spank, time out, spank, yell--what do I do?Sep 21, 2000 Write an essay on this topic.
You want to raise your child right. But what is right??
There are many different ways to discipline a child. The following is a list of ways to discipline a child.
1. Spanking: This can be a simple swat on the hand to a formal "bend over and touch your toes"...pow. The good book says "Spare the rod and spoil the child" Does this mean that the Bible agrees with spanking? I believe that it means you should discipline your child in a manner fitting to you and the child. Some would argue that spanking is child abuse. I disagree. Spanking is good if it gets the message across. It, however, should not be the first measure that you try. If the child is old enough to understand, then tell him how many swats he is getting and why. Stick to it. If you say two, then two it is. A rational adult cannot tell a child you will get thirty swats. That is not logical...but so often, parents are mad and rather than punishing appropriately, then hit to relieve their anger, and that is when a parent hits thirty times. That is child abuse!!!!
2. Time out: This is where you tell a child that he must go to time out. Give him a time frame and tell him why he is going. Send him to the corner or just up against a wall. Some people use a time out chair. If he is against a wall, make him put his nose against it. As far as how long, a good rule of thumb is 1 minute for each year. A two year old will get two minutes. A three year old gets three minutes.
3. Take something away that the child loves: This could be a something such as TV time, time outside, or it could be taking a toy. Again, tell the child how long. Stick to it.
4. Grounding: This is very similar to taking something away. This is more for the older child. Take time away that he could be with his friends, or take his telephone. Give him a time frame and Stick to it.
Establish a look for your child that tells him you are serious. This should be a stern look that you use when you warn him. This work well with small children to know when you mean business. Sometimes you will not have to say a word, just give him the look and he will stop whatever it is he is doing.
You should always tell a child why he is being punished and for how long he will be punished. Stick to it. Have an order that you use. For example, first I tell you "no." Then I put you in time out. Then you get a swat.etc.
Always, after the child gets punished, you should hug him and tell him that you are not mad anymore and that you still love him. You should explain that you want him to mind because you love him. Explain why you did not want him doing what he was. That is dangerous and I don't want you to get hurt...or that hurts the doggie when you pull his tail...something like that. But always emphasize that you love him and now it is ok.
I do not believe in reverse psychology. I know someone who tells her three year old to jump in the pool and show everyone how cute he is. Of course, when company is there he will not jump in. She says, "Ok, don't jump in the pool...don't you dare jump in...." Splash the child is in the pool... The child is learning that it is ok to do the opposite of what mom says. He also gets mixed signals that sometimes it's ok to disobey. He will not know when you really do/don't want him doing something. I can just imagine her being outside and the phone ringing. She tells him don't get in the pool until I return. She returns with a drowned kid. What a frightful thought!!! Don't use reverse psychology, it confuses the child.
Do not use idle threats either. If you say that you will turn this car around and go home if you kids don't be quiet...mean it. Kids will get the message that you mean what you say. You can be trusted to tell them the truth and to be honest and that you will follow through on your promises. This may mean pulling into Disney Land and turning around and heading back to Texas or Kansas or where ever, but they will know you mean business. Rather, say "We will go back to the hotel, or you kids can't ride some ride." or anything else. Mean what you say!!!
This includes grounding. If you say all weekend, everybody in the house may hate it, but make him hold out all weekend. The message: We mean what we say. We can not be needled down.
Lastly, stick together. If there is more than one person who guides this child...stick together. This may mean that you need to go discuss his punishment before it is handed out. If you do disagree, do not discuss it in front of the child. If dad swats the child, and he turns with tears to mom, mom needs to support DAD. She should say something like "Daddy told you not to....he only wants to keep you safe." Do not come to his rescue until the punishment is over. Then tell him you love him.
It is hard to discipline children, but remember that this is what helps to make a good person when he is an adult...a person with values, and morals. They really want to have discipline and it is your job as a parent to give it to them. Good Luck.
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