Scantily Clad Survivors Go Post Apocalyptic: B-Horror Special
Written: May 27 '09
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Good writing, the first half of the book was interesting.
Cons: Typical horror sterotypes, illogical sequences, abrupt ending, just plain annoying.
The Bottom Line: So much potential, so little delivery.
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| countess_eva's Full Review: Mark Morris - The Deluge |
Meandering through the racks at Borders, armed with a tepid macchiato and end of the semester cash burning a hole in my wallet, I came across The Deluge, a promising little paperback with cool cover art and a good spiel. Unlike the racks of “monster that ate Manhattan” paperbacks stuffed next to overpriced serial killer fiction, Deluge promised something different than the same old plot re-told that the others offered.
In the bleakest hours of the dark AMs, they hear it – a rumbling, low and sinister, filling the sibilate silence. After the earthquake has passed the water comes, a silent ocean rising remorselessly from some unknown region, drowning all but the tallest buildings, claiming the slumbering hordes with a soft, watery touch. Amidst this swirling ocean, a few survivors remain stranded, deserted in post apocalyptic mayhem. But, it’s about to get much worse. When the water recedes the game for survival in a brutal new world begins and a strange new adversary arises.
Primordial, desperate, and despicably cliché, Deluge promises much with its back cover blurb. Having successfully ingested piles of cheap paperback horror books, I was intrigued with the idea of an epic flood, leaving a very few stranded on the top of skyscrapers, looking out over a bustling city and seeing only water instead. It’s new, original . . . or is it?
The story starts out strong, building a great atmosphere through the first person perspectives of several survivors. The actual event, while not described as much as I had hoped, was most certainly chilling and the few survivors seemed like characters I could grow to like. Enthusiastically anticipating forays into the debris filled ocean that used to be bustling London, I despaired to see the flood waters recede as quickly as they had arisen, leaving the survivors to wander their way among the soggy ruins after the first few chapters. The premise that had originally attracted me had, deviously, turned into more of the same old horror stuff that I had already read. Almost immediately the few survivors started bickering, and set out on a haphazard, poorly advised, poorly prepared ramble through the most dangerous spots they could find. Naturally, they were not wary and just charged around like hyperactive baboons, landing themselves in dire straights.
So, here’s how to “survive” Deluge style if you suddenly find yourself in a post apocalyptic horror fest (which, hey, could totally happen)
1.) The world’s just ended. It’s time to get a love interest. Everybody may be dead and some scary stuff is going down so this is obviously time to fall in love, have kids, and buy an SUV.
2.) Life on earth is over for some inexplicable reason. Waters came from nowhere, corpses are everywhere, and strange blue lightening flickers around. There are also lots of crazy people, cannibals, and oh yeah, some weird monsters. Get down with the sickness. Start wondering around, split up as much as possible, scream a lot, fall over lots of stuff like you were two years old, and bicker with your fellow survivors.
3.) Find a tough chick with a gun. Every good post apocalyptic survivor needs one. Just go to the local tough chick store, but don’t mess with her because she likes to get medieval on people because she has trouble connecting with her inner self and her emotions. Be sympathetic at key points and lulls in the story.
4.) So, scary monsters wondering around? Hmm, they have bizarre powers, think humans are the other white meat, and just might be aliens. Oh, and they can disguise themselves as people (not at all like John Carpenter’s The Thing). So, antagonize them as much as possible. They’ve already destroyed the world, but a few people can take ‘em down. And, yeah, totally don’t suspect members of your group who have been acting strange and nibbling on you. It’s probably just the weather (ha ha).
5.) Can’t have a pet? Darn, guess animals are all dead. Set off on dim witted schemes, capture one of said monsters, store it in a poorly constructed cage nearby and don’t guard it. Wait to see what happens.
6.) Disregard health and safety at all times. The world’s over, but doctors are probably working over time. Oh, yeah. They’re all dead too. Bummer.
7.) There are a lot of rotting corpses around, lots of silt and soggy stuff, but act surprised every time you see water damage. Huh, who would have thought?
8.) Return to item one. Have you got a love interest yet? Good, now become gooey eyed with him/her to the point that you distance yourself from your surviving petulant teenager. Get into a family argument at critical survival points. You may be the last remaining humans, so get arguing, life’s short.
9.) Accidentally shoot yourself or a member of your group.
10.) Find an indefensible fortress. Separate from your group in said fortress. Suspect no one even though you know that some people are now aliens. Get alone, preferably get naked and take a shower. Leave yourself unarmed. Fall asleep if possible. Wait to see what happens.
11.) Eventually give up and accept that you will all die. Then, have a group sing along and make out with your love interest one last time. Also, make sure that you patch things up with your teenager too and talk about how one member of your group was a great sport in sacrificing him/herself. The end.
So, got the point? In a word, Deluge suffers from acute stereotypical degeneration failing to support the back cover blurb. Instead of focusing on the unique idea of a world devastating flood, Mark Morris speeds up the initial instigator and rushes into the survivors-on-steroids-muck- through-and- make-the-best- of-it stage which drags on for hundreds of pages. *Sigh.* And I thought that this one would be different.
