Like Sands Through the Hourglass... So Are the Days of Our Lives!
Feb 06 '00 (Updated Jul 24 '00)
I have a terrible confession to make. I know you may think less of me (like that's even possible!), and never want to read my epinions again. I wouldn't blame you one bit. You see, for 16 years, I've watched Days of Our Lives (I can almost hear the collective gasps from my readers).
Yes, it's true. I got addicted to the NBC soap opera when I was young and naive. All the cool kids were watching it, and I had to see what I was missing. It's not like I watch it every day, and I can stop watching any time I want.
One cool thing about Days of Our Lives (and probably most soap operas) is that storylines often go on so long that you can go weeks and even months without seeing the show and not miss anything terribly important. I've probably seen less than 20% of the shows since 1984, and when I do watch it, it's usually in the background while I'm working or on the computer, but I feel like I haven't missed much.
Many of the storylines are ridiculously far-fetched. Consider the history of Marlena Evans Craig Brady Black (played by Deidre Hall), psychiatrist, since I began watching the show. Let's pick up the story in 1984, and bring you to the present...
When I started watching the show, Marlena was married to Detective Roman Brady with a daughter, Carrie, and twin infants, Sami and Eric. Roman's arch nemesis, the insanely evil Stefano DiMera, had a brain tumor and there was only one thing that could save his life. You guessed it: three secret prisms put together, through which you could point a laser beam and uncover the key to major scientific breakthroughs (makes sense right?). Unfortunately, Roman got in Stefano's way, was shot, and fell off a cliff on a deserted desert island to his death. Soon after her husband's murder, Marlena's twins were kidnapped by Stefano's henchwoman. Marlena confronted Stefano on the catwalk of an arena (where else?), and shot him. He dropped the prism he was carrying, it burst into flames (as most secret prisms do), and he fell into the flames and was burned to death. She was tried for murder, but found not guilty (despite an arena full of eye-witnesses).
Soon thereafter, she began dating the chief of police, but of course, he was really the leader of a drug ring, and he was ultimately shot and killed by her husband's former partner. Then a mysterious man came to town with amnesia. He saw the name "John Black" on a plaque in a soup kitchen and decided to use that for his name. Despite looking completely different and having a different voice, they soon realized he was really her dead husband Roman. Wow, what great news! Unfortunately, not long after that, she fell from a building, cracked her skull, and was in a coma for 2 months... but then she awakened, and was completely fine! She married John/Roman, and they lived happily ever after... yeah right!
It wasn't long before she was kidnapped and believed dead for several months, then found alive, only to die in a plane crash soon afterward. Or did she?? Four years later, she awakened in an island in the Caribbean, unaware how she had gotten there, and went back home to her family. The real Roman came back to town, and John was stunned to discover he really wan't Roman after all. John started to remember his past, and thought he was a priest (actually he had only posed as a priest as a ruse for stealing paintings). You see, Stefano had a microchip installed in John's brain so he could implant and erase his memories at will (as happens a lot in everyday life). Marlena got back with the real Roman, but she was still in love with John, slept with him, and had a baby girl, Belle. Marlena got divorced from Roman, got kidnapped by Stefano (guess what? he hadn't really been dead!), and was trapped in a dungeon, where she was later saved by Roman.
Home and happy at last?? Uhhhh.... NO! Marlena soon became possessed by the devil (I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried), and committed heinous crimes all over town and repeatedly tried to kill John. John, still thinking he was a priest, did an exorcism on Marlena. Bad news though... the devil took Marlena's soul and she died (again!). :( John went to the morgue to see the body, and, SURPRISE, she was still alive! Stefano kidnapped Marlena again (doesn't this guy ever give up?), kept her in a cage (don't ask!), and she was later imprisoned in a secret room in Stefano's mansion. Meanwhile, Roman died again. John rescued Marlena from the secret room and proposed. Roman came back into town (still alive!), and said his dying wish was to marry Marlena again. As Marlena and Roman were about to get married, John rushed into the ceremony with a cure for Roman (found in the jungle, of course). Eventually, John and Marlena got married again. But on their honeymoon, John was kidnapped by Hope, who thought she was Princess Gina (due to a microchip in her brain), an identical stranger, who John had stolen paintings with in his earlier life.
And that brings us up to the recent past. Another interesting thing about Marlena is how her children age. When I started watching the show, her twins were infants. 16 years later, they're in their mid 20's. Her daughter, Belle, was born in 1993, and yet now she is a teenager in high school.
Okay, I admit that Days of Our Lives is completely absurd, but it's also very entertaining! After reading this epinion, I know you'll be tempted to watch it yourself, but take it from me and just say no!!
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craigmoosh
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Member: Craig
Location: Mequon, Wisconsin
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