ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN!!
May 25 '00
My sister, Helen has just received her final divorce papers. Still something I cannot believe.
Helen was married for 20 years to a wonderful man and has four beautiful children. He was a military man and lived for his family. She never went without and she was a wonderful mother and wife. About two years ago, they were not getting along too well and she complained of feeling trapped. He being a homebody wanted to stay home, she staying at home with the kids wanted to socialize more. This and this only was their downfall. If there had been more communication earlier on, this divorce could have been avoided.
Neither of them wanted to compromise and time led to bad feelings, then arguments, then periods of silence and eventually Helen realized she was not in love with her husband anymore. She found some friends, started going out without him and now she is kind of going through mid-life crisis. She has always had a young slim figure. You can only tell her age (46) when you see her face. She had her belly-button pierced, had a tattoo on her HMM HMM. Started wearing hip clothes and makeup. He, on the other hand, started finding solace on the internet with any woman who would listen. I want to stress here that the children were not aware of what was happening. They are both protective of their kids. So, after retiring from the forces, buying a grand five-bedroomed house and finally settling in one place, it is over.
I can't believe it. They always seemed like the model family. Now, I can't talk to my sister. I have told her that she needs to seek help. This is not how a 46 year-old woman acts. She has a new boyfriend now who seems very nice, owns a winery and dotes on her but she doesn't love him. My ex brother-in-law is dating people off the internet and calling my mother, upsetting her with blown up versions of some family events turned bad.
As some of you know, I was looking forward to a reunion with my two sisters in Florida a few weeks ago. Laura, my eldest sister was the first one to arrive. Helen arrived two days later and I was to arrive the next day. I got there to find only Laura waiting at the airport. Apparently, Helen had had to rush home because her husband had called child-welfare and told them she had abandoned the kids when she had left in the care of a very dear friend. So now, they are off to court again to battle this one out.
I have never known anyone whose divorce has been friendly, me included. How do they do it? There always seems to be this revenge period where both are doing hurtful things to each other and after 20 years of marraige. It is a crying shame.
I plan to speak to both my sister and my ex brother-in-law separately and urge them to seek some kind of counseling, if not for themselves, for the sake of their gorgeous children who love them both dearly. I hope I can talk some sense to them so this cloud hovering over our family will disburse.
Emotions are a hard thing to control during a time like this. I have had the same experience but now I am on the outside looking in, I feel helpless.
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Member: JULIE
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