Please leave comments on this review. I love to hear on how I can improve my writing and review style!

Over the past couple of years, there has been something brewing in some Christian churches. Particularly amongst youth and college fellowship groups. It has been an issue that has always been talked about amongst peers, but rarely mentioned in a public context by a preacher, minister, or just plain old youth counselor. What is this issue that I speak of that is so taboo and causes people to look every which way to make sure parents or guidance type figures aren’t around?

Dating.

Yes, you read me right, I said DATING. This is an issue that out of the other issues in life that I would think would bother people in the church, such as, How do I tell my friend about Jesus?, this one always seems to cause people, at least in my church, to feel uneasy. Some even put up a wall and cover their ears because they do not want to hear or even consider what a pastor, teacher, or just a guy/gal who has been there and back have to say about it.

What I am pleading for is that you then do not act like these and be willing to listen to what my review will have to say about this VERY good book written by Joshua Harris on courtship, AKA Dating with purpose.


Objections

Joshua Harris has gotten a lot of heat for his first book. This of course was I Kissed Dating Goodbye(IKDG). The funny titled book that out of the blue started popping up in youth groups faster than weeds in my mother's garden.

The funny thing though is, I’ve known people who haven’t even read it, but just hearing the title, they immediately reject it as garbage and only good to be used in a campfire. Others, who will not go so far, do not understand why one would say goodbye to dating… how in the world am I suppose to find my husband or wife then?! Another favorite angry remark is that Joshua Harris got married “supposedly” a year after his first book came out. Thus they deem him as a hypocrite who did not follow his own book. My hope is that this review will dispel those misconceptions and get to the root message in both books.

The purposes

To put it simply, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, speaks to youth and college age people about why dating in the secular manner is not healthy for us as believers in Christ. His point is to challenge the modern go with the flow type attitude that is prevalent among Christians these days. As he said, there must be something better for Christians in regards to dating, than just don’t have sex till you get married.

Thus, his first book(IKDG) contains reasons, arguments and ideas on how to be counter-culture in this world. He wants his readers to realize that if we can trust Christ with our eternal destinies, then why can’t we trust Him with our love lives? To know the greatest peace and to be used so effectively by God means giving Him our all, including our hearts.

Now, in Boy Meets Girl(BMG), Joshua Harris tackles the burning questions that many who have decided to take the dive into non-secular dating, have been asking.

The way I see it is this. Harris’s first book and second book are related to each other as how the Old Testament and New Testament are related. The IKDG shows the reasons, the logic, and the arguments for being counter-culture. However, it also foreshadows what is in the BMG. BMG explains why IKDG made sense and shows a path that follows the principles of the IKDG. Then you have a clear picture of what he’s talking about.

How do you know?

As I’ve told people about my position in dating, the constant question that I have been asked is, Well, if you won’t “date”, then how will you ever get married?! My answer and what I believe Mr. Harris is saying as well is this: It’s not a SCIENCE. It’s ART! In other words, there is no formula, or time chart that one can use to tell when to court or get married. It’s all about trust and how well in tune you are to His guidance and Will. As Mr. Harris puts it in BMG, his second book, “If you’re not ready for marriage, wait on romance.”

With that said, then as you might have guessed already, Boy Meets Girl speaks to those who are ready for marriage. After you have said goodbye to dating in the world’s way, when you are ready, then it’s time to court or date in a God pleasing way. A way that would bring about no guilt, shame, or regrets on either person should the relationship fly, or if it never takes off the ground. Either way, the point of courtship, in the way that Joshua Harris is proposing, is that the end result is that the friendship between the two will become stronger not weaker. Doesn’t matter if they end up at an altar together, but as long as they learn from each other and grow spiritually together, then the courtship was a success.

Breakdown

It’s really convenient that the book is broken down into 3 parts. It helps the reader maintain focus and not get sidetrack by little issues. It also helps a lot as he uses scripture, logic, but also real life stories, good and bad, of people who have followed/not followed basic principles in the Word of God on how to honor one another. The breakdown is:

1. The word battle: As I mentioned earlier, people have gotten really worked up about his first book just by the title. The funny thing is, what those who disagree with his “book” also follow the same principles and ideas that he proposed in his book in the first place! The use of the words dating and courtship have gotten more attention than need be. In his first part, he attempts to dispel the idea that either is holier or better than the other.

He explains why he uses the term courtship as well. For him, he uses courtship to describe dating with a Godly purchase because it helps him not regress back to how he dated people before. He wanted to, in a sense, start over again, and the best way for him it seems was to use a term that more accurately describes his way. It doesn’t mean though that his use of the word is better than just “dating.” So please, do not get tangled up by that. There are more important things that just the word use in his book.

