The Ground Floor, The First Floor, The Second Floor, The Third Floor
Dec 20 '00
The ground floor is fantasyland. This is where everyone sleeps with everyone else. It is the world of romance novels and movie stars. Einstein said imagination is more important than knowledge. And fantasyland can not be all bad. But too often people so mistake the ground floor for the first, second, and third floors, they end up limiting the partner's potential for personal growth. Instead of saying, I am positively excited you go out there and do things and meet people, the tone becomes one of, so where have you been, who did you see, have you been seeing anyone else.
The first floor would be the social world. This is where you meet people, interact with them. Some people are decided loners, others can make do with a few close friends and anyone else they might have to meet for work and recreation. At the other end are people who have to socialize, like they have to breathe. They have to be making new friends every day. There are relentless conversations.
The second floor is the one of handshakes and hugs. I, for one, like to pat people on their backs. There are many who would rather not be touched by someone they might have only briefly met. These too are merely extensions of conversations.
The third floor would be one of physical intimacy. Most people I know tend to think of this stage as one replete with emotional meanings. There are kisses and beyond.
Just the other day I served a couple at the local restaurant who said were best friends but came across as people who might pair up for good. The woman was divorced. She complained of suffocation in the first marriage. The husband wants you to no longer meet too many people, or visit places, or that you become a sort of threat that you are out there cultivating new interests, the fear that you might become unknown quantity.
Because an intimate relationship involves the entire building, in that you do fantasize about your partner, you do hold conversations with them, touch them, kiss them, some people have a hard time imagining that the ground floor and the third floor are two different spheres of existence. Family, when it is functional, becomes like faith. It strengthens you to go out there and give your very best to the things you might want to do, in terms of career as well in terms of hobbies and interests.
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paramendra
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Member: Paramendra Bhagat
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