Mom, I Have Something to Tell You!
Oct 06 '00
I used to think that raising a teenager would be easy. I thought that the teenage years would breeze by without incident. I thought wrong! I have to think that changing diapers and getting up for the 2 AM feedings is much easier than a pubescent teenager.
Your child instantly becomes a teenager at the age of thirteen whether they want to or not; they do not have a choice. Some children, especially girls, become teenagers before their time. My daughter started changing at age eleven. She started with the acne, the changes in her hormones, the desire to wear make up and the desire to look at BOYS!
My daughter is 15 now, she started her first year of high school last year. Her freshman year was especially hard on the whole family. There were too many changes and too many new friends. She didn't know how to deal with all these changes and started distancing herself from the family. Her friends were more important!
With these new friends came new challenges. Some of her friends had more responsibility, they could stay out late and really had no one to answer to. She wanted their rules to become her rules. We were not going to tolerate that. She distanced herself from us even more.
I sat down with my husband and we tried to find a solution to help bring our daughter back to us. To make her like us again. We decided that we needed to get her away from some of her friends. So we planned a trip to visit my brother in Massachusetts. I took my two girls and we spent 6 weeks in Massachusetts: No phone calls to friends, no outside influences and I began re-building my relationship with her.
What I learned this summer was to listen to my daughter. She has a parent, but she needed a friend in me too. Within a couple of weeks she opened up and became more pleasant to be around. She needed to get away from some of her friends and she began to realize this also. She told me she realized what some of her friends were about and how some of them were not the type of friends she needed. We were able to talk and work out a lot of problems.
My daughter understood that I am here for her and not against her. When we returned home, she decided on her own to break off contact with one of her friends. She did this without any negative comments from us.
I found that she responds better to me if I just listen and do not give my parental point of view. She told me once that a friend of hers had tried smoking marijuana. I did not get mad and knock the friend, I just listened. I let the conversation continue and she told me she was disappointed in the friend also. I agreed with her, but did not go into a big lecture about it.
She started her sophomore year two months ago. We still have some problems with her, but they are no where near where they were at the end of the school year. She knows that she can come to me with her problems and I will listen. She still remains distant to my husband, but we are working on that.
Just a couple of hints when it comes to listening to your teenager:
1. Be prepared for what you might hear.
2. Do not jump on the parental band wagon and start lecturing them. (this is what my husband needs to work on)
3. Realize that they are looking for a friend who will listen to them. Once they have that friend their confidence will grow in what they can say.
4. Remain a parent. Do not get too friendly to where you lose your objectivity. There are still rules that need to be followed.
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BryRrose
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