THE STINKIN' FAN ATE MY DRESS!!!!
Dec 07 '00 (Updated Apr 20 '01)
The Bottom Line Have a sense of humor, take care of yourself (don't leave that to the doctor), and keep track of the funny stories for later.
"Hey, Honey, look! I found the PERFECT dress for my class reunion!"
"Mmmmm. Hmmm," came the distracted reply.
I sighed as I whisked my new found treasure into my den of creation- I had found the PERFECT pattern - a tuxedo sort of halter dress- made to flatter my kind of shape in a beautiful gold color with perfectly matching satin. Could things get any better?
I had been planning this class reunion for months. It was important to me to look my best, as I had never felt really good about myself in high school
(see my editorial - http://www.epinions.com/well-review-3F7B-6E73C5A-39AD1233-prod2 - for a better understanding of this).
For the first time in my life, I actually felt GOOD about the way I looked.
It was still a few months until the reunion was to take place, but I was excited. Each day I took out my fabric and stroked it lovingly as I envisioned the dress of my dreams. I indulged in a different prospective scenario of what the reunion would be like each day.
The days flew by, and still I had not started to construct my "magic dress".
One day, when I was considerably moody, my husband looked at me with a strange frown on his face. After he was studying me all day, I began to get really irritated at him.
"What the heck is your problem!!??" I demanded to know.
He replied with a worried expression on his face," Nothing."
But he continued to study me. It was rather nerve wracking.
It was not until we had tasted a new wine in the brand that we could have (allergies limit our intake of food and beverages severely) that we knew that something was not right. I got really sick. I had not had enough to get sick at all let alone THIS sick.
Then my husband ventured forth with the result of his intense study of me over the previous week.
"Ummm, I think you might be pregnant!"
He was walking on proverbial egg shells and for good reason. I exploded in reply, " NO WAY!! I CAN NOT BE PREGNANT. I WILL NOT HAVE A BABY! NOT NOW!! I AM JUST GETTING MY LIFE BACK......."
I ranted on and on for a few days. My poor husband and son were really suffering. Even the cat moved when I came in the room.
I took the first test, and it said I was not pregnant. But they knew. I was acting really bad.
After a few weeks of growling at friends, family and any unfortunate creature that crossed my path, I finally came to terms with my situation. My dream dress was not to be. In fact, I was going to be over 3 months pregnant at the reunion - just big enough NOT to fit in normal clothes, but small enough to look STUPID in maternity clothes.
Oh, great. The class reunion I was so excited about suddenly turned sour.
In desperation, I found some white satin that I had purchased on clearance. I found a maternity pattern that looked nice on the envelope- it was actually kind of high fashion. I put together lace and sequins on the dress and it looked nice..............
...........until I tried it on.
I looked like an idiot.
More desperate than before, I frantically examined my stash of fabric and located a filmy sort of stuff that I created a floor length evening coat with fluttery wrists. I figured that it would take in the dress and make me look more normal. The word that kept coming to my mind was gossamer.
I would mumble to myself as I worked on the outfit about "gossamer wings" in hopes that my fantasy could be resurrected.
HA HA.
As the week of the reunion progressed, I managed to get blood all over the dress as I was adding some more sequins. As I furiously dabbed at the lace to get rid of the blood (the source of which is still unknown to this day), the bright blue design from the paper towel decided to transfer itself to the dress! I managed to get it all out.
The next day, I was dying someone's hair with a very dark brown dye when my right hand had begun to burn. I tore off the glove to find it had sprung a leak in two of the fingers, and now my hand was partially DARK BROWN! My nails were irreversibly brown.
With a white dress. How nice.
By the first day of the reunion (there was a casual day followed by a formal day), I was in a hurry to deliver some curtains to a woman that I had done some designing for. I had borrowed a car, so I had to hurry to get them to her.
On the way, I had grabbed my dress parts in hopes of having time to get buttons while I was out, and then I remembered that I had forgotten to turn off the fan. It had been brutally hot that week (being pregnant was a real challenge) and we had a really nice industrial fan that is very well caged. The slats are VERY narrow - so that little fingers have a hard time getting in there.
As I ran past the fan, imagine my shock when I felt my dress being ripped from my arms and sucked completely into the tiny slat of the fan where it wound unendingly around the blades until all it would do was grunt. I was so horrified that I tried to turn off the fan, and turned it on high instead!!! This caused the whole thing to get worse!
The cage around this fan is so protection oriented that it is almost impossible to get apart. I took a screwdriver and began to spank the fan with it and scream,
"I HATE YOUR GUTS!!!! I HATE YOUR GUTS!!!!!"
at the top of my lungs. After delegating enough punishment to the fan, I took over a half hour to pry the thing apart. Then it took almost another half an hour to unwind the thing from around the fan blades. I never knew that anything could be so intricate. A white dress wound around fan blades.
