Is Breast Always Best? Responses To The Comments
Dec 19 '00
On November 22, 2000, I posted an article, Is Breast Always Best? on another web site called Themestream. While the article received some positive comments, there were some people that where not so nice. There were also a lot of people who gave it a poor rating without leaving any comments. I am reprinting my response to the comments I received on Epinions, because I feel this will help explain my personal opinion better. I strongly advocate education and support among mothers and I hope this article makes that clear.
First, let me clarify my position. I am not anti-breastfeeding. I think breastfeeding is great and miraculous thing. I support breastfeeding and honest, non-judgmental, non-militant breastfeeding education. I believe that woman should not be criticized for breastfeeding in public in a discreet way. However, I do NOT support militant anything. I do not agree that woman should be badgered into breastfeeding. I don't believe that woman should be made to feel guilty for the way they choose to feed their baby. I strongly support all mothers right to choose how to raise their child. I am attempting to raise my child following the general principles presented by Dr. Sears in "The Baby Book." Many people do not understand attachment parenting and I have been criticized for some of my choices. I know what it feels like, and I think it's wrong for anyone to criticized another parent's choices (I am not including abusive or neglectful situations.)
Second, I want to address some of the comments that were made in response to the first article.
"Nice article, although a little bit of trolling is involved."
It was never my intention to "troll". I am a volunteer moderator on a bulletin board for expectant and new mothers. It is generally a friendly and supportive place; however there are occasional disagreements over the way babies are feed. On a few occasions some very hurtful things have been said. In my personal experience, the militant breastfeeding moms have been the most hurtful. It is very upsetting for me to see anyone hurt. In addition, I think this petty and hurtful attitude turns people off. I wrote the original article, because I was upset by the way some breastfeeding mothers were treating bottle-feeding mothers. I feel very strongly that there is NEVER a good reason to hurt someone else's feelings. I do not believe the ends justify the means... and in this case the means don't seem to achieve the desired ends anyway.
"...If women feel uncomfortable breastfeeding because of societies sexualization of breasts -- isn't it even more important to promote the acceptance of breastfeeding and to change the culture towards a more healthy view of breasts."
I completely agree! I am not against education. I am against hurting other people, badgering other people, and making others feel bad because they are uncomfortable with breastfeeding. I strongly support education and breastfeeding acceptance... just not at the expense of someone's feelings.
"When I was feeding my son I was taken aback more by people admonishing that I shouldn't do 'that' in public."
I'm sorry people treated you poorly.
"Not singling you out or anything, but I find it sad when people try to find things wrong with breastfeeding to justify their feeding choice. I think I might do the same thing if I gave up breastfeeding or did not try to do it. I might have to find some wonderful things about formula so I could feel better about my choice."
Not singling you out or anything, but I find it sad when people make assumptions. How do you know how I choose to feed my child? I just don't think that mothers should hurt each other. This isn't about winning the most people to "our" side. It's about raising happy, healthy, and loved children. Badgering mothers and making them feel guilty and inadequate does nothing to help anyone. If anything, being dogmatic and judgmental just makes it harder to get people to listen.
"....many woman who give up, do so because their husbands either suggest 'kindly' that they give up, or are downright unsupportive."
If a woman's husband isn't being supportive, how will it help her if other mothers are making her feel guilty, too? This seems to support my conclusion that mother's should stick together. I'm not saying that we can't work to change perceptions or try to change society's view of breastfeeding, but making a specific woman feel bad because her husband isn't supportive of breastfeeding does not achieve anything positive.
"I believe breastfeeding can be stressful, and for some mothers, almost impossible, but, without even giving it a thought, I feel you just aren't as dedicated to giving your child the best. .... I apologize if I offended anyone with my response."
This is a perfect example of what concerns me! First, how could anyone say that another mother isn't dedicated to her children? It would never, ever occur to me to questions another mother's love for her children! Second, apologizing after intentionally saying something offensive doesn't stop the pain and the hurt. It just seems condescending. If you have any reason to suspect that your words will be offensive, why say it? Education doesn't have to be hurtful.
"I liked the article, breastfeeding can be much more difficult than us new mothers are led to believe and while I have had lots of positive support and am still breastfeeding, I don't feel women who give up on it should be made to feel like failures."
Thank-you!
"However, I would never intentionally make someone feel guilty for choosing not to breastfeed. If they feel guilty maybe there's a reason?"
Placing the blame on the other person seems like a cop-out.
"I wish they had more nursing rooms in the stores and restaurants."
AMEN!
"I honestly believe that a woman who has done thorough research of formula and breast milk would never choose formula, even if she was faced with a difficult breastfeeding scenario."
That's all I'm asking... let the facts speak for themselves. There is no reason to be hurtful to each other.
"As a breastfeeding mother I have found much more pressure and guilt put upon me by formula feeding mothers. Any difficulties experienced were met with 'just give her a bottle.'"
I think we should all support each other. I don't agree with formula feeding mothers badgering breastfeeding moms. I'm advocating support, education, and acceptance!
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Epinions.com ID:
lizf
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 - Top 1000 |
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Location: VA
Reviews written: 124
Trusted by: 109 members
About Me:
A writer is a controlled schizophrenic. Edward Albee
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