Don't Hate Me Because I Love These Big Shiny Panties
Written: Nov 23 '02
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Product Rating:
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Pros: A soft, shiny, liquidproof barrier between me and my pants.
Cons: Not embroidered with Tony Blair's mug.
The Bottom Line: I don't even miss my urethra anymore. I would (and do) feel totally comfortable wearing these vinyl panties on a hot date.
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| Lobstergirl's Full Review: Angel Fluff Blue Ice Overpants Snap-On |
Ever since I lost most of my urethra in a skiing accident in 1999, I’ve been searching for the ideal pair of plastic, rubber or vinyl panties.
The fir tree that attacked me on the slopes at Beaver Creek that day also speared my bladder, stole nine feet of my small intestine, and left pine needles splayed throughout my Islets of Langerhans. It cracked my pelvis, so that my body veers in a west-northwesterly direction if I’m not careful; shattered my left ankle and both shins (much of the bone in my lower legs had to be replaced by Corian®), and unzipped my torso from clavicle to abdomen until my heart was practically beating right there on the packed powder. One of my silicone implants was ejected from my body and remains lost to this day. I haven’t had the funds to correct the asymmetry. No, I’m not asking for your pity (although I have since also lost a portion of my female parts due to a particularly vicious coyote attack, and am looking into the possibility of some more Corian® in that region. If there’s anything that life has taught me, it’s that durability is the name of the game in the pubic area). I’m just asking for a few minutes of your time to tell you about the Angel Fluff Blue Ice Overpants that have helped me lead an almost normal life.
These overpants are worn with (over top) a diaper, although I have to confess I would wear these alone even if I didn’t suffer from urinary and occasionally bowel incontinence, because they are the softest overpants I have ever worn. They are made from ultra-soft heavy gauge vinyl, which quite frankly feels even better than raw filet mignon against the skin. They are sized to be larger than your diaper, so for example when you go to the beach the edge of your Depends doesn’t poke out the leg and embarrass you. The waist and leg elastic is strong and durable, yet not irritating. I had a small patch of diaper rash in the delta of Venus region and the leg elastic did not rub or chafe.
The Blue Ice Overpants are available in either a pull-on style ($17.95 each, 4 or more $15.45 each) or a snapfront style ($19.95 each, 4 or more $16.90 each). I am personally partial to the snapfronts because they give you the option of changing your diaper via the crotch area. This takes a little practice, but I have plenty of time. My incontinence isn’t going anywhere!
Each style comes in 10 sizes, from XXX-Small to XXXX-Large. The smallest size fits waist size 16-24 inches, thigh size 12-14 inches, and crotch width 9 inches. The largest size fits waist size 36-60 inches, thigh size 24-34 inches, and crotch width 19 inches. (Please people, no Star Jones jokes. She's heard them all.) Ironically, even though the overpants are called overpants, they are considered undergarments and cannot be returned or exchanged. (They can, of course, be resold on Ebay, and I picked up a couple pairs on the cheap at a nonagenarian’s estate sale). They are sold only through Angel Fluff (phone 800-996-2644) and can be shipped to the U.S. and its territories, Canada, Great Britain, Germany, and Japan. (Angel Fluff, why cannot you ship to Kuwait and Qatar? Do not the people of Estonia need your vinyl undergarments?) Angel Fluff also makes overpants of urethane, rubber, and nylon-tricot covered vinyl. (But not pleather, moc croc or Goretex® – I would really love to see some all-weather overpants, Angel Fluff.) I think the next product I will try is “The Professional”, which is reputed to be whisper-quiet for career people “on the go”. Trust me, the last thing anyone wants to hear as you gambol through the office, unless you work for a sex toys manufacturer, is the loud squeak of rubber or vinyl.
The Angel Fluff company owners are Christians. If you place an order for $200 or more, they will send you a free Jesus action figure with a tiny pair of Blue Ice Overpants under his robes. (Heal thine own incontinence, Jesus!)
I am hopeful that Angel Fluff will come out with a hiphugger or lowrider pant to accommodate the new fashions. True, your diaper will peek out, but with a little Martha Stewart ingenuity you can hem your diaper at the waist and still go out and knock ‘em dead. I would also thrill to an overpant with a slimming and shaping panel -- something like a big vinyl girdle; my abdomen is grossly distended because most of my abdominal muscles were ripped out in an all-terrain vehicle accident. I think it’s too much to expect a thong overpant, at least in the near future, but if that ever happens, please remember me at Kwanzaa.
Bibliography
Angerpointner, T. A. and Yokoyama, J., eds. Constipation and Fecal Incontinence and Motility Disturbances of the Gut. Springer Verlag, 1989.
Benson, J. Thomas, ed. Female Pelvic Floor Disorders: Investigation and Management. W. W. Norton & Company, 1997.
Benson, J. Thomas and Morton A. Stenchever, eds. Atlas of Clinical Gynecology: Urogynecology and Pelvic Reconstructive Surgery, Volume 5. McGraw-Hill Professional, 2000.
Buchanan, Ann and Graham Clayden. Children Who Soil: Assessment and Treatment. John Wiley & Son Ltd, 1996.
Burgio, Kathryn L., et al. Staying Dry: A Practical Guide to Bladder Control. Johns Hopkins University Press, 1990.
Chocolate, Deborah M. Newton. My First Kwanzaa Book. Cartwheel Books, 1999.
Chopra, Deepak. The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Your Dreams. Amber-Allen Pubs., 1995.
Elkins, Rita. Natural Treatments for Urinary Incontinence: Using Butterbur and Other Natural Supplements to Treat Bladder Control Problems. Woodland Publishing, 2000.
Funk, Sandra G., ed. Key Aspects of Elder Care: Managing Falls, Incontinence, and Cognitive Impairment. Springer Pub., 1992.
Gifford, Kathie Lee, with Jim Jerome. I Can’t Believe I Said That!. Pocket Books, 1993.
Laycock, J. and J. Haslam, eds. Therapeutic Management of Incontinence and Pelvic Pain. Springer Verlag, 2002.
Leyland, Winston, et al. Meat: True Homosexual Experiences (True Homosexual Experiences from S.T.H., V. 1,). Gay Sunshine Press; 1983.
Locklear, Edmond. 98 Percent of the People You Know and Love Are in Dangerous Sexual Situations (Sex in Religion, No 1). WFC Press, 1994.
Parker, William H., M.D., et al. The Incontinence Solution: Answers for Women of All Ages. Fireside, 2002.
Rovner, Eric S., et al. A Woman's Guide to Regaining Bladder Control. M. Evans and Company, Inc., 2001.
Sand, Peter K. Urodynamics and the Evaluation of Female Incontinence: A Practical Guide. Springer Verlag, 1995.
Schuster, Marvin M. and Jacqueline Wehmueller. Keeping Control: Understanding and Overcoming Fecal Incontinence. Johns Hopkins University Press, 1994.
Trunnell, Susan. Continence With Biofeedback: New Treatment for Fecal Incontinence. Avantage Publications, 1991.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
Lobstergirl
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Member: Distressa Bologna-Cohen
Location: The Northern District of Illinois
Reviews written: 102
Trusted by: 262 members
About Me:
Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas.
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