Did you ever see a movie that was so bad that you watched it again, thinking you must have missed something the first time around? 1999's The Astronaut's Wife is such a movie. Well, let's get this review over with so I can try to forget this movie.

Spencer Armacost (Johnny Depp) is an astronaut who is happily married to schoolteacher Jillian (Charlize Theron). Spencer plans to retire and move to New York with Jillian, but things change when he goes on a mission to outer space. All communication with Spencer and another astronaut named Alex (Nick Cassavettes) is lost for two minutes. And when they return, they seem different somehow. What exactly happened in those two minutes?

The director of this film is Rand Ravich, whose prolific credits include... um... a 1995 short called Oink. Fortunately, Ravich has not directed anything other than these two films, so it seems The Astronaut's Wife killed his career. And it started out so promising, too. I mean, who doesn't love Oink? I think a lot of the blame for this waste of film rests on Ravich, who also wrote the dreadful script.

The premise of the film sounds quite intriguing and suspenseful, but the good ideas are poorly played out. For example, when Spencer returns from space, we are supposed to understand that he has changed drastically. But the beginning of the film is so rushed that we don't even know the character, thus, it's hard to see how "different" he is upon his return. The first half hour is spent poorly introducing us to the characters, then Spencer and Alex are off. The rest of the film's 110-minute runtime involves Jillian slooowly realizing that her husband has changed and trying to uncover the truth.

Since the story is told from Jillian's point of view, we never really know what is going on. This, of course, is to keep us in suspense, but by the end of the film, when things still don't make sense, it's just annoying. Many events in the film are never explained, and this includes the ending. And of course, when Spencer impregnates Jillian after his return from space, you are initially supposed to believe this is just a normal pregnancy. Oh yeah, I believed that. The film does have a few scary moments. Throughout the film, we know something supernatural is going on, and there are some interesting camera angles that make things a little more frightening.

The performances in this film are mediocre. There's really not much the actors could do with such a poor script and a director who seemed to have no clue what he was doing. Charlize Theron is the star, and this was her first leading role. She is pretty good, although she overacts a bit and seems to have been given too much to do. Of course, that may have been to compensate for Johnny Depp, who does nothing much except lurk ominously, smile sinisterly, and raise his eyebrows in a suspicious manner. It's nice to see Depp as a bad guy, but it would have been better if he had something to do.

The Astronaut's Wife probably looked good on paper, but the ideas are so poorly executed, the beginning so rushed, the characters so unconvincing, and the story so boring that I really didn't care what happened in the film as long as it ended. Many questions go unanswered, and the end of the film makes no sense, but you probably won't mind because you'll already be asleep by that time. The DVD (which most places sell for less than $10) includes some scant special features, like the film's trailer (wow!) and an alternate ending that is just as pointless and stupid as the real ending. Just stay away unless you really need a sleeping aid or a Frisbee.

Rated R for violence, language and a strong scene of sexuality.

Part of the Lean-n-Mean III W/O

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: DVD
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age