Bissell 3920 Reviews
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Bissell 3920

35 ratings (16 Epinions reviews)
Epinions Product Rating: Very Good
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All of the noise, none of the suck

Aug 10, 2009
Review by  
Rated a Very Helpful Review
  • User Rating: Disappointing

  • Ease of Use:
  • Durability:
  • Ease of Cleaning:
  • Style:

Pros:I'm getting rid of it in two weeks.

Cons:It can't be exorcised.  The demons are there to stay.

The Bottom Line: Purchase and give to people you hate.

This vacuum sucks.  Not in the way a vacuum should suck.  Which is to say, it does not suck at all.  Like 0 suction whatsoever.  I've seen an air compressor with more powerful vacuum action that this thing.

I made the ill-advised purchase of the Bissell Pet Hair Repositioner in March of 2008.  Since then, it has yet to actually "collect", let alone "erase" any pet hair from my rugs.  Just to be clear, I do not have a yak with mange, a buffalo that's shedding it's coat, or anything like that.  I have two short haired cats.  So we're hardly looking at a mountain of fur here.  And I vacuum weekly.

In addition to the lack of suck, there's also the lack of a rotating beater bar.  The nice part about that is the very loud shrieking noise that the vacuum cleaner makes when this happen.  It's a handy way of informing you that not only does it hate you and your family, it will actually personally ensure your children fail out of college.  Some of them may become waitresses in restaurants of ill repute.

I'm really not certain what the knob for the height adjustment does.  As far as I can tell, it's mostly a volume control for the infernal hellish shrieking that also masks the dull roar of fury this unit emits the second you turn it on.  Perhaps it controls a tiny man who has been tasked with waterboarding the vacuum's mother.  Lower setting, more water boarding.  Higher setting, less water boarding.  It's really anyone's guess.

The most confusing feature of the Bissell Hell-Inducer is the quick-disconnect on the suction hose.  You know, the one that connects the beater bar area to the collection cup.  It doesn't really disconnect randomly as much as every time you use it.  But only after about half an hour of usage combined with dazed wonder at how poorly this machine performs.  Putting things back together makes it perform about as well as trying to suck a bowling ball through a juice box straw.

I think I'm going to chop this thing up into a million pieces and bury it.  My only worry is that it can actually spawn tiny, increasingy evil versions of itself which will come to haunt my dreams.  And move pet hair around my apartment.

Recommend this product? No

Amount Paid (US$): 100

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