Hitler's War: A Novel That Redefines the Meaning of "Atrocious"
Written: Aug 23 '09 (Updated Aug 23 '09)
Product Rating:
Pros: The four hundred and ninety-eighth page is blank.
Cons: You have to get to four hundred and ninety-seven pages of text to get there.
The Bottom Line: This is an unbelievable and completely execrable alternate history novel about World War II from the master of unbelievable and completely execrable alternate history. Save yourself, please!
buffoonery's Full Review: Harry Turtledove - Hitler's War
I've been an amateur military historian all my life. I like reading books about stuff that explodes, crashes, sinks, wrecks, and brews up. I've been playing wargames ever since I was eight and through nearly twenty-two years of marriage and my wife still doesn't understand it. And my favorite subject about stuff that blows up is World War II, the biggest stuff-blowing-up conflict of all time. And what could be cooler for a geek like me than another alternate history novel about World War II?
Except when it is written by Harry Turtledove.
Turtledove has fashioned himself a very lucrative cottage industry by churning out fantasy and alternate-history novels for guys who have too much time on their hands yet who find Tom Clancy a bit too literate. He's got a series on "what if the South won the Civil War?" (Ans: Who gives a damn?) and "What if the Japanese invaded Hawaii?" (Ans: Only if they completely ignored the logistical issues) and some other stuff. The books, as a rule, make the wooden W.E.B. Griffin look like Thomas Mann.
So, it was with trepidation that I picked up Hitler's War from my local library (you don't think I would actually buy it, do you?). The book was worse than I feared.
The assumption in this go-round of "what excuse do I need to publish some drivel?" is that World War II breaks out a year early in 1938 after the Czech Nazi something-Henlein is murdered. As a result, the Munich talks fail and Hitler invades Czechoslovakia in 1938.
Now, the essence of an alt-history book is that the historical changes being proposed have some semblance of reality. That is essential. Without that, nothing. And the idea of war breaking out in 1938 is not, on the face of it, nonsense.
On the other hand, the events in Hitler's War are, to put it briefly, nonsense. I've read extensively on the subject of World War II and have also gamed it heavily. I've got a pretty good idea of German and Allied military capabilities in late 1938. And I can say unequivocally that Germany simply did not have the ability to brush aside the Czechs (who were quite well prepared) and then run riot over the French and British in the same year and deal with then deal with the Soviets simultaneously. The idea is absolutely ludicrous. Moreover, Hitler knew it was ludicrous.
In fact, Hitler was talked out by a his general staff of a 1939 invasion of France (when he was stronger) after trashing the Poles because the German armed forces simply weren't ready after the Polish campaign. Not only were the logistical issues of transferring the army hundreds of miles difficult but the four light panzer divisions had proven unsuccessful and had to be reorganized. On top of that, the big campaign in the West starts off right before winter. You ever try to fight during a European winter? Good bloody luck. So the whole premise of the book is absurd.
I suppose one could even live with that if the book were written with some semblance of adequate prose. It isn't. Calling Turtledove's writing ability "wooden" would be a compliment of the highest nature. He makes all of the technophile pot boiler writers look like Hemingway. Some of the plots surrounding the many characters are not only uninteresting but irrelevant. Why do we care about US Marines in China? Or Abraham Lincoln Brigade members in China? Why aren't there any conversations with the military and political leaders so we can get a grasp of the big picture? And worse.
We do get exposure to some actual historical characters. Hans Rudel, a very famous Stuka ace on the Eastern Front, has a plot line. So does the U-Boat commander who sank the liner Athenia. Again, so what?
If you haven gotten it yet, let me spell it out for you: Turtledove writes the equivalent of Harlequin romances for men. Instead of a bodice ripper, you get things that go boom. BFD. If you're reading stuff like this, don't ever criticize your wife or girlfriend for reading some tripe that has some painting of a manly man and a beautiful cleavage-intensive damsel on the cover, because you aren't any better.
To add insult to injury, the book ends with the plucky French and Brits, battered but not beaten, holding off the Germans, which means there is more garbage to come.
You want to read a good book about World War II? Look for a copy of Hans Rudel's terrific autobiography Stuka Pilot. The guy was absolutely amazing, he even blew up a Soviet battleship, it's exciting and, from what I gather, pretty much true. This book, on the other hand, is only fit for tinder in your fireplace.
The New York Times bestselling master of alternate history delivers the captivating first novel in his new World War II series. Harry Turtledove imagi...More at Buy.com
The New York Times -bestselling master of alternative history delivers the captivating first novel in his new World War II series. Turtledove imagines...More at Buy.com Marketplaces
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