What's tattooed on YOUR forehead?
Mar 07 '00 (Updated Oct 14 '00)
I spent many years working as a crisis counselor for rape and domestic abuse victims. In a nutshell, when a victim would arrive at the local police station or emergency room, the staff would call our center, the center would page me, and I would meet with the victim. My duties at the center didn't end there--I was responsible for "running interference" between the victim and the police, the victim and the ER staff, and was sometimes required to appear in court as a witness for the prosecution.
One of the most important capacities I filled was that of Self Defense/Rape Avoidance instructor. No, I didn't teach weapons handling or Karate. I taught common sense. I'd like to share some of my "wisdom" on the subject of avoiding becoming a victim of crime. Most of these gems are geared to women, but I think all can benefit from them:
Traffic Safety
Drive Courteously--I know, I shouldn't have to say it. We should just do it. Unfortunately, we often do drive in a way that inspires anger in others. Don't "flip off" other drivers, don't honk in heavy traffic or flash your brights. Don't shout at other drivers, or shake your fist in anger. You have no way of knowing who it is you're screaming at, and you may inspire a violent confrontation--remember, those around you are likely as frustrated as you are.
Leave yourself a "safety zone" when approaching a stop sign or red light. Leave enough room between yourself and the car ahead of you to provide an "out" if necessary. A common "jacking" technique is for the attacker to pull his own vehicle directly behind yours, then approach you when you have no route of escape. Leave yourself a margin large enough to get your car out if necessary.
Are you being followed? DON'T stop to confront those following you. DON'T drive to your home. DON'T head toward sparsely populated areas. Drive to your nearest police station, highway patrol station, or hospital emergency room. If none of these places are near you, shoot for a busy shopping district, or otherwise crowded area. Criminals like privacy--don't give it to them.
Always lock your car doors!--Don't make it easy for someone who wants to either get to you, or get to your car. Make them work for it!
Don't hang your purse from the back of your seat--Don't leave it sitting in plain view on the passenger seat, either. Why make yourself more attractive to the "smash and grab" crowd?
If you get a flat in a remote area or "bad" neighborhood, drive that rim into the ground. Better to need to replace a rim than find yourself the victim of a crime.
If you break down, stay in your vehicle! Turn on your flashers. Use your cellular phone if you have one. If someone stops to offer aid, leave your doors locked, roll your window down slightly, and ask them to call the highway patrol for you.
Dating Safety
Don't hand your personal information over to a complete stranger--if I had a dollar for every victim who had given her name, address, phone number, and information about roommates, schedules, etc., upon the first meeting in a club, I'd be rich. Look at it this way--if a person you'd never met walked up to you in 7-11 and demanded your address, phone number, and information about when you'd be alone, would you give it? The person in the bar may seem nice, but the fact remains it's a stranger. If you meet someone you think would make a fun date, arrange to meet in a public place for dinner, a movie, etc. Do your own driving.
Don't agree to single blind dates--if a friend sets you up with a date, make it a double. Not only is that a better way to keep conversation flowing, it's also a way to keep you safe, should this person prove to be dangerous. Again--this is a stranger.
Don't invite a first date to your home, and don't accept an invitation to theirs You may think you've met a wonderful person (and likely you have), but one date isn't enough time to get a real handle on a person. Don't allow yourself to be alone with someone you don't know well, especially in situation as charged as a date.
Home Safety
Lock those doors! Always. Even if you're only walking down the complex hall to do your laundry. There was a serial rapist in Ohio a few years back who counted on women to leave their apartment doors unlocked while traipsing to the laundry. He would sit across the street and wait for a women to walk down the hall. Then, easy as you please, he would walk over, enter the unlocked apartment, and wait. His victims counted in the dozens. It's really that easy for a rapist--if you allow it to be. Another predator in Denver raped and killed two women in their own homes--all he did was wait for these women to let their dogs out for the night. Invariably, the women left their back doors open, and the predator, armed with treats for the dogs, was able to enter the homes with impunity. Other predators have been known to wait for folks to check their curbside mailboxes, entering the home with ease while the homeowner is at the curb. Lock those doors.
Get a dog! A large dog, if possible. Most run-of-the-mill burglars don't want a confrontation, and a large, barking dog IN THE HOME will often deter them.
Have a "safe room" in your home--a closet with a door that locks from the inside is ideal. Put a phone in there--preferably a cellular phone.
If possible, GET OUT! If someone breaks into your home while you are there, don't play hero. Your loved ones don't need a dead hero. Your children don't need to be proud of your bravery posthumously. If at all possible, avoid a confrontation. Escape, then call the police.
If your purse or wallet is stolen, CHANGE YOUR LOCKS! If someone has your ID, they have your address. If someone has stolen your purse, they likely have your address and your keys. In other words, they can show up at any time, and stroll right in. Change the locks immediately.
Don't open the door! Not for "delivery people," not for "repair people"--not unless you KNOW they're supposed to be there, you can SEE their vehicle (and it's the correct vehicle), and they can SHOW ID. If in doubt, call the company. Better safe than sorry.
If you suspect someone has broken in, LEAVE! If you come home to an open door you're sure you closed, a broken window, or if you just walk in and get a "hinky" feeling, LEAVE. Immediately! Go next door and call the police! The very worst that will happen is that you will discover you were mistaken. Far better than what can happen if you were right, but ignored your gut instinct.
Common Sense Safety Tips
Avoid alleys, dark streets, strange neighborhoods! Seems like common sense, I know, but it needs to be said.
