Adoption: The So Called, "Instant Family"
Nov 14 '00
When my husband and I first considered adoption some of our family members were taken back by the idea. Others made comments wondering if we knew what we were getting into. I remember one comment in particular..."the instant family". How silly for this person to compare my life change and choice to making instant mashed potatoes. This was going to be more than "add water and stir". Aside from those few, my husband and I gained a great deal of support.
I looked into several facets of adoption. My husband and I didn't have money for an international adoption and we didn't want to be on a waiting list forever. Most of the agencies I contacted told me that if I wanted a newborn white male child that I might be waiting seven years or even longer. I was asked to fill out questionaires in regards to what "type" of child my husband and I were looking for. I still find that question sort of "Kmart", after all, I wasn't looking for a sweater.
In March of 96 I met up with cousin of mine who had lost her children to the state. I hadn't seen her in years and when we got to talking I found out that her four children still didn't have homes after being in the system for nearly three years. I told her that my husband and I had been looking into adoption and thus our crusade began.
For the past four years now, I've been raising four children who are wards of the juvenille court system. I think from speaking to others, this sort of adoption must be one of the most difficult to go through because of all the red-tape. The process is one that has been very long and drawn out. After initial contact with the state where the childrens custody lay, we had to write letters to the various people involved with the case such as the judge, social worker, fathers attorney, mothers attorney, childrens attorney, and the child advocate. We continued to write letters until they took interest in us. Then there were the phone calls. Quite frequently in the beginning, some of these calls lasted for an hour or two....and there were usually several a week. I would suggest that anyone going through this type of adoption keep a copy of every letter you send and a log of all calls you make as well as those made to you. This is very helpful when dealing with a large number of people.
When the above process was over, we had to travel across the United States and attend a court hearing where we were supposed to make our wishes be known. As it turned out, we were denied the right to speak in court, despite our 2,000+ mile journey because the birth father didn't show up for the hearing. The judge did however note our presence to the court. We visited briefly with the four children (3,3,5,6)as we were only in the state for three days.
Upon returning home, we were contacted by our own state foster to adopt office and told that they needed to come out and visit us. It all sounded innocent enough. I never dreamed how much paper work a visit could entail. There were backround checks, finanacial reports, and home studies. We were asked to tell about our childhood...what are parents were like, how we were raised, what our beliefs were etc. It was a plethora of information, to be quite frank.
After our continued letters and calls, we finally received word from the then current foster mother that the judge had ruled that the children be sent to visit us for thirty days. She said that this was half of the battle. It may have been half of the battle of getting them here...but our true battle was no where near over.
Finally, in August of 1996, shortly after 3am, the children arrived. This did not stop the process of finding out information. This time, when they came to the house, our toilets were flushed, the stove turned on, the water checked, and even the cupboards were inspected. We were asked for references, whom were contacted and asked to fill out an eight page report about my husband and myself. As well, we both underwent physicals and had to be fingerprinted. We got calls weekly from various people involved with the case. We also had home visits with social workers on a monthly visit. More paperwork was filled out each time. My husband and I were also required to become licensed foster parents even though our intention was to adopt, because we were going the state route.
All in all, the last four years have indeed seemed long. The process isn't quite as bad as it may seem, after all, it has afforded my family to grow and I now have four beautiful children because of it. The paperwork and red tape was well worth what I now have and look forward to.
I do suggest that anyone intending on going this route to be patient and understand that it's not all going to happen overnight. Our adoption is perhaps more involved than others because our children are all considered "special needs" and because this is an "Interstate Adoption" case. However, the process still takes time even when these factors are not present.
Adopting children can afford a wonderful opportunity for all parties involved. While you gain a child, the child in turn gains stability and much needed love and attention. I'm thankful for the four beautiful children I have and can't wait until the day I sign the finalization papers and make our family "legal". Aside from how involved it has been, given the chance to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.
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Epinions.com ID:
ForgtnRose
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Location: Ohio
Reviews written: 27
Trusted by: 6 members
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