’t find that out until you’ve already opened and listened to it. Every time I go into that store, I wonder what logic leads them to appoint themselves the Moral Music Police while leaving Hollywood unscathed. Is it because rap music directly leads to violence, which directly leads to the robbing of Wal-Marts with the store’s own guns? Is it because people are more likely to remember and be influenced by song lyrics than movie quotes? Every male between the ages of 18 and 24 knows the "Ezekiel 25:17" speech from Pulp Fiction, and most of us haven’t killed anyone yet, although we may have been sorely tempted after purchasing Wal-Mart-shredded music. Whatever the reason for the decision, it points to one thing – Wal-Mart is no longer content to control commerce. It now wants to control what we listen to. It won’t be long until Wal-Mart starts its own record label. Great Value Records will join the ranks of Columbia, Atlantic and Arista as one of the main players in the music business, but its albums will only be sold in Wal-Mart stores. These CDs will be placed next to competing CDs and will offer the same types of music and very similar album design for a fraction of the cost. Major artists will sign with the Great Value label and release albums full of uppity love songs and occasional references to God. The Backstreet Boys, ‘N Sync, Matchbox 20 – they can all sign on, although they’ll be filmed above the waist in their videos from that point on. Even rappers are welcome at Great Value, provided they don’t use words like "nipple," "fetus" and "ammo," and they certainly can’t dip into George Carlin’s seven-word bag of tricks. Oh, and artists signed to the label will be required to wear selections from Wal-Mart’s stylish but affordable fashion brand, Faded Glory. Once Great Value gets a foothold on the new music industry, it will set out to achieve its real goal. It will clean up the albums that have plagued responsible musicians for decades, albums like The Beatles’ White Album. The song "Happiness is a Warm Gun" will be electronically altered to become "Happiness is a Warm Bubble Bath." Yoko Ono will give in after settling for an undisclosed sum, and the album’s new liner notes will leave no doubt that bubble bath solution is available in Aisle 14. Bob Marley, you’re not safe, either. "I Shot the Sheriff" will become "I Hugged the Sheriff (But I Didn’t Hug the Deputy Because He Said a Naughty Word)." With a little extra work, even Alice Cooper and Ozzy Osbourne will be safe for Wal-Mart. You may think I’m bluffing, but those popular in-store concert performances by Garth Brooks, Hanson and the Bee Gees are all part of the conversion experience. God knows Hanson would never play a concert for Target. They sell 2Pac albums at Target. True, Great Value Records will change the face of music, but you’ll still be able to buy all the R-rated movies you want. Just steer clear of their soundtracks.

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