From a Teenager's Perspective
May 05 '00
After reading some of the opinions written in this topic, I thought that I owed it to myself and all teenagers out there to give a slightly different viewpoint. I'm 18 years old, and feeling that I have been through all the highs and lows of the teenage years, I'll just tell you how your teenager is thinking. I'm not basing this on simply my experiences, but those of all the teenagers that I have seen. This will probably mostly apply to girls.
Teenagers are confused blobs of emotional distress. Most of my friends, including me, went through a stage of what seemed to be extreme depression around the beginning of the teen years. We were also very very very shallow, gawking at cute boys and back-stabbing our friends. No matter how much our parents talked to us, we couldn't change any of that. So what should a parent do? Believe that the values you have instilled in your children will hold true throughout the teenage years. I was all mouth when I was an early teen, and had no problem screaming at my parents for every little thing.
This may sound bad, but don't scream back. Your relationship with your teenager will be better later on if you try to understand them. There are always exceptions, but if you have taught your children to be good, kind people, you've done all you can.
Middle teens are a different story. I used to think that my parents were way too strict on me. They wouldn't let me go out with anybody alone in a car until I was 16. They wouldn't let me drive long distances when I got my own car. I thought that everything was completely unfair, but now I wholly appreciate their concern. I fought tooth and nail with them, screaming and crying and demanding my independence even when I had no idea what I wanted. There's an odd transitional stage somewhere around 15 or 16 in which you have to put your foot down.
Growing up, my parents taught me to be a baptist, and I changed my mind later on. Religion can be a touchy issue, but I love the way that my dad handles it. He talks to me about his beliefs, and he listens to my beliefs. Parents need to know that they are not solely responsible for shaping the way their children believe.
That brings me to the topic of rebellion. I think that I'm still in my rebellion stage, but I still know and believe the basic, common sense things that my parents have taught me. The important thing is that I know how to avoid dangerous situations, and if you teach your teenager that, they should be fine.
Know that if your relationship with your teenager is good, you can trust them to do the right thing. If your relationship resembles something off a Jerry Springer episode, you may want to get worried. I've put my dad through a lot. I've dyed my hair every color of the rainbow, gotten piercings and tattoos, and gone places that I wasn't supposed to go. But the basics of what he taught me are still imprinted into my brain: If you're going to drink, drink safely. If you're ready to have sex, do it safely. If you're at a party, know that there are people there that you can count on, people that wouldn't let you get hurt.
So you may not know what they're doing or where they're going, but it could be better that way. I assure you that if your teenager has common sense, they will heed to the basics. Talk to them about what's going on in their lives. You won't just turn around one day and find out that your teen is a heroin addict. In the late teens, support them, let them go out and make mistakes, and they'll realize that you're right. I know I did. The late teenage years are an excellent time to get closer to your children, because we can finally begin to relate to more adult things like work and responsibility.
What not to do: Don't disown them, whatever you do. Don't try to mold them to what you want them to be, just encourage them to make good decisions. Don't lay blame on them if their car breaks down or if they can't find a job, give them advice, make suggestions. When they reach the ages of 16, 17, 18, don't assume that they're still young and that they don't know what's going on in the world. They probably know more than you do, talk to them like you would talk to a peer.
There's so much more, but those are the basics. If you've read down this far, thanks for listening.
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Epinions.com ID:
rebelgrrl
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Member: Melody Addington
Reviews written: 36
Trusted by: 19 members
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