Lawn Darts, Lethal Weapons or Good old fashioned fun?
Written: Jun 23 '00 (Updated Jun 23 '00)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: No Sharp Points, but with a grinding wheel, I can fix that!
Cons: BANNED! YOU CAN'T GET 'EM! well, unless you meet someone as cool as Tammy.
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| mattjoe's Full Review: otdr/Other |
At last, One of the moments I have been waiting for arrived.
REGENT "Slider" JARTS arrived at my doorstep.
To those of you with awesome memories, the Lawn Darts were featured as one of the Five Gifts I'd Like Epinion written way back on April 10th, now if I can only get those other four, or even just the last one I will have attained Nirvana faster than any known being.
But Lawn Darts are certainly a step in the right direction.
How Many Times Can You Use The Term "THE SHAFT" Without Laughing?
That's right, if you have a dirty little mind like mine you will find the directions extremely amusing.
We shall be taking excerpts from these vintage directions and publish them for your information, oh, and your amusement.
SLIDER JARTS
The "Slider" Jarts are so called "Slider" because the rear stabilizer fins are not fixed, they are loose, they are able to slide up and down on the shaft. When the Jart is in the so called "at rest" position, the fins remain down, with the shaft buried inside.
SLIDER IS BETTER
Or something like that. The "slider" configuration represents a breakthrough in the aerodynamics of Jarts. It is the first meaningful improvement in design since Jarts were invented and patented in 1961.
Ready for Action?
Grab the shaft from behind, above the fins, it protrudes out the rear of the fins. Take your backswing, go forward and throw your Slider Jart UNDERHAND. Put an arc on it, thats how you'll get them to stick in the ground better.
Jarts may only be thrown underhand, but you may use any comfortable stance. That is what the tournament rules say. So don't you be cheating!
So how do we throw our Jart?
Grasp Jart by the back of the shaft firmly, when ready to toss, relax your grip, and release your Jart smoothly. Simple isn't it?
INCOMING
Down comes the Jart, and the fins ram themselves downward on the long shaft. Your Jart has now returned to the "at rest" position and is ready to be thrown again. It has also come crashing down out of the sky and stuck into the ground, or perhaps the head of some small mammal.
CLEAR!
Jarts are about two pounds, that is about half a kilo to you on the metric system. (You Drug dealers and the rest of the world)
Jarts also have a heavy metal front. Picture a normal dart on steroids, with a blunt tip. When thrown, the Jart is dangerous. A hard thrown Jart could easily generate enough force to break through the skull of a person or pet. These things should be banned! Well, if not banned, they should at least be regulated more, with either a waiting period before playing Jarts, or at the very least a Shaft Lock. I am surprised that Rosie has not advocated their banning yet.
Sure is Windy Today
What? Wind? This calls for special rules!
Wind has an effect on Jarts. It is a Substantial effect. Jarts Must ONLY be thrown INTO THE WIND, this means that games must be played in one direction only!
Wait a second....
We only throw our Jarts in one direction when windy? So all other times we face each other and throw them towards each other? I can't imagine how anyone ever got killed this way!
So What Is The Point?
Jarts, or the more generic term, Lawn Darts, have a purpose. They are part of a game. The object of the game is to throw your Lawn Dart over a recommended distance of 25 to 35 feet and land it in, or as close to, the target. The Target is a white circle about one and a half feet in diameter.
You keep playing with that Shaft, and you might just Score
To excell in the game, you must develop your skill and accuracy.
How does one rack up points?
Well, there are a few ways, the scoring is complex. The details, inconsequential. But suffice to say, it is scored as follows:
2 points for every Jart you land in the scoring ring, plus one point for each Jart more than your opponent lands in his or her ring. Points are added per string, like in bowling.
For example: You get 2 Jarts in a ring, and opponent gets none, you get 6 points. If you get two Jarts in the ring and he gets one, then you only get 5 points. Pretty complicated ins't it?
More Points! If both you and your opponent have Jarts outside the ring, the Jart closest to a ring gets one point. BOTH sides must have at least one Jart outside the ring.
Recreational Jarts First to 21 points or more.
Tournament Jarts Exactly 21 points to win. Players must get exactly 21 points, should the score of the last frame put a player over 21, his score remains as it were prior to the start of the frame.
Simplified Jarts First player to 50 or more points. (possibly also called, survivor)
Miscellaneous A Jart must be standing to score, standing is defined as wings not touching the ground.
The Lawyers Were Here
OH, and it looks like a good bunch of them were all over Regent "Slider" Jarts.
Disclaimers abound in the instructions, and safety rules are everywhere.
Warning: Not a toy for use by children. May cause serious or fatal injury. Read instructions carefully. Keep out of reach of children.
OBSERVE RULES OF SAFETY FIRST
Regent makes it very clear that Lawn Darts are to be used by Adults only. It states clearly on the packaging, and in the instructions, that this is: A SPORT FOR ADULTS.
Always observe rules of safety! All participants must stand behind the players tossing Jarts. The area in front and to the sides of the players must be clear of any children, adults, or pets. In the event any adult permits a child or miner* to participate in this sport, it is necessary to obtain parents' or legal guardian's consent. Even then, careful adult supervision by the parents or legal guardian is required (yes they really used that spelling of miner. So apparently those who work underground looking for diamonds and other precious metals may NOT play Jarts without permission)
IMPORTANT
What this all means to you is: if you have little Elian Gonzalez over for a backyard barbeque/pool party/cookout, you may not allow him to play lawn darts. The Miami relatives of Elian, including Lazaro Gonzalez, may not give you legal permission to play Lawn Darts with Elian. Nor may Donato Dalrymple, fisherman rescuer, who came out of the closet with Elian at gun point, tell you Elian may play Simplified Jarts. Nor may you accept the permission of Marisleysis González, who, although possibly attractive to have holding your Shaft, of your Jart, or as a participant in a wet T-Shirt contest, and also a social studies teacher's aide at her former high school, is also incapable of giving legal permission for you to play either Tournament, Simplified, or Recreational, Jarts. As she is merely a cousin.
The only person who you may be able to gain consent from for Elian to play any and all style Jarts with you, is Juan Miguel Gonzalez; Elian's dad.
If Juan Miguel Gonzalez gives permission for you to play Jarts with Elian, remember, Juan Miguel Gonzalez must remain present and carefully supervise Elian. To do anything else is not observing the safety rules.
And you never know, if you are playing Tournament Jarts and Juan Miguel Gonzalez is not the one who gave permission for Elian to play with you, or has not remained present and supervising, someone with an MP-5 might just come to your backyard party, and take your Lawn Jarts away.
And you just don't want that.
Recommended:
Yes
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mattjoe
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Member: Austin Danger Powers
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Unable to be trusted how to spread my wealth around on my own.
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