Maybe we aren't ready after all...
Jul 15 '00
For anyone out there expecting a child, and undecided on breastfeeding, I wanted to share my experience. There really isn't any other place for this editorial, so I respectfully submit it here.
My younger daughter it now showing signs of wanting to wean; at 16 months old, she has been very resistant to my constant efforts to wean her. Why am I all of a sudden feeling so ambivalent about this?
I'll start from the beginning. As a first-time mom, I wasn't really hip to the idea of breastfeeding. The thought of exposing myself constantly put my prudish side on alert. My husband was insistent that I should breastfeed; for him, I thought I would give a try. After all, I could always fall back on formula.
The two weeks after she was born were hard; I won't lie about that. Suffice it to say, every day I warned my husband that I would be quitting. My daughter wouldn't latch on correctly, or she would act as if she was still hungry, both of which I considered adequate reason to stop. Every feeding started the same: I would cry, thinking about the "torture" ahead. Then... all of a sudden, I realized I was no longer sore. Maybe this would work after all.
When my daughter was 10 weeks old, after recovering fully from the emergency cesarean surgery, I rejoined the workforce. I remember spending most of the day crying; leaving her was so emotionally draining. I was lucky in that a friend of mine was her daycare provider, so I was able to get my "baby fix" often during the day. My lunch time became her lunchtime, as I spent the next several months shuttling between work and home, determined to make nursing work. Alas, my friend moved, and my daughter went into a day care center (don't feel bad for her: the military day care system is excellent in most areas). I now spent my lunch time at my office, though my daughter was still intent on nursing at night.
There were several times I thought she was weaning herself, only to find a short nursing strike. Then it happened: we bought our first home, and after moving, she decided that at 9 months old she was done. End of that. I was ready, because now I could get more sleep!
Our younger daughter was born in 1999. I knew from the start that I was absolutely going to breastfeed again. Apparently, she agreed! From the experience I had with my older daughter, I spent some time psyching myself for what was to come. To my surprise, it was unnecessary. The nursing relationship was off to a smooth start; no pain, no worries.
We have had a tough year in our family. We sold our house in Washington state, moved into military housing temporarily, had to adopt out our beloved family pets and moved to Hawaii in February. And after years of being attached to a shore command, my husband has returned to sea duty. At every turn, I expected a nursing strike, or for my baby to want to wean. Many times, I was eagerly pushing the idea of weaning.
Her first birthday arrived, and I knew what present she was getting. Fat chance. She was certain she wanted no part of separating herself from me.
Over the last few weeks, though, she has gradually tapered off. For meals she had been using a cup for several months, but now she was wanting a bottle for her naps.
And it has happened. Last night, after over a year of my face being the last thing she sees before falling asleep, she was able to fall asleep with her bottle of water. Why does this bother me, I ask myself?
The only answer I could find wasn't simple. As a mom, I am so happy that she is finally feeling independent enough to be able to distance herself from me in this way. I also realized that maybe I'm not so ready after all for the baby to be a full-fledged, card carrying toddler. I know that I don't want this to be the last time I ever kiss my baby's sweet smelling forehead, or help her learn to walk and talk. Hmm, the idea of a third child becomes more appealing all the time.
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Member: Dana
Location: Virginia
Reviews written: 26
Trusted by: 21 members
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