Why I hate what I hate
Written: Dec 01 '00 (Updated Jul 01 '03)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: I think the music listed below sucks, so I had great fun bashing it!
Cons: I'm probably gonna get flamed by somebody who liked one or more of these albums.
The Bottom Line: Read this if you hate music that is trite, preachy, or just downright offensive.
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| divad23's Full Review: Rock and Pop |
Update: Gosh, this was an immature article. But I'll leave it up for archive purposes because it appears to get hit a lot.
Do you ever see that a person has given an album a one-star rating and wonder why? This editorial should alleviate your curiosity about the music that I have violently rejected. My normal policy for reviewing CD's is to become intimately familiar enough with each song to give a detailed account of them all - but obviously, I'm not going to listen to an album that I can't stand that many times! So here's a brief rundown of a few CD's that make me want to hurl (in no particular order)...
The Slim Shady EP, Eminem
I don't hate rap as much now as I used to. My grievance with Eminem is not his musical style - it's his lyrical approach, which is about as blunt as hitting someone on the head with a concrete brick. He's essentially an immature little punk who finds it necessary to climb on top of the celebrity dogpile by making fun of everybody he can think of, usually in the most vulgar way possible. He also has some songs that are terribly misogynistic - no matter how brilliant some of the rhymes may be, I can't bring myself to respect him.
The Fundamental Elements of Southtown, P.O.D.
Out of all the Christian bands out there, why does this one have to be the one that hits it big in the mainstream? There are some hardcore rock bands out there that I like - P.O.D. is not one of them. Their lyrical style is way too preachy and apocalyptic to be taken seriously as an art form. Having said that, they do have some enjoyable songs, such as "Rock the Party" and "Set Your Eyes to Zion", that are more groove and less grind, and have a little more lyrical tact. But I could never listen to this album all the way through. I probably wouldn't hate it so adamantly if it weren't so popular.
Power, Raze
Ugh - this is the most inane dance/pop music I've ever heard. It's obviously aimed at junior high kids or younger, and yet the Christian music world takes them seriously as one of their top bands. Give me a break. I must say, they have good choreography (I was unfortunate enough to see them live opening for Delirious?), but choreography doesn't make a whole heck of a lot of difference when you're listening to a CD.
Jagged Little Pill, Alanis Morissette
Musically, this CD is excellent. It's got a blend of edgy pop, rock, and folk that should be right up my alley. What kills me is her bitterness - she's taken some great vocal and lyrical talent and thrown it away on a set of mostly jaded songs about how men have screwed her over. "Head Over Feet", however, is a somewhat refreshing and halfway reverent love song.
Come On Over, Shania Twain
I've had to listen to this CD in my girlfriend's car a few more times that I would have liked. "You're Still the One" is a gorgeous love song, and the country twang of many of her songs doesn't bother me. What irritates me is that she's sold out and watered down her country sound to please the masses, allowing them to remix a fun line-dance-style romp like "That Don't Impress Me Much" into a completely out of character techno song - how boring! Also, so many of the songs are devoted to two conflicting messages - I desperately need a man to live, and women don't need no men to have fun. Make up your mind, Shania, and stop being such a sellout.
Life, Love & Other Mysteries, Point of Grace
I used to like Point of Grace. For a while, they were putting out some upbeat Christian pop that was the closest thing the market had to vocal groups like Wilson Phillips. Then I realized that the group was basically a bunch of figureheads for a group of some of the most cliche Christian songwriters around - and the songs got progressively more boring and downright embarassing as time went on. Add to that some a truly shrill combination of voices and an awful cover of Earth, Wind & Fire's "Sing a Song", and you've got a great disc to use as a coaster for your beverages.
The Promise, Plus One
Gee! 'N Sync and the Backstreet Boys are huge in secular music! Let's take their cheesy musical style, assemble a group of cute young guys who have great voices but no self-respect or artistic talent, and give the youth groups a "healthy alternative" that will send all the girls swooning! Give me a break. Christian music needed this like it needed a hole in the head.
