How to get into kayaking
Dec 01 '99
Kayaking…what is it, really? Brochures feature some wing-nut on his side churning in a violent river wave, neck muscles bulging as he cranes for a mouthful of air. Then turn the page and see June Cleaver set peacefully on smooth water, camera out, snapping a picture of a baby seal.
Confusing, yes. But here's the bottom line…Kayaking is as hairy or as serene as you choose to make it. Get pounded 'til you beg for mommy or go bird watching; it doesn't matter. But just go, because floating on water is one of the most awesome experiences in nature.
1. SPARE THE PEP TALK, HANGING UPSIDE DOWN UNDER A BOAT SEEMS RIDICULOUS.
Anything is scary the first time out. But please believe one bad sneeze does not spin you upside down to dangle like a fern, water shooting up your nose, lungs about to burst, until someone drags you through the mud spitting and coughing to dry ground.
Start slow, practice some basics, and the learning curve is a rocket ship to the moon. People have been known to circumnavigate whole islands right off the couch or become a world-class river rat in under two years. Women in particular have a knack for 'yaking. This sport isn't based on strength, but rather finesse initiated from the hips and a low center of balance. Men, with those big puffed-out chests, tend to be rigid and unstable, while women and their child bearing hips glide loose, graceful and quick. You won't feel like a fern baby, you'll feel like a cat.
2. GET HELP.
To learn the basics, under NO circumstances should you allow a friend to teach you.
My "friend" encouraged me to try a river trip that was way over my head. Two days later I sat alone, shaking and crying on the side of the road trying to hitch hike back to the car. Me! I'm a professional extreme-sport athlete for cripes sake! My ego still hasn't recovered.
Too many have been scared away by overwhelming first-time experiences. Go to a reputable school and take a pool class instead. You'll learn a bomb-proof Eskimo roll, solid bracing technique and how to read water. It's the only way.
3. KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO.
To avoid being swept out to sea it's, ahh, prudent to learn about tides. Or the when and how's of pulling over in a fast moving river.
Even to piddle around a backyard pond, it's wise to approach water with safety and good judgment in mind. Ask questions and get beta from the locals; maybe a storm is coming, or those weird neighbors could be raising Piranhas.
Plan to learn about "eddy's", which isn't some cool guy living next door, it's a stop-zone on the river's edge where the current flows back upstream. A "strainer" isn't for vermicelli; but rather a definition for tree-limb clusters, logs, undercut rocks or anything that traps. Squeeze everything you can from your instructor, read books, or at least hang out with some form of competent lagoon creature.
4. START MELLOW.
Try lake or sea kayaking first. It's similar to backpacking but without the limitations of a carved trail. Stuff a tent and bucket of chicken in your boat and create your own Discovery channel documentary. Check out Baha, Alaska, Hawaii or anywhere you find intriguing. Try bird watching, fish and whale watching, or small furry shore-line animal watching. It's like floating on a couch.
5. THEN RELEASE THE PARTY.
A river trip is pure adrenaline. Commitment and athletic finesse are crucial; the river will not stop chugging if you get in trouble. See the river as a dance and let her lead; allow each wave to push you like a feather into the next move. Class 2 water is good place to start. It features a little bit of current, some obstacles and a well defined eddy line. Class 1 will put you to sleep. Class 3 will make you scream. Classes 4-6 are the Cuban Missile Crisis.
Wave kayaking is exactly like surfing. Plan for lot's of salt water up the nose and getting hammered in white wash all day. Use your paddle as a rudder and angle the boat 45 degrees across the swell to avoid sticking a nose and flipping. The baby waves, 1or 2 feet high, are enough to get you "stimulated". That one perfect ride will change your life.
6. PRACTICE WORKING THOSE HIPS.
People freak in this sport more than any I know. You're stuck in a floating coffin and can't imagine turning upside down without hitting your head on a rock. But give in to panic, and you'll flip faster than a chiuawa for a cookie.
Relax, breath and trust your new skills. Practice rolling until water clogs every orifice. Don't try faster water until the wimpy rapids get really boring. Always sit up tall in your boat, chest forward, shoulders back and elbows tight against your ribs. And even though every rational cell in your body screams to do the opposite; always lean down stream and into every wave like they told you in pool class.
7. DON'T CRY OVER SPILT MOVES.
Get used to it; one twitch and gloop you're upside down. Blow that "bomber" roll once, twice, and it's time to pull the spray skirt rip-chord. When swimming in current remember these basics; First, for sheeps sake, DON"T PANIC! Hold onto as much gear as possible or it'll float to some sock and elephant graveyard on another planet. Get those feet in front and prepare to push off unseen obstacles. Try to swim to shore. If rescued, grab the tail loop of the rescue boat and kick hard, don't just be an anchor. If they tell you to let go, do it.
8. HUMILATION IS UNECCESSARY.
At some time in this waterlogged journey, you may find yourself struggling to get in the boat only to fall over and thrash with the slippery tube like in a violent shark attack. This is totally unnecessary! Take the boat to the water's edge or have a friend hold it steady, hold your paddle perpendicular behind the cock pit and use it for balance, straddle the boat and gently slip in feet first from behind with your legs held straight. You're hips should follow like a greased coed going for the last twinkie.
9. BLOW SOME CASH.
Rent for awhile, figure out your favorite gig, then whip out the plastic and buy your own life jacket, paddle, helmet, spray skirt and boat.
Lake or sea kayakers should get a touring boat. These comfortable, stable cruisers are made of fiberglass or plastic, have a turn rudder you control through pedals, and are 9-14 feet long. (Picture a Cadillac). ($850-2000)
The hottest river trend is a short 7-8 foot surfing boat (a Ferrari). You, being fresh off drivers ed., should start instead with a medium length 10 foot "rocker" boat with smooth side curves that won't grab (a Taurus). ($900)
Wave kayakers should try the 6-12 foot sit-on-top. Knee straps, rather than a cockpit, hold you in. It's like sitting in a little bathtub (a Gremlin). This boat offers stability and doesn't need to be drained every time you wipe out. ($550-$900)
10. WHAT KIND OF BIKINI SHOULD I BUY?
Definitely one with rhinestones. Then at very least pick up a dry suit and polypro underwear. Hypothermia isn't for everyone. Even in a Brazilian rain forest you might be glad to have this rolled at your waist if a freak snowstorm busts out.
11. BE THE PROM QUEEN.
It's a team sport. For safety reasons never kayak alone. You'll always need someone to drag you from the algae scum or comfort you when a penguin savagely attacks. Surround yourself with a plethora of worthy kayak buddies. Join a club, put up an ad, hang out near rivers and flirt, or take kayaking vacations with a reputable company.
12. PROPER ETIQUETTE
A few, simple rules… These boats are tippy; so wait your turn for a wave and try not to clobber anyone. For safety reasons don't desert your buddies, someone always needs help. Rafters usually join the party on a river trip and will shlep your camping gear. One six pack, a box of fig newtons, and a gold temple built in their name is minimum wage. And please, save us all; don't forget to take your nose plugs off at the end of the day.
13. HOW TO BE COOL.
This isn't some flashy sport like mud wrestling. Go ahead and look like a geek all you want. Drag that boat over the rocks by the gear loop like a side of beef , wear limburger polypro, slap Metallica stickers on your helmet, protect your contacts by wearing speedo swim goggles with long rubber pull-tabs that quiver like Jell-O around your face. The coolest person in the water is the one that looks and smells like a river, and has the biggest smile.
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Epinions.com ID:
kristenulmer
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Member: Kristen Ulmer
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Reviews written: 25
Trusted by: 91 members
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