Dehydrated, Hobbled And Taken For $5, But It Was Fun
Written: Dec 10 '00
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Odds seemed good, mostly friendly staff, good way to kill a few hours...
Cons: Cocktail waitress was spawn of Satan, confusing to navigate....
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| muttgirl's Full Review: Mohegan Sun |
I am not a casino person. Casinos represent two things I generally try and avoid: large groups of people and negative cash flow. I am, however, a dutiful daughter. Thus in the process of visiting my mother I found myself standing in the big, tacky lobby of the Mohegan Sun at ten AM on a Sunday morning.
Yup, it's tacky. I don't think anyone really expects casinos to be tactful, so I'm probably stating the obvious here. But the Mohegan Sun is appalling - it's kind of a cross between Disney's Pocahantas and Gulliver's Travels. Everything is faux Native American and very, very large. Cement pines stretch to the ceiling, which you're supposed to believe is held up by gigantic beams which seemed to be made of paper mache. It was all very clean, don't get me wrong, but Mr. Designer went a little theme-nutty in decorating the place. Fake rocks and waterfalls litter the gambling floor, and the bar in the middle is made to look like a gigantic ahh, twig structure? Bonfire? What the heck is that thing supposed to be?
Though Mohegan Sun isn't the largest casino in Connecticut, it is massive. On top of the massive gaming floor, there's also a bevy of restaraunts, at least one theater, the gigantic twig Wolf Den bar in the middle, and a ton of offices, coat checks, etc. The place is loud, too. Imagine a million slot machines screaming for attention - it all blends into one big, loud tuneless hum. I found it a little irritating, but no one else seemed to notice. I'm also a hopeless curmudgeon, too, and bound to gripe about everything so it probably wasn't so bad. But it was a bit intimidating, and so we asked for some directions, which was when things got a little bit surreal.
The Mohegan Sun is well staffed. There are plenty of security guys standing at the perimeter of the gaming floor, so we went to one for navigation assistance. A tiny little man, our security guard resembled a smaller, older Robert Deniro, and had an accent straight out of Bensonhurst. Which was why I almost lost it when he answered our simple "how do we find our way around this place?" query in the following manner:
"Look at da cah-pet. We ah standin' in Wint-ah. All seasons revolve around the sun [he indicated a sun painted over the twig thing in the middle of the floor]. It's all paht of the circle.If you follow the pinecones [the carpet design], they will turn to flowers, evidence of spring, which will turn to sunflow-ahs, the signs of summ-ah. Summ-ah will turn to autumn, then back to Wint-ah. If you get lost, look to the sun. And the video pok-ah machines are behind the rock with the baying wolf."
All righty then.
The place is actually not a circle - it's more like a pentagram, with the twig thing in the middle and a ring of points coming off of it. The carpet stuff does make it fairly easy to navigate, but it's still confusing. And looking at the sun does nothing but give you a view of a bunch of senior citizens hard at work getting hammered. But I found my way around.
My mother went off to go raise some hades, and I headed off to go waste $5 at video poker. The machines were fine, but there didn't seem to be enough of them. The change and game machines don't take anything smaller than a ten, so I had to track down a change person. It wasn't too hard, but they could have used a few more of them. They also could have used a few more machines. They were pretty packed, and this was at 10 AM on a Sunday. Despite my best efforts, I kept winning my money back, so I headed off to the slots, determined to lose. I figured the security guy's little speech alone was worth $5. It was my duty to drop some cash.
The quarter slots were plenty, but were still packed. I settled in at a machine, and was promptly flanked by the nicest little old lady in the world. She told me all sorts of Eleanor Roosevelt stories while I proceeded to rack up quarter after quarter. Getting thirsty, I flagged down a beverage woman. While all the other employees had been nice, this chick looked like she wanted to bean me with her tray. I ordered the soda, which later became the prodigal soda, as I sat at the machine for over an hour and a half, watched her go by a dozen times and never got my soda. The people on either side of me got their mixed drinks, but my soda never showed up. The Mohegan Sun is rather hot and smokey, and I was beginning to fear I'd dehydrate under the big painted sun. Every time I politely attempted to re-order the soda, I was either ignored or glared at.
I can't get too upset at the waitresses, though, because there didn't seem to be enough of them for the crowd. And they were wearing ridiculously short uniforms. Had they had to bend over, it would have been obscene. Not cool, Mohegan Sun. Get those girls dressed. This ain't Vegas - most of the crowd here was elderly, and I doubt a free show would have had the desired effect.
All the slot machines had chairs, but they were spaced a little too close to the machines for us taller folk. My leg was kind of sticking out, which was why a very large lady on my other side accidentally nailed my foot with her high heel. Proof of how loud the floor is: even she didn't notice my yelp of agony.
I eventually realized my goal of losing my fiver, but it took a few hours. After wrestling my mother away from a machine, we walked (she walked, I limped) over to the food court. The food was remarkably decent, and we had been given coupons for free food. We had sandwiches, but there seemed to be a decent selection of restaraunts. They all had terribly silly names, of course, but the prices were reasonable and the portions hefty. Mi madre hit the bakery, which was quite good. Having satisfied my mom's yearly gambling urge, we headed to the car.
You've read the babble, now for the lowdown:
The Good:
Not too bad to navigate, range of machines, mostly friendly and amicable staff. Plentiful bathrooms and amenities, and I saw a host of ads for various shows. Not my kinda shows, but if you're a Little Richard fan, it's your bag. Food for every price range, and highly amusing decor and directions. Machines seem to have good odds, as evidenced by the way I drug out my fiver.
The Bad:
If you go during a busy time, you might have trouble finding a vacant machine to toss your money in. Parking was far away on a Sunday morning, though I understand there's a shuttle bus, I didn't see it. Plan on a fair bit of walking - the place is BIG. If you lack a sense of irony, the decor is appalling. Stupid system with machines only taking certain bills. If you hate cigarette smoke, plan on being miserable.
The Ugly:
Beware of heavy women with heels. Pack in your own beverages.
In short, it was an experience. I can't speak from a gambler's point of view, but for a scruffy misanthrope, it wasn't a bad way to spend $5 and a few hours. Would I do it again? Yup. Was it worth losing the use of my little toe? Not quite. Okay, maybe the weird directions speech was.....
***We didn't stay overnight, so ignore my room rate info and everything. I have no idea***
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
muttgirl
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Location: A Damp & Cold Corner Of The World.
Reviews written: 49
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