Of course, the woman whose curtains I was supposed to deliver is a very punctual person and being late is NOT an option. I was really under pressure. After I got there, I offered her my ridiculous explanation about the dress. She was left rather speechless. What do you say to that?
Finally the big night arrived. I was so stressed out about the white chewed up dress that I could not eat or think. I tried on every dress I owned, and the only one that I could get into (wearing a girdle and full body trimmer) was a CHRISTMAS DRESS with long sleeves. It was around 90 degrees F and I had nothing else.
In order to match me in the Christmas dress, my dear husband wore his tux. He wanted to make it special for me. After all, restaurants are all air conditioned, right?????
WRONG.
We got there and the place had not been fixed since I was 10 years old. It was over 100 degrees F in the place and with all of the smoke, I thought I was going to die. My husband was ready to die. The only way I could keep from passing out was to tell jokes. Of course, everyone wondered why we did not show up the night before, so I had to explain my stupid week.
I imagine that they were all wondering what my problem was wearing a Christmas dress on a scorching 90 degree day too.......
Being pregnant in a 100+ degree room with smoke billowing everywhere and everyone stinking of alcohol (which REALLY started to bother me while pregnant) was not bad enough. It got worse.
The DJ was dead drunk. Instead of playing music from our era, he played music from the 50's , then some weird stuff from the 90's about decapitating people or something and music from every period of time but for ours. At one point, he proceeded to stand on the table( where his equipment was) in his socks and sing totally off key to these marvelous selections until my husband told the man across the table that someone should have paid US to be there.
The dinner was unbelievable. I kid you not- the salad was the size of a finger dip bowl from a Japanese restaurant - maybe smaller. The chicken was like a rock and the only thing worth eating was the baked potato. I was starving and my husband was delirious. The guy next to him refused to talk no matter how hard he tried to chalk up a conversation.
I won a door prize.....A bottle of wine that we are allergic to (when I am not pregnant, that is)! Whooppee!
I have to say that the best line of all was when my husband came home the night I got my dress sucked up in the fan. He saw me crying, heard the story, and ran over to the fan all excited. When he got there he shouted,
"YOU MANAGED TO GET THAT FAN APART? I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR 3 YEARS TO GET THAT FAN APART!
How did you do it? And while you had it apart, did you clean it?
YOU HAD THAT FAN APART AND DID NOT EVEN CLEAN IT?????"
Sometimes husbands do not know how to react in a tragedy......(GRIN)
Okay, so if you have made it through my odyssey of going to a class reunion while in an unexpected pregnancy, you are probably wondering where the point is in all of this.
I have been pregnant at a young age, and then at an older age.
I have seen from my experience and that of others that there are some things to consider.
INFORMATION SECTION
YOUNGER PREGNANCIES
Being pregnant at a younger age, there is a tendency to run to the doctor for everything. Sometimes doctors make you run to them a lot too. You tend to worry a lot, and read every book you can get your hands on.
The whole process is so new and different. You really do not know what to expect.
Quite frankly, I think that this is really sad. It seems to me that if our society was working like the well oiled machine instead of a crippled mess, that we should not be afraid or lack knowledge on these things.
In a better situation, we should be able, as young women, to have older women to turn to. Not just one or two, but a lot. We should not have to turn to books or doctors, but we should be able to go to older women who will be supportive and make us feel more comfortable with this NATURAL phenomenon. Unfortunately, most women are caught in the rat race and do not have time to even ponder life, let alone live it to its fullest.
EATING WELL
As far as advice on pregnancy itself, I have a personal philosophy that is very different than most people and I do not think that it is my place to give advice on WHAT to do for pregnancy or how to prepare(doctors, birth preparations, etc). My view is not popular with the general public.
I CAN say that it is imperative that you take NATURAL BASED vitamins and supplements- especially vitamin C (with flavonoids)and Bcomplex. Those are important. The extra C will help with bleeding gums as will alfalfa extract. The BComplex will help with your nerves and with the formation of the baby- folic acid is thought to ward off spina bifida- PLEASE TAKE A COMPLEX THAT IS NATURAL NOT JUST FOLIC ACID. B Vitamins need each other to process in your body, so if you do not take them all, it will take what it needs from YOU to process it.
There is a product out there called Mineral Rich. It is by a company called Maximum Living. This is a mineral supplement that is in liquid form. Either people love the taste or hate it. However, it has all of the BAD minerals taken out and has B12 (in its only absorbable form) and biotin in it. If you take this while pregnant (along with a BComplex that is natural and C) you will really build up your body and feel a LOT better. It is usually available at GNC stores as well as others (VIX is another store chain). It is not cheap, but you will get a lot more from a dose of this than you will from any multiple either from the doctor or store.