Butterfly Kisses (Shades of Grace), Bob Carlisle
Another case of a terrible Christian song making inexplicable waves in the mainstream market. Bob Carlisle used to put out some gritty, soulful music - now he's turned completely sappy. His lyrics needed some work before as it was; now he's coupled it with a pop style that tries to be bluesy at times and sentimental at others, and fails on all counts. If you want a good, tear-jerking song about fatherhood with some musical muscle behind it, look no further than Creed's "With Arms Wide Open".
Fly, Dixie Chicks
A friend picked the wrong song to introduce me to the Chicks with -"Goodbye Earl", a replusively upbeat tune about a group of women that conspires to kill off an abusive ex-husband. Abuse is wrong, I agree, but so is murder, and they can't write it off as a joke when that's how a lot of people truly react. I gave this album another chance - I listened to it on Napster, and found some other songs like "Sin Wagon" to be equally morally bankrupt. And the lead singer's voice is just annoying. Such a shame - their music is pretty decent kickin' country and they play their own instruments - at least they haven't sold out on that aspect like Shania has (yet).
Backstreet Boys, Backstreet Boys
Curse this CD for helping to start the boy-band trend. The musical style I can take or leave - every now and then it yields a catchy song, but more often than not, the lyrics are downright embarassing. "As Long as You Love Me" is a perfect example - I don't care who you are, or really about much of anything regarding your personality, as long as you love me. In other words, you could just as easily be any other girl; I'm in it for the sex. Follow that up with "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)", which is basically a brag-fest about how hot, sexy, and original the boys (or their songwriters) think they are. Blah.
My Kind of Christmas, Christina Aguilera
I heard the majority of this CD while browsing at a local music store. I never liked her style to begin with, Christina Aguilera is essentially a sister to the whole boy-band trend, and to make matters worse, she thinks that having a great voice means she should show it off as much as possible on every song she sings. So what happens when she tranforms a bunch of Christmas songs (many of which I never liked in the first place) into her overly dramatic pop style? Simple. They all become impossible to sing along with, and we are reminded of what most of the world considers to be the true meaning of Chri$tma$.
Genuine, Stacie Orrico
I wanted to like her. I really did. When I heard her first single, "Don't Look at Me", I appreciated the message of not putting celebrities on a pedestal, but the music was downright awful, and I braced myself for another Britney Spears clone. But I gave her a fair shot, since ForeFront (her record label) puts out some of the most enjoyable Christian music around (if not always the depest). And this album has its share of sizzling R&B rhythms, sort of halfway between Britney and Lauryn Hill... but the beats are about all it has going for it. Stacie's only 14 years old... I admire that young people can make such an impact, but you've got all of these producers and songwriters speaking for her, and wrapping up a good voice in a terrible combination of synthesized music and cliche lyrics. I can handle the title track "Genuine"; it has a sweet melody and an excellent rhythm track, and it tries a little harder to take a deeper approach as it considers a friend who is actinf fake in order to cover up the pain and depserate need she is feeling. Other than that, this album is painful to listen to. Stacie should have been allowed to develop her own talents and musical style, even if it took longer to get her album out. (And incidentally, the album cover is not her best photo.)
I Want to Be Like You, FFH
These three guys and a girl wrote the rule book for "how to play it safe in Christian music". Once an intriguing, independent acapella group, they signed with Essential records (normally a forward thinking Christian rock label) and put out a formulaic, boring album of acoustic pop that makes Point of Grace seem fascinating and original by comparison. Other than "One of These Days", which had a little bit of a folk/rock edge, a really catching chorus, and some clever lyrics, the vast majority of their songs are incredibly lacking. They even had the nerve to follow this album up with another album of more of the same, and their presence on the City on a Hill worship album was rather unwelcome. Sorry, guys, but the place you found is already occupied by Avalon and Caedmon's Call.
Check back for more from time to time. I plan on updating this list soon, to bring you more quality tripe from the bottom of the barrel.
Great Music to Play While: Banging your head against a wall repeatedly
Recommended:
No
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divad23
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Member: David Martin
Location: Pasadena, CA
Reviews written: 570
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About Me:
Just add an implicit "in my humble opinion" to every sentence I write.
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