Internet Romance - It Can Happen To You
Sep 29 '00 (Updated Oct 04 '00)
Recently I was reading Dave Barry in CyberSpace and was startled to notice a section about 'net romances that.. well, let me put it this way: it rang true. How do I know this?
I was married for 15 years. About 10 years ago, the marriage started to sink down the tubes, and neither Koji nor I was very interested in fixing it. Our divorce will be final next month, and in the spring I am getting remarried, to a man I met on the internet. How did this all come about?
Six years ago, on my 30th birthday, I decided that it was time that I joined the internet revolution, so I upgraded my 2400 modem that I used for a bbs to a 14.4 (state of the art!) and got myself a dial up shell account. Within a matter of moments I was on IRC, chatting up a storm. Over the course of many months I became solidly addicted to the net, made many very close friends (lots of whom I am close with in 'real life' now as well), and became buried in net.culture.
After I had been an IRC addict for about six months, I started getting to know this 20 year old kid from Australia, Isotope. He was a self-described geek, and in love with a girl in Iowa, who he took off to meet. When he returned to IRC about 6 weeks later, he was happier than a pig in a manure pile, "It can really happen!" he said to me, elaborating on how perfect the trip had been, how wonderful Jewelz was, and how he was going to make a future with her. I was happy for him, and as time went on, we began to build a friendship.
One day I noticed that Jewelz was never online any more. I asked him about it, and he said that he had no clue what was up, she'd just basically stopped talking to him. It was evident that he was hurting pretty badly, and we spent a heck of a lot of time together, me providing a shoulder while he mourned over the unexplained loss of the woman he loved.
I honestly don't know how it happened, but I found myself falling for this kid. I was horrified, I mean, he was ten years younger than me, barely out of diapers, and hardly what I would consider good relationship material, what with that big wide ocean between us. One day we had an argument about something so stupid I can't even remember what it was about, and in a fit of pique I spilled it. "I love you, dammit!" I said, and he responded that he loved me too. Thus began the longest roller-coaster ride of my life.
For the next seven or eight months, we would meet online, talk, virtually cuddle, and whine about that nasty foul ocean. He was saving his money to make the trip over here to meet me, and my paranoia was growing at geometric rates. You see, I knew the following things about him: He was young, he came from an upper class upbringing, his family was staunch Roman Catholics. I also knew the following things about me: I was older than he was, finished having kids, I grew up on welfare, and my family and I are basically non-religious. Top it all off with the fact that I am disabled and very very overweight as a result of my disability, and I was positive that meeting him was the worst thing I could ever do. But he insisted, bought the plane ticket, and next thing I knew, I was meeting him at the airport.
As soon as he came through customs, I spotted him. This was NOT the same guy who had sent me his picture. The picture was a geeky nerdy kid with a bowl haircut and a stupid grin. The reality was the most.. beautiful man.. I have ever seen. Handsome is not a word to describe Isaac, he's flat out pretty. I came within an inch of turning around and bolting for the door, but he beat me to it, walking up to me and putting his arms around me, kissing me and whispering in my ear: "You look exactly the way I imagined you would."
Well.. what's a girl to do?
Over the next few years, Isaac visited me annually. He built his career in Australia, we fought with INS to get him a visa, and my ex and I continued on as we were so that I would not end up stuck with no health insurance or means of support(my ex is a great human being, everybody should have one like him). I also began building a business of my own.
In December of 1999, Isaac came to visit me for my birthday, the first of either of our birthdays that we had ever been able to spend together. My birthday present? An engagement ring. A week later he was on his way home to Australia, and I had a plane ticket to visit him in a couple of months, to meet his family.
Over the course of our relationship, numerous people have asked me why I didn't just pack up and move to Australia, rather than cope with the separation. The answer is simple: I have a nine year old daughter that I refuse to just walk away from. The next question I always get is: "So why don't you bring her with you?" - to that I can only respond: "What kind of a monster would I be if I took Amy away from her father and broke up a perfectly matched set?" Isaac has never once asked me to leave Amy, or to split her from her Dad, and has always supported me in putting my child and her needs first - this is one of the many proofs that Isaac is a good human being, one of the best. Good onya, Isaac.
After Amy and I visited Australia and got to know Isaac's family, he got an intra-company transfer and wound up working in.. CHICAGO! He has flown to San Francisco every weekend since then to see me, missing only a few visits due to work hassles. He is to be transferred permanently to San Francisco by the end of October or beginning of November, and I can't even begin to describe how excited I am. We're busting tail househunting in a terrible househunter's market, and also purchasing all the little things we will be needing, like, oh, a bed, sofa, TV, you know the drill.
The internet is an amazing way to meet people. Some people you will run across are pretty nasty specimens, but most of them are good folks at heart. I strongly recommend that you be cautious in any dealings with people you meet online, as you never know who is on the other end, or what their motivation is.
I doubt that there are many mass murdering mother rapers out there, but there are definitely people who don't care about other folk's feelings, or who just want to leech whatever they can from you and then walk away. I've met more than a few of those. I've also met Isaac, and many of my friends have met their perfect match online as well. My friends Micha and Nadine (who are battling immigration now), another pair of friends who have been married for a while now, my friends Lisa and Sonya (who have been happily together for 2+ years now) have all met and fallen in love via the internet, and all are happily involved in each other.
So, it can happen. And it can work. Welcome to the new millenium, where your perfect match is no longer the girl or boy next door, but possibly the girl or boy in the next chatroom.
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Member: Jenn Thomas
Location: San Carlos, CA
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