I'd known for a long time that the UFC fighter Forrest Griffin was going to come out with another book.  From then on it was just a matter of waiting.  Lucky me, I was actually in the receiving room of the bookstore when it came in.  I promptly set one aside for myself.

Warning: This review is about Forrest Griffin's book, so you should expect a fair amount of swearing.  If it's unexpected then A.) You didn't read this disclaimer and B.) I don't know why you're interested at this book in the first place.

Forrest's first book, Got Fight? was hilarious, so I expected the same wackiness this time around.  The cover certainly doesn't disappoint, what with Forrest standing there looking like a psychotic caveman in a fur-and-duct-tape loincloth, clutching a meat cleaver in one hand and a stuffed squirrel (the toy kind) in the other.  While the book turned out not to be as funny as Got Fight? it was still a pretty amusing read.  And - ironically - Forest has a few not-so-bad ideas.

Let's face it - all those post-apocalyptic movies aren't too far off.  All the wack jobs with the guns will be the ones left, killing off regular folks and stealing what they have.  The strong and ruthless survive.  The rest of us?  Not so much.  But you don't have to be the pansy who gets shot down in his or her own home.  Oh no.  Not with Forrest Griffin to help you.  With his not-so-subtle hints and ideas, you can be on your way to starting your own civilization and developing a brand new utopia in no time.

With the help of Erich Krauss and a few other people you may or may not recognize, you'll learn all the essential skills you'll need to survive the apocalypse.  Each chapter is devoted to something different, from creating a death car Mad Max style to starting your own religion to having an escape plan from the moment the shit starts to go down.  It's all in there.  So, because I know you're too damn lazy to go over to Amazon or B&N to look at the contents for yourself, here's what you'll see:

Parental Warning
Acknowledgements
Forrest, What the Fuck Are You Thinking?
You MUST Pass This Test...And This Time I Mean It!

1. Prepare Now, Part I:  How to Be Ted Kaczynski Without All That Unabomber Crap
2. Prepare Now, Part II: Don't Forget to Pack Your Toothbrush
3. How Shit Will Go Down
4. Surviving the Initial Shit Storm
5. No, You Can't Invite All Your Friends - They Will Trash Our Utopia

Epilogue
Appendix

What I found interesting is that some of the stuff in this book is, in fact, true.  Yes.  I know.  Primarily How Shit Will Go Down and even some bits of chapter 5 (such as how people are total suckers for religion and if you play your cards right, you could be the head honcho of a brand new system or just the head honcho using an old system.  Come on, we all know people as a whole are sheep.  Just look at history.).  As for how the apocalypse is going to happen, we very well could get a plague sweeping over the continents or a meteor could smash into the planet.  Of course, Griffin takes things to a whole different level and drops several rather unique ideas into the mix, but hey, it could still happen.

More interesting than that is being able to see just how insane Griffin and some of his acquaintances are.  Though I suppose it's a bit like oranges and apples - what seems insane to some is totally rational to others.  If shit does go down, then all these guys will be sitting pretty while the rest of us run around on fire.  However, I've read the book, so I'll be safe.

But my favorite parts are the little stories stuck within the chapters just like they were in Got Fight?  Primarily the one from Forrest's wife about how he once went out at around 2am and left the garage door open.  To get him back, she made it seem like someone had broken in and then hid.  Turned out to be a mistake because Griffin immediately went into hunt-down-the-sonofabitch-that-broke-into-my-house-and-shoot-his-ass mode.  She didn't want to jump out of her hiding place and get shot because he was literally stalking from room to room with his gun at the ready.  They both learned a valuable lesson that night.  Don't leave doors open and never pretend someone broke into the house.

I'd like to add that I would love to be friends with Forrest Griffin, though admittedly, I'm not sure I'd be able to handle it.

In the end, if you don't mind reading something completely ridiculous, if you enjoyed Got Fight? and want another dose of Forrest Griffin craziness, then go for it.  But remember (though honestly, you should have already known), it's going to be rude, crude, and on occasion, seriously screwed up.

By the way, did I mention that I also learned that Forrest Griffin thinks deer are sexy?  Yes, read into that.  A lot.

NT

Recommended: Yes