Reunion 2000, and beyond... (birthfather & family)
Sep 02 '00
In August of 1998, my then boyfriend (now husband), payed for me to do a search for my birthfather, using <A href= http://www.1800ussearch.com >1-800-US-Search</a>. I had my birthfather's social security number and full name, which were found on my ORIGINAL birth certificate (not to be confused with the amended certificate of an adoptee).
Well, when we got the search results back, 5 different addresses came back, and I had no idea where to start. I was going at this search blindly. So, I waited. A month or so later, I found out I was pregnant with my son, and I was working 35-40hrs a week, plus combatting morning sickness. I knew it wasn't the right time to continue on with my search.
Over the past 2 years, I thought about my birthfather, and wondered if I had any more half-siblings, or if he was already a grandfather, and knew that he would want to know about his first daughter's son. But I wasn't ready and was trying to prepare myself for any and all possible reaction my birthfather might have. We had recently bought a house and a car, so I still wasn't ready. Well, about a month after my son's 1st birthday (April 14, 2000) I decided I was ready to know my birthfather.
So, I got out the results from 2years ago, and did a search over on the Lycos search engine for people with the name of "Richard McIlvenna". Well, none of the addresses that came back matched any of the 5 from the results I got 2years ago. So, I broadened my search my doing a search for people with the last name of "McIlvenna".
What do you know, about the 50th or so person listed, an address matched! So, the next day (due to the advice of my husband and several friends) I went and purchased a P.O. Box from the post office. That night, I sat down and wrote a letter to the man whom I believed to be my birthfather.
I told him my name now, my birthname (only difference was last name...) and the date I was born, and to whom I was born to. I explained to him that I was pretty sure he was my birthfather and that I would very much like to have contact with him, and that he could contact me via snail mail (by using my PO Box) or by emailing me, and I included my email address. I also explained that if he didn't want to have further contact with me, that was ok, but would he please contact me so I could lay things to rest and move on.
This was sent out the Friday before Memorial Day. I was a nervous wreck all weekend, I had paid for the letter to be sent Certified Priority Mail with a return receipt. I knew he would receive the Tuesday after Memorial Day.
Well, that night (May 30, 2000) I was checking my email, chatting with some friends of mine, and playing with my son on the computer. All of a sudden, an email came in from "Richard McIlvenna"..!!!!! I could NOT believe my eyes, and immediately thought NO WAY, someone's playing a joke on me. My husband, being the computer whiz he is, did some things with the email and we found out he was indeed from my birthfather. I wrote him back anxiously, and we exchanged emails, and talked on the computer every day since then.
Talking to my birthfather for the first time on the phone was kind of scary, but much easier than I anticipated. Anyways, we dealt with a lot of emotional things (he had a stroke in Jan of 2000, and has MASSIVE mood swings that are sometimes hard to deal with) and grew anxious about seeing each other for the very first time face to face, which was going to happen July 22, 2000.
I have 2 half-brothers, and 1 more half-sister! talk about my family getting big!! My son is my birthfather's first and ONLY grandchild at this time, as my half-siblings are all younger. My son and I went there, and we had a nice vacation, but it left a little to be desired. This man that I so much wanted to be the "ideal" Dad, was not.. to be quite and totally honest with you, he was lazy, filthy, and hardly spent any time talking to me or playing with my son..and we were there for **9days**!!
Disappointing?? ... yes. Would I ever do it again???... ABSOLUTELY! Would I stay as long?? .. NO! Since our reunion back in July, my father and I are no longer speaking... long story there (maybe another epinion) but I'm on great terms with the rest of his family, and am anxiously awaitng my trip to see my brother in October!
*note* This brother is technically my Uncle, but before I was taken from my birthfather when I was 3years old, I lived with his mother, so my "brother" and I grew up together for 2years. My brother is 5years older than me. The most amazing thing, he never forgot about me, always missed me, and best of all, even named his 2nd daughter after me :) Talk about being a proud aunt! I can't wait to meet him and his family!
Not all reunion stories turn out like mine, some are TERRIBLE, some are absolutely wonderful, I like to think that mine is a happy medium. I walked away with a better sense of myself, and can now tell my son things I could never tell him before.
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Epinions.com ID:
ashtonsmommy
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Member: Jennifer
Location: Virginia
Reviews written: 28
Trusted by: 0 members
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