Kids, love, and affection
Mar 22 '00
In a previous review I wrote, I stated not a day goes by when there aren't hugs in this house and then I saw this category and thought of how much further I could go into this.
What is affection?
Affection is made of hugs, hugs, and more hugs when it comes to children. Of course, you can't just run up and hug the child and that's it. There has to be tenderness and a feeling of love in these hugs. A pat on the back for a job well done! A knudge on the head (it's a father thing) when the mission is accomplished.
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When loving your children, there are other aspects in their lives you should so. Everything must come together as a whole when you tell your child you love them. When Khadijah hears I love her, it's normally always followed by a hug or smiles exchanged between us or her new little wink thing she does. I feel as if affection play a very important part of growing up healthy and with self-esteem. There are some bad ways to show affection too, some ways of showing affection may make a child feel uncomfortable and we as adults know those barriers and had better not cross them.
Too many of today's parents grew up in homes where everything was business. I listen to my neighbor. She's 89 years old and it's so rare to hear her talk of affection, but more of what she did raising her chickens or her animals instead of her carekeepers raising her. Did they not love then? Or did they not know how to show it? My mother's family never showed affection to them. They don't even call their parents mom or dad, it's by name. Where they just room mates or what?
My mother doesn't like giving hugs still to this day. I don't get to see her but once, twice, if lucky three times a year and when I leave, I want to give her a hug, but don't because I know she doesn't like them. I tried so many times. Although our past was so rocky, I figure now, at least when we do see each other, we can end our visits with a friendly hug. She gets angry at me because I tell Khadijah so many times I love her or I hug her so often. She tells me I should leave her alone. Why? I once asked her if she could remember the last time she gave me a hug. Or if she remembered any times AT ALL! My family just wasn't an affectionate family.
Growing up those ways basically gave me the mind I have today. I saw what damage all those 18 years did to me and I'm not going to let it happen here. It's not even something I think of when I hug Khadijah or tell her I love her. I do because she is loved. She needs to know she's loved so she can trust me. How can one not trust another if they don't feel it? She doesn't even go into her dance class without giving me a hug and a kiss and I sit right there in front of the mirror watching her. It's just something we do and we are comfortable with. Others just aren't and it's sad. If you aren't hugging your children, patting them on their backs, or ruffling their hair here and there, perhaps you should start trying. I builds a whole new layer of trust and confidence in the child when it comes to you.
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Epinions.com ID:
kzdad
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Location: Indiana
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