For All in Tents and Porpoises
Jul 17 '00
If you've ever woken up at 2 a.m. in the dark with a small foot in your mouth, this is for you. If you've ever slept with a toddler and ended up floating in a the world's largest wet spot due to a nighttime visit from the drool fairy, read on. If you think camping with the family in one tent is a good idea, think again.
I took Sam for his first camping trip last week, an overnighter to Big Sur in central California. It was a father-son thing, mainly because it would give us a chance to "bond", but also because there was no way we were going to fit three of us into my old REI dome tent with the rain fly that leaks because the seam sealer they gave me had inadequate instructions (they were written for someone who knew what the heck they were doing).
In the middle of the night, I started composing this review, as my sweet son magically transformed himself into a flopping, shifting dolphin, trying to get comfortable, either that or he was looking for some salt water. At one point, I think he managed to stuff his hand in my mouth and nose at the same time. I never found roominess to be a problem with my wife. What was going on now?
Then it hit me -- they don't make tents for toddlers. They make them for normal people.
Toddlers basically come in two different kinds -- those who like to sleep very tightly wound up in enclosed spaces like cribs and small beds, and those who like to roll around, unfettered and free, seeking unconsciously to make contact with other people's mouths. Sam is the latter.
My recommendation for the ideal configuration for a tent is the following:
Inside the dome tent: Kid(s)
Inside the Marriott: Parents
If you decide, like the Brady Bunch, you want to rough it, I would recommend the following:
- Buy the biggest tent you can afford/carry. Something made by Ringling Brothers would be good. No matter how "cute" you think it'll be to pile everyone in, you will not have enough room.
- Shock cords are great for quickly assembling tents. Before you purchase a tent, practice putting it up/taking it down. Imagine taking it down in the middle of a sudden rainstorm, before you've had your coffee.
- Take the family with you to the tent showroom. Climb in. Scurry out. Lay down together. Try to picture where you're going to stow your flashlight and the keys to the car. Imagine having to unzip the main zipper at 3 a.m. with frozen fingers while a toddler is screaming to go to the bathroom.
- Make sure the rainfly works. Even if you are planning a trip to Death Valley in July, if there is a molecule of moisture in the air, it will find it's way to your tent, and condense on the ceiling, right above the point where your sleeping mouth is gently opening and closing.
Other, post-purchase advice
- If you want to let your child bang in the tent stakes, make sure they are supervised. Yes, it seems obvious to an intelligent person, but sometimes I'm just a moron. Be alert.
- Don't cook inside your tent. I thought this was so obvious that it would seem an insult to anyone's intelligence even to mention it. But after witnessing the Joad family in the campground next to us, and their brush with asphyxiation, it's worth a note. Cooking produces carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide, both things you don't want to breathe. Keep your stove (and gas-powered lantern) outside in the fresh air.
- Don't store food in your tent. Animals can sometimes be weirdly aggressive, especially if they're hungry.
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Epinions.com ID:
sgersh
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Location: Bay Area, California
Reviews written: 120
Trusted by: 66 members
About Me:
Up until now, I did stuff, some of which I talk about on here.
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