Your childhood has alot to do with it

Jun 26, 2000

They say the two main issues couples agree to disagree on are money and children, I believe this to be so true. While money is somewhat discussed or our lack of it, for the most part our children are our main issue.

I would like to give you a brief background, if I may. I meet my husband when I was thirteen, we were childhood friends, so I was there for most of his teenage years. We dated off and on through highschool and finally got engaged and have been together ever since.

I had a very loving childhood, I was an only child and sometimes people assume that I was spoiled and I could do as I pleased, but that was not the case at all. My parents were very loving and supportive of me, and they set rules that I was to abide by. My parents main goals were for me to be a caring and respectful person and to behave myself and do well in school.

Now my mother was the "easy going" one, I could sometimes get away with things that I knew my father would never allow. Now I am not saying my mother didn't punish me when I misbehaved, she would and quite often too. Mostly I would lose a privilege or being grounded, these were mostly in my teens years. But let's just say if my school were to ever call home, I would hope my mom would be the one answering the call!

Now I had a very different view of my father when it came to discipline. I remember him having a big black belt neatly hanging on his bedroom door. He instilled the fear of god into me by telling me if I misbehaved that he would use that belt. You may wonder how many times he used that belt throughout my childhood? The answer is NONE, was I the perfect child, no far from it, but just the fear of that belt alone made me try to obey his rules and behave myself.

I will never forget the day I got my report card from the fourth grade. I was always on the honor roll and my father was quite proud. When I opened it and saw a "C" my heart just about stopped, I recall trembling all the way fearing how my father would react. Of course when I got home I immediately showed it to my mother, hoping she wouldn't let dad have a peek, but she told me I would have to show dad when he got home. That was the longest hour of my life waiting for my dad to come home. When he got home I showed him the report, he could tell I was fearful of my life, he stood up in which I thought he was going for the belt, instead he hugged me and explained that although he was disappointed he knew I could do better the next time. And he proceeded to tell me how a good education was essential. That day I got a glimpse of my father's soft side.

My husbands childhood was rather different. His mother was very loving and supportive, his father on the other hand was not emotionally or financially supportive. His mother had to work many long hours just to get by, of course eventually this ended her marriage. His father was never there for him and when he was there he was very abusive both verbally and physically. My husband got the brunt of his father's anger during the divorce because he was the youngest and the only one in the home. I remember being witness to his fathers disciplining measures. My husband had gone out after being grounded and went to play hockey, when he got home his dad was waiting outside the house from him.. He father grabbed him and yelled and then turned around a punched him very hard, I was shocked, he was still on his skates so he went flying to the ground. I had never saw anyone do this to a child before, and hoped I would never see it again.

As you can see our childhoods were very different and we would sometimes differ on our disciplining methods, I believed hitting should never be used and he sometimes thought it was necessary. We had many discussions about this and he realized just how bad his childhood was and doesn't want to make the same mistakes his father did. I think that is why he is so good to our children, because he knows how it feels to be treated in a bad way. I am glad he realized that hitting a child doesn't work, and you can find different and effective methods to discipline your children.

I am strongly against hitting your children, I believe it only hurts them. Most methods we try our time outs when they are young and as they get older they lose privileges, so far it has worked for the most part. hopefully the way we discipline our children, they can learn from it and choose the same methods on their children. Despite my husbands childhood, I am very proud of him and how he is raising our children.

Thanks for reading:)

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