What It Feels Like to Lose Two Best Friends in Two Weeks
Oct 11 '00 (Updated Oct 15 '00)
This is the first review I’ve ever written with a heavy heart and hopefully the last. I debated whether I should keep my sadness to myself and maintain my buffoonish reputation but ultimately decided that I may help others by sharing my grief. (And just so you don’t think I’m a Mother Teresa Wannabe and am unselfishly suffering for the good of the people, I must admit that I am also doing this for myself in hopes that it may be a cathartic experience---plus, you may recall that I limit my female-wannabe fantasies to young blond sluts---not dead gray-haired saints.)
The reason I’m in such a melancholy state is that I have lost two of my best friends in the past two weeks---two buddies who brightened my life for a combined total of thirty years are now gone. I buried my precious Snowshoes on the first day of Fall and have given up hope of ever again seeing my beloved Zeuss after ten days of fruitless searching.
Snowshoes came into my life before I was even of legal age when his mother gave birth in my dorm-room closet. It was the first time I had ever witnessed the actual miracle of birth and he was the last kitten to emerge into this world (as well as the last birth of any kind in my closet-- while there were no specific rules prohibiting bearing young on school property, my R.A. seemed to think it best that I not “raise animals on campus”.)
Snowshoes wasn’t even noticed by his mother because she was already busy tending to the rest of her brood, so when he began struggling to breathe through his birth sac, I knew it was up to me to intervene.
Unfortunately, I assumed that either he or his mom would know what to do since they had more experience at being cats than I did, but my assumption proved wrong. As I watched this tiny furball writhe and squirm in a desperate fight to free himself and take his first breath, I soon realized that he had stopped moving and simply had given up and laid absolutely still. I frantically picked up his lifeless body, wiped the afterbirth from his face and began to gently massage his limp and lifeless body. After an agonizing minute or two, Snowshoes jerked his body, opened his mouth, and gasped. Within the hour, he had taken his place next to his brothers and sisters and I knew that I was now responsible for the life I had saved and that we would stay together ’forever’.
‘Forever’ ended on a chilly day two weeks ago. As I covered his once-again lifeless body with dirt twenty years later, I sobbed like a baby. The tears falling into his grave were not for Snowshoes---he had lived a wonderful life for far longer than most cats---I cried for me---my life would no longer be the same without my faithful little buddy. My outgoing and gentle pal would no longer make me laugh at his antics-- such as the time he was too lazy to so much as lift a paw when a mouse literally walked across his dozing body on the deck. He opened one eye and watched the mouse scurry down his belly, but Snowshoes always believed in the “Live and Let Live” philosophy and simply grinned at the ‘prey’ inches from his face. Then there was the time---oh, never mind---the last thing I want to do is sound like Kathie Lee-Gifford painfully re-telling every little milestone in Cody’s life (she may be blond, but she ain’t young, so I have no desire to identify with her tendency to bore everyone to tears with mundane details of my life!)
Suffice it to say, Snowshoes and I shared thousands of special moments together—he repaid me tenfold for saving his life and I must now go on without him. I found the perfect headstone for him last week and within minutes of placing the concrete cat on his grave, I felt a total sense of peace and acceptance wash over me as a bluejay and a rabbit converged on the newly turned soil above his body and shared several quiet moments together. The fact that these two creatures appeared out of nowhere and coexisted in silence only inches from Snowshoes and myself was so representative of Snowshoes’ spirit that I knew that he was in heaven---for the first time since his death, I smiled when I thought of my departed long-time companion.
Zeuss was a relative youngster compared to the ancient Snowshoes. Zeuss also entered my life as a kitten, but under much different circumstances. I was a twenty-something rebel drunkenly dancing at an outdoor Tom Petty concert. As I tried my best to appear cool and sexy while staggering around to the beat of “Don’t Do Me Like That”; a tiny white kitten appeared from nowhere and began to claw his way up my leg. By the time I figured out that the nails in my crotch did not belong to my girlfriend, it was too late---Zeuss had already decided that we were meant to be together forever.
“Forever” with Zeuss ended only one week after my final farewell to Snowshoes and almost ten years to the day after I awoke next to him after our first drunken night of partying together. Ten days ago, he took advantage of the opportunity to sneak out of the open backdoor while I stood on my deck talking to a friend on the phone. I have since walked countless miles through the woods aimlessly searching for my naïve, but loving chum and awakened countless times in the middle of the night to call his name plaintively into the cold night air.
