Remembering ( Coping With Death Of Family And Friends)
Nov 18 '00
After reading a few epinions today on coping with death. It got me to thinking of the loved ones that have passed on.
The first was my very first boy friend way back in 1948 we were both 14 years old. It was Mother's Day three of my brothers, two of my cousins and myself were at a near by channel playing with a round bottom of an old boat that we found we called it a turtle shell we had played with a few times in the water. This was the last time anyone played with it. Our friend Johnny wearing his favorite big heavy boots and camouflage pants and jacket took out the turtle shell with only a paddle. Oh my 52 years ago and I can hardly tell what happened next. Johnny was way out in the weedy water and the turtle shell boat tipped over dumping Johnny into the water, he went under we never saw him come up, we all ran the block to my house to get my Mom to call the fire department. Then we ran next door to tell Johnny's Mom.
The fire department came it took a long time to find him. Johnny was gone. The fire department axed the turtle shell boat bottom into little pieces so that no one else would be its victim.
We were all in shock and to young to realize that he was gone for ever. The funeral the first one for all of us. It made it set in for all of us. Johnny was forever lost to us.
The second person to pass away was my Grandmother who lived with us. Jan. 1949 I came home from school to learn that she had laid down to take a nap after lunch and never woke up. Grandmas funeral was on my 15 Th. birthday. That was a very hard time for me. She was the person that taught me many things. From her I learned to sew, quilt, knit and embroider along with many other things. I still miss her, and think of her often,
In my adult life I have lost another Grandmother, aunts a Father-in-law, ex mother-in-law and friends they were all older and coping was a little easier.
Then in Aug. 1981 my Dad went to the hospital after passing out at home, after three days in the hospital he was to come home my Husband and I were to go and bring him, we were about to leave home to go, when the phone rang the hospital said he took a turn for the worse, Its a two hour drive to the hospital he was gone when we got there. I have felt guilty every day since for not getting there to see him. It is so hard to live with the fact that I never got to say good bye. I miss him so much. I keep him in my memories and my heart forever.
Hard as it was to cope with the death of my farther it was even harder to cope with the death of my Daughter at the age of 21 years. So young just starting out in life. On June 13, 1975, She was driving to her new home that she and her fiancee had just moved into. There was a head on crash my beautiful Donna died instantly nearly decapitated. The other car had three people in it they were all killed. Coping with this has taken its toll on me. I did have to pull myself together for I still had four other daughters that needed their mother. In the twenty-five years since this happened there's never a day gone by that I haven't thought of her. The accident was only a mile from my home. I drive past the accident site nearly every day, and always remember as I pass by it.
For many years on Mother's day morning I would wake in the morning crying, I would then go to the drawer where I still keep the book from the funeral home and all the cards that we got from her many Friends, Coworkers, Family, etc.I would take them out read them, cry, remember the good times, the bad times. I don't do this much any more. The first few years the holidays where hard without her. Still now every year we hang her Christmas sock that she made in first grade. There was a time at first that I pretended that she was a still away in Florida and would come home soon. I know she is in a better place and one day will see her again.
The death of my nephew the most recent in July 1999. I have written three epinions on. (Coping with death after murder) The torture 4 day murder of my 31 year old nephew so senseless, and he wasn't the guy they thought he was. These monsters killed the wrong man. This has been tearing me apart for the last 14 months. His Mom and my brother are not coping with this at all. Randy when very young was my garage sale buddy we were close, A better guy you wont find is how the 80 year old lady next door to him said it to the news people. He would cut her grass and shovel the snow from her walk because he knew that she couldn't and shouldn't be doing it. I keep his picture on my computer desk and get butterflies in my stomach every time I look at it. The thought of what he suffered those four days tears me apart, coping I`M not. But this to will pass.
I hope there's something in my words from the heart that may help someone else.
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Epinions.com ID:
MSTAUF
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Member: MARGE STAUFFENEKER
Location: MAPLE PLAIN MINN.
Reviews written: 55
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