hadassahchana's Full Review: Twisted Christmas by Twisted Sister
My second son, affectionately known as #2, is the most determined of my four sons to give his mother prematurely grey hair. If he isn't breaking his collarbone by trying out Jackie Chan stunts, he is trying to skateboard down the roof of our shed. And even more worrisome, he has discovered heavy metal. Much to my dismay- I spent much of his life so far playing Mozart and Bach, Gilbert and Sullivan and Verdi to the boy. Suddenly, he turned 15, wears black tee shirts, rolls his eyes a lot and listens to music (?) by bands with such entertaining names as Disturbed,Judas Priest, and who knows what else- Dogs Eating Glass, from what I can tell. Funnily enough, no one's asked me to come up with a name for a metal band.
Part of his newfound fascination with this music which I find really upsetting is his desire to share. He wants me to actually listen to much of it. I brought this on myself, I admit When he offered to play something loud and screechy for me one day, I politely declined. He then pointed out that I always said that instead of having warning labels on music, parents ought to be aware of what their children are listening to. Of all the times for him to actually listen to what I said- but there you are. And this is how I found myself sitting down with him a few times this holiday season to enjoy- uh, make that listen - to A Twisted Christmas by Twisted Sister.
I admit to being alarmed at the sound of the very first track. A softly-strummed guitar, a rather mediocre man's voice and a very enthusiastic but utterly talentless trumpet player was even worse than I'd expected from a metal CD. However, the sudden drum-break followed by Twisted Sister's more familiar sound reminded me that there are worse things in life than bad trumpet playing. 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas sounds a bit boring to me, nothing clever or unusual about this track.
Oh Come All Ye Faithful did make me laugh. First, it starts out exactly like Twisted Sister's 'We're Not Gonna Take It', which made me laugh. Until I realized I can no longer listen to the Christmas carol without thinking of TS's version. They ruin the clever factor, though, by hammering the point home in a guitar riff from 'Not Gonna Take It'. Um, guys? We get it. They end it by adding in a bit of Hava Negila', which also got a laugh from me.
'White Christmas' actually isn't so bad. It's not my first choice of what to listen to during the holiday season, but Snider sings mostly in tune, doesn't sound as angry as he does in many of the other tracks, and it has a nice guitar solo in the middle which actually is a pretty good fit for the song. I sort of like this song.
Next up, 'I'll Be Home For Christmas'. Oh my goodness, I most sincerely hope not. If I had never heard Twisted Sister before, this song is all I would have needed to hear to know that I would not intentionally listen to what they consider to be music ever again. Snider's out of tune for nearly the entire song, something which just irks me. However, the real dealbreaker on this song is that the interesting melody which gives it a slightly jazzy feel has just been eliminated by Twisted Sister. They just play it straight, sound really amateurish (think bad talent show at church) and end up being really boring. Nothing innovative or edgy about this track.
'Silver Bells' sounds like something Bing Crosby would have heard in his nightmares. It's not that it is bad, it's more that this light and fluffy song becomes very forceful and there's very much of a feel of the bad boys in this version. One funny bit is the rest of the band answering 'silver bells...' to Snider's verse. They aren't exactly singing together and therefore they sound confused rather than strong. I found this song to be just a little odd.
'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus'- this is not the Norman Rockwell family- mommy wearing a fresh housedress and pearls carrying a tray of fragrant fresh-baked cookies kissing a Santa who is clean-cut and handsome beneath his fake beard. Don't forget whose house this is- in this vision of Christmas, mommy is more than likely to have numerous tattoos and Santa's piercings would be visible. Snider's delivery sounds angry and even a bit threatening in this version, sort of the neighbourhood kid you'd vote most likely to see on the news in handcuffs.
"Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow' is probably the most annoying song on this CD. The arrangement doesn't sound cool or interesting, but trite and repetitive. It also sounds like whoever arranged this missed a few chord changes. It's loud and boring. Since this is Twisted Sister, the very least they could do is to be loud and offensive, but that didn't happen here.
'Deck The Halls' is actually an interesting track. The guitar plays a drone which gives this almost a Celtic feel, and I think it's well done. The band singing along sounds great, and catches the excitement and fun of metal without trying to force the angry young man aspect. This song works for me.
On the other hand, 'The Christmas Song' just sounds angry. Snider's gravelly voice growling out '...tiny tots with their eyes all aglow' conjures up an image of demonic toddlers with fiery eyes. The wish of 'Merry Christmas, to you' sounds way sarcastic and just downright mean.
Predictably, my favourite song on this album is 'Heavy Metal Christmas', a parody of '12 Days Of Christmas'.
Four quarts of Jack
three studded belts
two pairs of spandex pants
and a tattoo of Ozzy"
This song is what the entire album should have been- good music, clever lyrics and musicians able to laugh at themselves. Although I think this album is a disappointment, I admit that this song is very funny.
For my 15 year old, this album goes particularly well with his collection of black tee shirts and the disdain for everything which almost oozes from him on some days. However, the clever title and the remake of '12 Days Of Christmas' promised a lot more than just a bunch of loud and tired-sounding arrangements of standard Christmas carols. I would have given it a nod if more tracks had been as good as 'Deck The Halls', but also would have given it a complete thumbs down if more songs had sounded as dreadful as 'The Christmas Song'. Unfortunately, the very good is balanced out by the very bad which makes for a mediocre album, which is a real shame. I wanted to like this album, if for no other reason than that it would have annoyed #2 immensely.
#2 is planning on playing this in the morning to wake up his brothers. I have threatened him with all sorts of things up to and including holding a Tchaikovsky Festival in our home for the next week. However, I somehow doubt that will work, and I have this terrible sinking feeling that I will be listening to this a lot for the next few days. At the moment, the best I can hope for is a silent night or two.
Oops- updated! I forgot to mention that #2, horseman_2 here on Epinions, has his own ideas about this CD. Read his review for either a) "the real truth about A TWisted Christmas" or b) the effects of being a teenager on the brain. Depending, of course, on which side of that age gap you're on.
To commemorate the band s 30th anniversary, rock legends Twisted Sister, release its final album, A Twisted Christmas. The album features varied style...More at Buy.com Marketplaces
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