Zeuss would certainly have done anything in his power to help me when I was in distress, so of course I have attempted to do the same for him. I spent one of the worst hours of my life at the animal shelter last night going from cage to cage hoping beyond hope that the next cage would contain my lost friend. With each cage, my heart broke even more as I was confronted not with Zeuss and his attitude of “what took you so long?!’, but with cat after cat begging to be released---desperate for love and attention. Old cats and kittens, black cats and calicos, scared cats and furry clowns all looked me in the eye with the same sense of resignation to being strays doomed to die alone. Having to pass by hundreds of pairs of hopeless, yet sadly optimistic eyes will haunt me for many years. Having to leave without finding Zeuss will haunt me for a lifetime.
My remaining cat and my dog obviously know that something is wrong in the world. They are depressed and cling to me as if they are afraid that I will abandon them as well. The not-knowing of what has happened to Zeuss is far worse than burying Snowshoes. My imagination doesn’t even rest at night and I cannot stop the constant visions of him wandering cold and hungry lost in the woods or being tortured by malicious teenagers or being attacked by a neighborhood dog. Has another family taken him into their home? Is he wondering why I don’t come and get him? What if someone has him, but doesn’t know he and I are meant to be together? Did he die at peace or tormented in fear and pain?
MY ADVICE
*As with everything in life---don’t sweat the small stuff with your pets. I cannot tell you the guilt I feel for the times I screamed at Snowshoes and Zeuss for things like urinating on the carpet. I keep having flashbacks of their terrified little faces as I yelled at them for accidents they had long since forgotten. How I wish I could turn back time and simply have accepted that we all make mistakes rather than terrorize my little friends for their setbacks. (Bonus- This tip also allows me to continue my trend of a urination reference in each review.)
*Do not take your pet friends for granted. Their whole lives revolve around you, and it is almost unbearable to recall the times I was ‘too busy’ to bother with giving them my undivided attention. They don’t ask for much and the least we can do is to spend a little quality time with them. Please read my review titled “Chained to a Tree 24/7” for a full description of returning the love a pet offers to you.
*Most importantly--- INSURE THAT YOUR PET HAS AN I.D.!!
I bought a new tag for my dog several months ago which contained my name, address, and telephone number. I briefly considered getting tags for my cats, but decided against it since they are ‘indoor cats’. Why would they need a tag when they never go outside?! In hindsight, I should have realized that even indoor cats can escape! How much better I would feel if I knew that Zeuss was safe and sound and received a call from someone telling me to come pick him up! But since I failed to give him an I.D., I will never know what happened to him. Because I was too cheap to spend the $4 for a tag, I have failed him miserably and cannot forgive myself for my lapse in judgment.
*But My Cat Could Never Tolerate a Collar!
That belief also factored into my decision to not buy cat tags. What if he gets his collar caught on something and chokes to death? I don’t want him to be uncomfortable! Well, no more excuses! Almost all Vets now offer the service of implanting a microchip the size of a grain of rice into your animal’s neck. This $25 service will insure that if your pet is ever missing and then winds up at a shelter, they can be scanned like a grocery product and your name and phone number will be revealed. How I wish that Zeuss had my phone number under his skin!! Don’t think your cat won’t escape---ask your Vet to tag your pet with a microchip this weekend!
*Last, But Not Least!
Spay/Neuter your pet! If you don’t think it makes a difference then I challenge you to walk through your local animal shelter and look into the eyes of hundreds of unloved and unwanted creatures that want nothing more than to be a part of your life.
Snowshoes and Zeuss thank you for doing the right thing.
**UPDATE**
It is now 10/15, four days after I wrote this editorial. At 4 a.m. this morning I woke up with the strong urge to go to my front porch. You guessed it! Zeuss was sitting there looking up at me like I had made a big deal over nothing. I had spent two hours yesterday making signs and fliers and had planned on saturating the neighborhood today. Far from being skinny and bedraggled, he was fatter than he was when he left the house two and a half weeks ago! I laughed and cried, but must admit the reunion wasn't like in the movies where he ran into my arms in slow motion--he ran right past me to his food dish (in fast motion.)
I truly believe that the combination of Snowshoes guiding him from above and the positive thoughts from all of you brought him back home safely. I plan to email every one of you who commented and share the news with you personally in case you don't return here and read my update. I cannot tell you how much your uplifting remarks meant to me and I know your positive energy is why this story had a happy ending.
Of course, I will now take my own advice and insure that Zeuss has ID, and hope that future readers don't become complacent just because I was lucky enough to be reunited with my pal. I must now go play some Tom Petty for Zeuss so that we can re-enact our first meeting (of course I will wear a protective cup over my privates this time- it's one thing to have a 6 oz. kitten hanging from your family jewels--it's quite another to dangle 15 lbs. from your Tender Vittles!)
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Epinions.com ID:
Hard_To_Please
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Location: St. Louis, MO
Reviews written: 47
Trusted by: 741 members
About Me:
MARK IS MISSED!
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