Speaking of stereotypical, let’s talk about characters, shall we. Here’s a quick and easy guide to how to write horror characters Deluge style:
1.) You need a whiney teenager. Even better, she needs to talk incessantly and be smarter than the adults. She’s cool, she’s hip, she’s one tough old bean . . . but she is sensitive, cries a lot, and when it comes down to it she’s still daddy’s little girl. Allow her to butt in at the most crucial moments of the story so that any reader who was getting interested will immediately put the book down and opt for watching The Shopping Channel instead. Make sure that she has a cutesy name. After all, this is a horror novel.
2.) Your whiney teen needs one absent minded, inconsiderate, self centered, asleep-at- the-switch parent figure (so you can have some great coming of age confrontations). This parent needs to be male because you want to explore the “men are dogs” angle. The world is over, everything that ever was has ended forever and ever amen . . . so he wants to have sex.
3.) Sex/love/nearly- getting-killed-every -five-minutes object. Get someone with a cutesy name, make sure she’s pretty and helpless. Oh, and yeah, she wants to give everyone a puppy.
4.) You need a tough chick with a gun. Make sure that she is gay, has trouble connecting with her feelings, is a loner, and, although always short tempered and bossy, she has a heart of gold and will die horribly for her “friends.” Give her a cutesy name too. Now, that’s one unique, never-before-been-done character. Spend half the book capitalizing on her cool cursing skills and kick a-- moves. Congratulate yourself.
5.) One tough guy from the ghetto. He had a rough life, distrusts people, is tough, and naturally develops a crush on your dopey teenager. Make sure that he nearly gets eaten at crucial moments but continually snap him out of the jaws of danger with some incredible, death defying survival skills ‘cause he’s from the ghetto and he don’t take no s--- off nobody, most particularly monsters from another planet. The down-pressers have kept him down, but he rises to the new world order and proves a sensitive, yet tough persona with a surprisingly high-IQ and a romantic soul. Congratulate yourself on your originality at this point.
6.) Old people. Chuck ‘em in. They’re slow, but kind, with wise advice and they will be dead within the first ten minutes. The surviving characters will cry a lot and you, the reader, will discover that the survivors have an inner sensitivity despite their newly attained hard-as-nails personas. This always works.
7.) Kids. Have some dead ones lying around so that the reader will be disturbed. Never fails.
8.) Future monster bait. Add random individuals with quirky names so that they can get eaten, foil survival attempts, and put the main characters in constant risk.
9.) Humans gone bad. The main characters will run across said people gone bad and will scare them, talk to them about their evil ways, and then walk off and leave them. Said humans gone bad will follow the main characters and abduct, rape, and eat them but the audience knows that our characters are so good hearted, so humane, that they won’t hurt these people. *Sing a verse of Kumbaya here.*
Get the idea yet? Of course you do. Once again, the old horror stereotypes are back and I thought that civilization had moved onward and upward. *Sigh*
Now, oh sweet mystery of life. . . how annoying. The menacing, poorly described, atypical “monsters” that are supposedly by products of the flood or possibly the strange lightening are, sadly, never explained. For this matter the flood itself and the mysterious lightening are treated as permanent mysteries. So, time for another quick and easy guide:
How to antagonize readers who have followed your story for over 300 pages Deluge style:
1.) Make a big fuss about a cataclysm, hint that you will reveal it. Drive your characters’ dialogue toward said cataclysm and talk about it incessantly. Wonder about it and theorizes about it. Allow it to dominate the tale and entice readers through a plot that you know is about as strong as a wet Kleenex. Morbid curiosity will compel them. Then, after 300 odd pages, end abruptly, as though you had just gotten tired. Act like understanding the cataclysm is so unimportant, you won’t even bother to explain it.
2.) Create a “monster.” Hint at its origins and powers. Wonder if it has intelligent thought, emotions, a social structure. Hint at its deviousness. Then, at the 300 odd pages mark, end abruptly. Never reveal anything about the monster. Move to an isolated portion of Antarctica away from the grasp of angry readers.
3.) Put a main character in dire peril. End abruptly and never reveal what happens to him/her.
4.) Put everyone in dire peril. End abruptly. This method is very effective because it makes the entirety of your story pointless and leaves the reader with a feeling of being dropped instead of being informed.
5.) Defy logic, previous revelations, and common sense. Make your characters do stupid things and then pretend to be serious. This really annoys readers, even more than the abrupt conclusion trick. Readers can’t tell if you, as an author, are really that dumb, or if you are just toying with the audience and aren’t even serious about your own story. This is the best ever way to antagonize a large group of people.
So, are you getting the gist that maybe an abrupt ending and illogical sequences made Deluge slightly annoying?
Okay, so why the two stars? Because, for all the typical, B-Horror Movie “thing that ate Cincinnati” approach, complete with poorly structured storyline, cardboard cut out characters, and an abrupt ending, Deluge had two elements that were working for it. The beginning of the tale was well crafted and the atmosphere and initial character observations were obviously well thought out. Heck, the plot even seemed interesting in the first several chapters. Pity that Morris didn’t stick with it.
The second element that was actually well done was the writing style which was surprisingly tight and even eloquent at times (except when Abby, the dumb teenager, spoke in which case it was just tedious.)
Overall, two small elements in a sea of overt lameness just wasn’t enough to redeem Deluge. So much potential, so little delivery. So in conclusion, Deluge style . . . oh, never mind.
Countess_Eva
Recommended:
No
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Member: Frances Carden
Location: Washington DC
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