Fun and Prizes With Reviews!
Written: Dec 11 '00 (Updated Jun 02 '01)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Win Epinions Prizes Playing My Game.. YAY!
Cons: My fictional story isn't true.
The Bottom Line: Stay away from Pop, stay closer to talent
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| ad-dollars's Full Review: Rock and Pop |
If you are here to not completely read the following Epinion, but have journeyed to this review to rate it on its length in hopes of increasing your Epinion.com reputation, then please do not waste my time, go to the bottom and click Highly Recommended because I am extremely wordy and this is a long review made for members who would like to have fun reviewing and not for you lame ducks.
Now, for the rest of you!
I have become very bored of the usual style of reviewing, including my own, so I have created a game for you all to play, hence the title: Fun and Prizes With Reviews. Hopefully if you all enjoy this whack zaniness I have put together and there is need for more of my reviewing inanity, my creative juices could perhaps flow again in the future, but don't count on it. This review is the only one of its kind, so tell your friends to come play, there might not be another. It is an exercise of free speech, fun, and creativity.
Directions:
1. Read the following review on Rock and Pop.
2. Fill out the many ________#_________ that are found in the review in an E-mail sent to me at opeum@ix.netcom.com (if you want the magical Fun and Prizes With Reviews prize)
3. Keep in mind the writing style of the review because the last blank you need to answer is the name of the very talented and original reviewer who I borrowed the following reviewing style from.
Note: The answers to all my blanks, if you struggle with them, can be found somewhere in my profile, my reviews, or my Love It / Hate It List so if you really want to be the winner, this nutty game is not impossible. The first three people to send me all the correct answers will win prizes.
1st prize = link in my profile, read and rate of all your reviews
2nd prize = link in my profile, read and rate of just your music reviews
3rd prize = link in my profile
Yes I know they are lame, but those are the only prizes I can give through Epinions!
Let the games begin!
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The Official Biography and Current Events of Operation REWPU:
How Bad Rock and Pop Finally Came to an End
It is the year 2004, three years after the huge millennium bash and music had been changing rapidly the last few years, for the worse! The genres of bad pop and mainstream Rock were slowly taking over the world's radio stations and were driving many to a state of insanity. Something had to be done! Between June of 2002 and June of 2003, many musicians and their affiliates, fans and families, started to disappear, and until now, for an unknown reason. I, Opeum, am here to reveal the answers to the world's greatest mystery, and tell How Bad Rock and Pop Finally Came to an End.
One day in 2002, on the release date for the Backstreet Boys 6th multi-platinum album, an organization called the Rock and Electronica Will Prevail Union formed to solve the growing problem in the music industry. Tom Araya (lead man and bassist for ___1___), Sully Erna (lead man for ___2___), Paul Oakenfold, and Liam Howlett (mastermind for ___3___) easily became the chairmen of the group. Other honorable founding members included James Hetfield of Metallica, Talena Atfield (bassist for ___4___), and Moby.
The REWPU quickly came to the decision that someone needed to rid the Earth of all that ruined music, and they also decided they were the only one willing to do so. So, the REWPU designed a plan, a devious one, but one that worked, and one we can be grateful for here in 2004, now that talented music of rock, metal, and various forms of electronica prevail on all the charts, and flow through almost all radio stations. The one exception, however, is the lamenting "my dog died last night" genre of country music. The REWPU came to the conclusion that if they rid the United States of artists like Garth Brooks and Clint Black, then Tennesse and Kentucky would separate from the Union again, and another Civil War would ensue. Thankfully, most people still in 2004 continue to hate country music and there are only a small number of country stations to keep those crazies happy.
This was their solution: Thousands of metal heads and ravers were recruited worldwide, joined in unison to kidnap every horrible gnarled pop and mainstream rock star, their relatives, friends, and their fans. The entire process took a year, but in June of 2003, all 200 million who were found and captured were sent to a multi billion-dollar manmade colony located on the planet of Tralfamadore (fictional planet in my favorite book, ____5____) that was paid for with REWPU record sales. After the fall of the infamous Napster in 2001, such a project was very affordable for the organization. When NASA, with the help of the famous philosopher and physicist, Stephen Hawking, discovered how to travel at the speed of light in January 2002, sending the victims of Operation REWPU to Tralfamadore became very possible.
On this far away colony, some of the world's most popular musicians and their fans and families live every day, with their minds controlled by a radio signal implanted in their brains that plays music all day long. REWPUs plan was that the inhabitants would be annoyed by the music, in revenge for annoying so many people for many years before their operation began to completely annihilate any remnants of bad pop and mainstream rock.
Also, to further punish the millions of inhabitants, REWPU took away their means of communication by surgically removing their voice boxes. To counter-act, the pop and rock stars created a new language that revolves around farting and tap dancing (____6____, my favorite author, came up with this in one of his books).
Of course, choosing the soundtrack of Tralfamadore, the CD that inhabitants would have to listen to over and over again, was a difficult decision for REWPU. After deliberating for hours, they decided to use the debut CD of Daryl Palumbo?s band (____7_____). But, after reconsidering, REWPU thought that playing that CD overstepped the purpose of the radio signals to annoy them. They finally agreed that it would be affective in revenge on the citizens of the new colony because it was one of the worst CDs to be released into the metal genre in the year 2000, but that it claims a spot for the band on the colony, however. So after shipping Palumbo and his bandmates to the colony, the final decision was to play Disturbed's "The Sickness" in the ears of the colony's citzens all day long. The awesome, violent metal on "The Sickness", was far from the inhabitants' musical tastes, so it would definitely be effective in REWPUs goals.
However, they had no clue at the time what effect this would have on the colony's society. The national sport on the stupified colony is called "Dropping Plates." Every day, an idea borrowed from Disturbed's music, millions gather at arenas to drop plates on one anothers @sses. Several have died while playing this sport, including the famous Ricky Martin and Mandy Moore. That one rockrap star who always wore the red hat (name is ____8___) forgot to wear his lucky hat and a plate shattered over his head, permanently damaging his brain. He is now stupified more than the rest and will never perform acts of nookie again.
Today on Tralfamadore, a violent civil war is breaking out. Inspired by the awesome track "Enemy", fans of either the Backstreet Boys and Nsync have taken arms, and are killing each other in large sums. Hopefully, this war will rid the whole universe of bad pop and rock. REWPU had no clue how far this would go, but believe me, they are happy about these turn of events, as am I.
To finish off this groundbreaking story, I will tell you of some other news updates that have occurred on the REWPU colony.
- Eminem did eventually get venereal disease from Christina Aguilera and he is slowly passing away from a horrible infection in that one body part he loved to grab when he performed here on Earth.
- Since there are no plastic surgeons on the colony, Brittany Spears died of silicon poisoning when she needed emergency surgery on her left boob. It ruptured and the silicon instantly went into her blood stream.
- Nick from 98 degrees now has a colostomy bag from farting too much while making love with Jessica Simpson.
- Wes Borland from ____9____, who was no longer able to dress up as stupid little monkey boy, looked in the mirror one day at what he really looked like and killed himself.
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Anyway, I think its obvious by my fictional story what my opinion on rock and pop is.
Thanks for reading and playing,
opeum@ix.netcom.com
http://www.epinions.com/user-ad-dollars
Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
ad-dollars
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Member: Metal Swami Steve
Location: Pop Suburbia, Illinois, US of A
Reviews written: 63
Trusted by: 42 members
About Me:
Co-founder of the Swami Circle of Cynics. I crush your faith like an overdue miracle.
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