Plot Details: This opinion reveals major details about the movie's plot.

A friend and I tend to like some animated movies aimed at children if they are done well and have some good humor in them. We had watched “Over the Hedge” a few weeks ago and really enjoyed it. It was creative, smartly done, had lots of good laughs, and did not talk down to its audience. We figured “Barnyard” looked to be a similar CG animated concept about animals acting up on a farm so we bought it on Pay Per View.

The concept here is set on a quaint farm. The animals are all anthropomorphized and each one has a distinct personality. There is a senior bull who is a dedicated but humble leader who chairs the regular meetings the animals hold in the big barn when the farmer isn’t looking. The initial gag is the animals stand on two legs when no humans are around, but as soon as they spot one nearby, down they go on all fours acting like “dumb” animals. Each animal has a stereotyped character trait, like the out of control son of the bull who is an over the top party animal, the black cow who has a sassy clichéd black woman personality, a sweet newcomer cow who is all Polyanna and saccharine (but pregnant), a donkey who is street wise, three Jersey “cows” who act like “wise guys”, and an obsessive ball chasing dog named Duke. There’s also lots of chickens, a ferret (on a farm? Why?), pigs, horses, and a Vegan farmer who is clueless.

The plot line runs along the lines that the senior bull protects the animals by standing watch at night to protect the barnyard community against the evil coyotes who are hell bent on stealing the chickens. Senior bull is a dedicated, sober, and self deprecating soul who is forever enabling his no good party animal son who just wants to drink, party, and generally raise havoc all day long. The gist of the story is about how the barnyard animals are partying up like it was Spring Break in Cancun while poppa bull battles the coyotes. Poppa bull bites the dust in the battle and party animal son has a rude awakening that it is his fault poppa died so he takes leadership. There is a confrontation with the coyotes who managed to steal several chickens and eventually the good guys win (of course) with redemption all around. Bad boys are turned in to good leaders. Yawn.

Yuck. What a poorly written story. It runs like something written by a committee of yes men and women who have no new ideas and even less concept of comedy or animal anatomy. This movie is pathetic. What got me right from the beginning that this film was going to be hard to watch is the gender ambiguity of the “cows”. Right off the bat, the cows appear, all with prominent udders, but they have boys names, they have male voices, and they act like out of control spoiled rotten teen aged boys of the worst kind. Their behavior wasn’t the worst part, the worst was the fact that male “cows” had female mammary glands and were anatomically identical to female “cows”. How in the world did the writers, producers, and all the rest of the crew that created this thing let this happen? Ridiculous.

Once I realized all the male cattle had female bodies, I lost all respect for the production and couldn’t enjoy this film. Two thumbs down for the dumbest kids movie I’ve ever seen. Don’t waste your time and whatever you do, don’t let your kids see this incredibly stupid movie.


Recommended: No

Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age