The rest of part 1 explores the meaning of courtship as he provides biblical guidelines and examples to the reader. He also explores the deep practicality of what Jesus said about what was more important in life. If we love God with all we got, then everything else will fall into place as he provides what we need. It’s about sacrifice and willingness to be molded and sometimes broken by God’s hand. It’s about desiring to become a man or woman who desires God more than anything else. When we have such a focus, then when the time comes to court, then we know that we will not be lost in the midst of the emotions that would naturally come out.


2. Season of courtship: In part 2 of the book, Harris discusses the practical ways on how to approach your courtship. He calls the time of courtship as a special season when your friend is more than a friend, but less than a lover. The basic gist of this section is to explain the ways one can and why they should guard their courtship and each other. Some of the reasons are well founded and easy to understand, while others may be hard to grasp or want to grasp at first. One issue is about sex.

He has one whole chapter where he challenges guys and gals on keeping themselves pure before each other and God. He knows that it can be so easy, especially after the engagement ring is on, to believe that we have more liberty to express our affection. His counter comment is that the more we save for the bedroom, the more precious, and exciting they will be when the time finally comes. There’s a lot of validity in what he has to say about this, and there is one example that I can never forget.

As I mentioned before, Harris did get married, but he did court before that. After almost a year, he proposed to his wife and this particular account is 2 months before the wedding. He wanted to have Shannon and himself be cuddled with each other in a hammock. Innocent to most, but apparently he confessed that his purpose was to be as close to her body as he could. After battling his conscience, he finally walked away from the hammock, confessing to Shannon that he was doing it for the wrong reasons, and that he needed to take a walk. He did this because he loved her, and it was a test he passed, which only made his love and care for her deepen. With that, all I can say is .. wow…


3. Before the “I do”: The last part is short in comparison to the previous two. It deals finally with one major obstacle in the way: Confession to each other about past regrets and sin. His point in this section is that honesty and trust must be one of the major foundation pillars within the marriage. The core foundation being founded on Christ alone because He is the only one that can provide the grace and the forgiveness for all the regrets and wrongs that have occurred in the past. Though this section is geared for those couples who are ready to move from friendship to marriage, there are a lot of principles that apply to everyday life as well.

A good portion of what he deals with is how, if I am the one who needs to let my partner know of sexual sin in my past, I can forgive myself, know that I’ve been forgiven by Jesus, and be able to accept the consequences of my sin. Even if that means that the courtship ends, because God’s grace is still sufficient. It’s about finding true satisfaction in Christ alone, knowing that one’s past has been forgiven, and how to move on, especially towards marriage.


Concluding thoughts and remarks

Overall, I loved this book. Yes, it’s tone is a lot lighter and less convicting than the first book, but it makes sense as he’s talking about the joy of living and walking in a way that pleases God. The Christian life isn’t about rules and regulations as it is about a dynamic life that is obedient to the creator and the lover of our souls. It’s a book about living in a way that shines light to the world, which challenges those around on what it means to be a Christian and the beauty of marriage.

One of the most sobering and deeply convicting parts of this book was in part 2 as well. He speaks to us men about how we have acted and behaved, and it’s not a great thing to read, but very true. However, he challenges us, both men and women, to strive and run for the original intent of marriage. It was something God designed, it brought joy to His heart. My hope is that I will totally be at a place in my heart and life where marriage is so sacred, so beautiful to me that any corruption of it would sadden my heart. Knowing what it was like and what it can be is rather new and refreshing to my heart and life.

One last thing before I close. For those who may feel bitter against Joshua Harris for getting married after writing his first book. Let me offer one last counter argument.

He made his decision about dating around 1995 as he wrote the book in 1996 and printed at the beginning of 1997. From then, it took two years up to 1999 that it became quite popular. He got married around 1999. His 2nd book came out late 2000, early 2001. So what that means is, he had not dated for at least 2 years, if not 3 before he started to court his wife. If anything to me, what he wrote, he lived out, what he lived out, he demonstrated in his book. To me, that’s no problem. Instead, it’s a testimony and miracle that only God could have done.

Crack it open!!!

Finally, just open the book and read it! You may not totally agree with everything he may have to say, but do give him a chance. There must be something interesting, if not thought provoking that he has said, that would cause millions of copies to be sold! People are still buying them, and yes, some people are rereading them. They may not change your life as they have for me, but they may get you to rethink about some things in your life that you thought were gospel truth. So please do be open-minded and consider what this dude has to say. Blessings.

Recommended: Yes