jankp's Full Review: Dr. Laura Schlessinger - 10 Stupid Things Women Do...
Warning: This book is not for the faint of heart or psyche! If you really want to change, it can jump-start your journey to self-worth. (back cover)
I didn’t want to like this first book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the Jewish mother/wife/licensed and practicing psychotherapist/radio talk show personality. After reading all the disparaging comments of her real-life brashness in the comment section of my just-reviewed Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives, I expected to read of upset, horrendously-misunderstood women in 1994’s Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives. I did not.
In fact I pretty much just loved the book. Obviously this says a lot about my own no-nonsense personality and I’m also not making apologies about it as Schlessinger does not. She repeatedly points out that women aren’t stupid inherently, but only make stupid choices in a way to solve problems of what are mostly their own making. Which should be clarified that childhood abuse or trauma are not their fault (the book is not called Ten Stupid Things Children Do…), but that as adults we need therapy to get past our inflicted wounds and learned behavior so we don’t try to deny them in our relationships.
It would be best if I go through the ten mistakes that Schlessinger has observed continuously in all her cases, emails and phone conversations and shares with us. Not only twenty-somethings are guilty of them, but many times fifty-somethings disappoint her with their lack of courage, self-esteem, independence and logic overwhelmed by romanticism and fear (of being alone and/or not good enough).
For men who are reading this, you will not be bored. This book should be of great interest to you, also, if you are low in self-esteem or in relationship with one you’re finding difficult to understand, respect or tolerate. Women, start your engines, here we go!
Contents
Chapter One: Stupid Attachment
These women have no goals or dreams except in relation to a sympathetic man with a hero complex (thanks, LEDOMAINE, for the phrase). She feels she is nothing without him, who becomes her only reason for living. Both feed off each other’s fears of rejection, so she whines and demands while he wises up eventually and dumps her.
Chapter Two: Stupid Courtship
This mistake occurs because women are so desperate for a man that they don’t care what kind of loser he is. They dive in despite the telltale signs. Desperation breeds from not developing interests and goals for yourself, so the “female escape route,” aka men, is taken as “a socially acceptable means of avoiding becoming an individual—through attachment.”
Chapter Three: Stupid Devotion
A 42-year old woman listener lists the reasons why she’s still devoted to a louse:
“Number one, I don’t have to change. Number two, I don’t lose what I like in the companionship and security aspects. Number three, it would be uncomfortable making a transition to being alone or with anyone else. And number four, I guess, I would take it personally—his negative perception of me must be right.” pp. 65
Very sad, but very common.
Chapter Four: Stupid Passion
These women confuse feelings of passion for the presence of mature love. They are carried away with the high of it, have sex too soon, give up their career dreams and get married out of desperation and not love. Divorce results usually.
Chapter Five: Stupid Cohabitation or “The Ultimate Female Self-Delusion”
I like the subtitles here. “Why Play Russian Roulette With Your Life?,” “Living-In As A Retardant To Maturity,” “I Love Him, But I Don’t Trust Him,” “When Hope Can Hurt You,” “Only You Can Make You Happy,” “Living In = Giving In,” “Dating As A Lease With An Option To Buy” and many others!
Chapter Six: Stupid Expectations
Schlessinger starts out talking about a couple who were her clients. At first Maureen needed help with her nervous, crying baby, but Dr. Laura suggested that her husband Kenny join them (the baby stayed with a sitter after the first nerve-wracking session) and she discovered their very different expectations of marriage caused by unresolved pain from their parents. Spouses of similar ilk cannot heal the wounds made by parents.
Chapter Seven: Stupid Conception -- “There are no accidents usually”
Just because a man says he loves you that does not no how mean that he wants a child with you or even marriage. Some women believe the fairy tale that she’s found Prince Charming just because “he said he loved me!” or maybe she’s trying to force marriage.
Chapter Eight: Stupid Subjugation
This example just blows me—and Dr. Laura—away and many more women like her:
...I’ve never been able to forget a case dating from when I first opened my counseling practice. The woman was a caller in her late twenties who had a problem with her boyfriend. He liked her well enough, but didn’t want her two little kids around—at all. In fact, he was pressuring her to give them away. Her question, believe it or not, was “What should I do?”
…Naturally, she didn’t want to give up her kids, but she didn’t want to give up the guy even more. pp. 157
Chapter Nine: Stupid Helplessness
Instead of getting angry when guys treat them with disrespect, these women wonder if they should and if the guy gives a decent excuse for it, she accepts it willingly, even though she’s unhappy and lacking a sense of validation.
Chapter Ten: Stupid Forgiving
If you’ve ever caught yourself—or heard a woman—saying, “I know he’s adulterous, addicted, controlling, insensitive, violent, or fill in blank, but other than that…,” then you have witnessed stupid forgiving because the speaker is attached, helpless, subjugated or deluded. Included: a description of styles these emotionally-paralyzed women exhibit.
Final Comments
I’ve already gone into so much detail that I’ll be brief. Personally, I was once into stupid behavior and could've used this book then, but it still grabbed my attention, provoked reflection. Every single woman from eight to eighty should read this for that reason. Women are not the sole problems in a relationship, but if there are problems, then they usually have more motivation than guys to root it out. Of course many times they will be overwhelmed by what they find and just plant it again as shown in this book.
Dr. Laura advocates counseling for couples, even listing toll-free helplines, housing resources and self-help organizations in the back. She assumes most women will be upset after reading the book, but I only saw gratitude and thoughtfulness from women she talked with in playscript style. She never seemed rude, but a good listener who wanted to empower women into making wise choices with their lives and any children.
I noticed that she has very recently come out with Ten Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships, so I’m curious about how it will expand on the two I have read and reviewed. Be looking for the review perhaps within the week!
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is the incredibly popular and controversial psychotherapist who hosts a nationally syndicated, top-rated midday radio talk show...More at Buy.com Marketplaces
General Self-actualization/Self-Help - A staunch proponent of taking charge of your life, the top-rated nationally syndicated talk show host uses real...More at Barnes and Noble
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