Duct Tape, Anyone???
Oct 28 '00
My daughter decided tonight that storming, stomping, screaming, all the way to her room and slamming the door would be a really, really good idea. I’m thinking duct taping her to her bed with her mouth similarly taped would be a good idea. (Not that I would do that, but it is a thought that has crossed my mind from time to time. Isn’t it sad that my fantasy life sometimes revolves around strange and unusual uses for duct tape? Note to Self: Get a life outside the house!)
My daughter is usually a very sweet, loving five year old. Yes, she does argue with me, and yes I do think that she and her older brother are going to kill or maim each other on occasion. But, she does not have tantrums! When she gets really angry she normally walks off to her room in a huff, not stomping, and quietly closes her door until she calms down. When she feels she’s sufficiently calmed down she comes out of her room and we discuss the situation. Calmly, coolly, and without screaming. I have always been extremely impressed by the way she has handled herself when she’s extremely angry. So her behaviour this evening really shocked me.
Now, I could have gone storming, stomping, screaming after her (in which case I would have looked like a raving lunatic, and she either would have started laughing at me uncontrollably, or been completely terrified of me), but I instead chose to analyze the situation, and try to figure out just where this behaviour came from, and what had caused it. It certainly didn’t take long to figure out. (I’m just quick as a whip sometimes!)
She has had a really difficult day today. Her brother went to a birthday party, and she felt left out. I know they need separate lives, but at five it’s hard to accept that your brother gets to go and you don’t! Then she accidentally knocked her loose tooth out, and there was a lot of blood! That frightened her terribly. And because it hurt so much I thought it best to get it checked by the doctor. (He said it was fine, by the way.) And then she fell and hurt her leg. To top it all off, she couldn’t find the tooth for the Tooth Fairy! What was going to happen if she couldn't find it??? So we searched and searched, but we finally accepted the fact that she probably swallowed it. She seemed to be okay when I explained that the Tooth Fairy would come anyway, but as it turns out it had been bothering her all day.
So after thinking about all these “traumas” that had happened to the poor child today, I thought it best to go in to her room calmly, and try a little conversation. (Of course, I had to sweep away the duct tape thought first.) We snuggled up together on her bed and discussed her day. She said she hadn’t had a bad day, but as our conversation went on I could feel her tense body relaxing, and I knew that I was covering all the areas of the day that had her so distraught. We discussed plans for tomorrow, and we decided that a note to the Tooth Fairy was in order. She felt so much better after she signed her name to the completed note. We tucked it into her Tooth Fairy Pillow, and all is better now. She and her brother are happily playing together (no killing or maiming this evening!), and our world has returned to normal. (Thank goodness, because my husband seems to have misplaced the duct tape!)
I know that I have been very fortunate in having relatively few tantrums to deal with with my children. I am very thankful for that! I know that some children just have a “tantrum temperament”, and that can be very difficult to deal with. But with my children what has been extremely helpful is to put myself in their shoes. Are they tired? Not feeling well? Did he have a fight with his best friend? Did she just lose her favorite toy? There are so many things that can be devastating to a child, and even when they seem to have handled it well it still bothers them. When a tantrum hits for my children I can pretty much guarantee that there’s something completely removed from the situation that has actually caused the tantrum. And let’s face it, we all need to blow off a little steam sometimes.
Just walk a mile in their shoes, go over their day in your mind. You’d be surprised at what you might discover is the core of the problem. Stay calm, and talk, talk, talk with the child. It can sometimes work miracles. At least it lets them know how much you love them, even if it doesn’t solve their problem.
And if all else fails, there’s always duct tape. Just kidding!!
Please note!! I DO NOT advocate the use of duct tape, or any other type of restraint to be used on your children! I do not want to read in the papers tomorrow about the sudden upswing of duct tape related child abuse! Thank you for reading, and be good to each other!
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Member: Beverley
Location: Canada
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So good to be home, but so very tired!
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