Also imperative is a GOOD NATURAL DIET. You need to not have meat and milk products at all but at least greatly reduce them. You can get plenty of protein and minerals from fruits, vegetables , beans , whole grains and nuts. You will be a lot better for it. You have enough hormone fluctuations, you do not need more from meats and milk products.
Elimination(best) or reduction (better than nothing) of milk and meat products will help greatly with mood swings, which you WILL have to one degree or another, and with breathing difficulties. Milk products will cause asthma and other breathing difficulties in many people, and it will also greatly increase your mucus formation.
REST
It is not always possible to rest. Do your best. Both of my pregnancies were not ideal. I got almost no rest due to really difficult circumstances. Sometimes people live in such idealistic worlds, that the advice they give is discouraging if your life is not a "fantasy" case.
YOU CAN DO IT
You WILL make it, however. Hang in there! We are pretty sturdy creatures, if we take care of ourselves, the odds increase dramatically. If you can just accept the fact that you will be moody, having to urinate a lot, edgy, super sensitive, frustrated, tired and on a sort of a rollercoaster ride to one degree or another, it will make life a lot easier to deal with.
PRACTICE LAUGHING
---And if you have a sense of humor, use it a LOT. If you don't - get one! That will also make life a LOT easier to handle in this really different period of your life.
Get to know the little life inside you. He/she will exhibit personality traits long before birth. Just take some time to pay attention and enjoy this time. You will hold it precious in the future (when you are not so moody).
For example, my son and I used to box when I would lay down. He would repeat my taps on the belly. If I did it once, then he did it back. Twice, he would return it. He is the same way today, even in his teens.
My daughter would listen to me when I talked and she was very active in the womb. She still is extremely active and listens when I talk.
OLDER PREGNANCIES
Here in this category you have an even more urgent need to eat well and take supplements. The body, once it leaves the late 20's and heads toward the mid 30's is usually depleted of minerals and extra stores of vitamins. This is not natural, it is due to the horrible diet that most people will eat. For instance, did you know that eating one product made of white flour will actually DEPLETE your stores of B vitamins and minerals JUST TO DIGEST WHAT YOU ATE!!!????
HIGH RISK?
Another thing to be aware of is that in older pregnancies, you can still read those "how to" books, but if you are willing to eat and live as naturally as possible, you do not have to worry about many of the problems that they suggest are "normal" for older pregnancies. This is even more true if you have been eating naturally for some time before you were pregnant.
The reason that many older pregnancies are more "high risk" is that these women have had a longer time to abuse their bodies with drugs(illegal and legal are the same in the body- most do more damage than they are worth), alcohol, horrendous food, stress, and pollution.
Now, you can not do anything about pollution, and many times the stress is unavoidable, but the other things you CAN take control over.
RELAX AND ENJOY
I have seen many women who really enjoy their children more when they have them at later ages. I think by then, they do not tend to get as obsessed with perfection as with earlier children. I refer to women who also had children at younger ages. First time pregnancies tend to be different.
HERBS
There are wonderful herbs that will greatly assist in the pregnacy process. I will post the name of a good book that I used(when I find it), but there are other good ones out there. You just need to use your head before taking things you are unsure of. Read up on it if you can. Herbs like Rasperry leaves and Peppermint are very safe. Others you need more information on.
UNWANTED PREGNANCIES
If you really are not crazy about having a baby right now, let me just say this. I have spoken with many women of all ages who have had children they were not particularly anxious to have for one reason or another(including rape). In every case (myself included) the fears that were housed in the mind during the pregnancy were almost always foundless.
Also the children that came along at those times actually turned out to be the biggest blessing. Just hang in there. In almost every case, what seems to be the biggest curse actually turns out to be the most wonderful thing. You have to stop telling yourself that it will be bad. I think my biggest problems were in my thought life. However, despite my ravings and fears, I would not reverse the pregnancies. The children I have are so precious that I often feel unworthy to have them.
I realize in this short of an area, I can not cover all of the parts of pregnancy. I can only touch on a few things. Being pregnant is a challenge. I do not think I have talked to more than a few people in my life who actually COMPLETELY LIKED being pregnant.
However, if you have anyone supportive at all, it will be easier. Even if you do not, hang in there, it will all be worth it despite the horror stories that people tell you.....(grin)
Yes, I have heard them too. And I have lived through a few. And I am alive and fine, and so are the kids.
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Product-Evaluation/Information-Specialist. Too Busy to Be KIND to Others? You are TOO BUSY.
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