Don't get drunk if you're unfamiliar with your surroundings! This is especially important in "touristy" areas. There are people who wait for drunken marks to wander from clubs. There are people who will buy your drinks, just to ensure ease of attack when you leave. Keep your wits about you if you are not among trusted friends.
If you're in a club or at a party, hang on to that drink! An unfortunate but increasingly common form of attack is the slipping of "date rape drugs" (like GHB and Rohypnol)into a potential victim's drink. These drugs incapacitate the victim, rendering him/her incapable of resisting attack. Even more frightening is that these drugs can be deadly, especially when used in large doses or mixed with alcohol or other depressants. So hang on to your drink, never put it down, take it with you everywhere--even the bathroom.
Avoid stairwells in larger/newer buildings--most municipalities require that stairwells be "fireproof." "Fireproof" means sound proof. No one will hear you if you cry for help. Take the elevator, and get your exercise at the gym.
If you feel bad about it, get off! If you're on an elevator, and someone gets on who makes you uncomfortable, get off on the next floor. If you catch an elevator car, and those doors open to reveal someone who makes you nervous, pass. Wait for the next car. When you get on an elevator, stake out the buttons! If you are attacked, push as many as you can--the car will stop at every floor, and those doors will open. Again--a criminal needs privacy. Do all you can to make sure he/she doesn't get it.
Always check your car before getting in! Don't just hop in your car without looking in the back seat. It only takes a moment, and it could save your life.
Always park in a well lit area! Darkness is the friend of criminals. Don't park there.
Do NOT use your car alarm as a locator system! When you leave a show, an amusement park, a sporting event, whatever, do NOT stand there and "tweak" your alarm as a way to find your car. You are announcing to the world exactly where you are parked, and giving criminals the perfect opportunity to get there before you do.
Wear your purse under a jacket! Better yet, leave the purse at home, and wear a fanny pack under your jacket. Stuff your wallet down the front of your pants, or in boot top. Make it difficult for the purse snatchers and pick pockets, and they'll move on to an easier mark.
If robbed, cooperate! Most muggers don't want to draw blood--they want your cash. Many muggers will hurt you if you resist. Be calm, hand it over, and walk away. I don't know about you, but nothing in my wallet is worth dying for.
If pulled toward an alley, resist! This goes back to the privacy issue--a simple mugger may become much worse in the darkness and privacy of an alley. Don't let him get you in there.
If physically attacked, fight! Someone who physically attacks you isn't after your money. They're after you. Fight. Be LOUD. This is especially important if someone is trying to force you into a car. Fight as if your life depended on it--because it probably does. A woman forced into a car is a rape victim--period. Anyone forced into a car is likely a murder victim, too. Do anything and everything you can to avoid being forced into a car. If someone enters your car, do everything possible to get out.
Keep fighting! Most men have much greater upper body strength than women. We all know that. What many don't know is that most women can match men in lower body strength. If a man knocks you to the ground, do all you can to keep your feet towards him, and kick like a maniac while screaming your head off. Scream "FIRE!" It's more likely to get attention, because people fear it's their stuff on fire. Do all you can to keep your assailant's weight OFF you--both men and women have a difficult time dislodging the weight of a man.
DON'T go for the testicles! Dollars to donuts, you'll miss, and you'll have an enraged attacker. Eyes, throat, ears, nose--all make better targets, and even folks with less upper body strength can do some damage in these areas.
Keep an eye toward escaping the situation! Even if you manage to hurt an attacker, even if you manage to floor him, RUN! The point isn't to subdue him, but rather to escape the situation. Leave the "hold him here 'til the police show up" theatrics to Hollywood. They don't cut it in real life.
Keep your eyes open! If you pull into a parking lot and see folks who make you uncomfortable, leave! Be alert to your surroundings--is there a gang of toughs outside the Circle K? Is there someone lurking around your car when you leave the grocery store? AVOID them! It's worth the hassle, believe me.
Always carry your keys in hand! This way, if your bag is stolen, you still have your keys!
Invest in a self defense spray. Mace, pepper spray, tear gas--check your local laws, and grab what best suits your needs. I'm partial to my pepper spray/tear gas mix. Attaches to my keychain nicely, has a lovely little leather case. Don't bury your spray in a pocket or purse--it does you no good if you cannot access it quickly.
Do NOT carry a gun unless you are proficient in its use! Handguns may be "the great equalizers," but if you aren't completely proficient in their use, your attacker will take your gun from you and lay you flat with it. Remember--when you introduce a firearm into a situation, you immediately escalate that encounter to a deadly level. If you feel you must carry a gun, enroll in a course that teaches self defense with an emphasis on firearms. As with sprays, do NOT bury a gun in a bag, purse, etc. Get your proper permits, and invest in a holster.
A final note--if you have been the victim of a crime, REPORT IT TO THE POLICE! If you have been raped, GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM ASAP, CALL THE POLICE, ALLOW THE ER STAFF TO PERFORM A RAPE KIT, AND FILE A COMPLAINT! This is SO important! A rapist only rapes once if he is killed or caught before he gets the chance to do it again! If you do not file a report, if you do not allow the ER staff to perform a rape kit, you are giving that rapist your permission to rape again. Don't do that--don't allow him to victimize you twice! Believe me, I know you're hurt, I know you're afraid, I know you feel humiliated. Allowing the person who did this to you to walk away is not going to make you feel any better. Ask the ER staff if there is a crisis center in the area--if there is, they'll know, and they'll call for you. Having an advocate with you in the ER can make all the difference.
And remember--no victim is ever to blame for the crime. No matter what the crime. No matter where you were walking, what you were wearing, or how much cash you were carrying. The blame belongs to the assailant. Let him/her own it.
I hope this helps someone.
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