PBS started producing food shows decades ago: Julia Child, Jacques Pepin, The Galloping Gourmet, the Frugal Gourmet and many others were a part of many Americans introduction to better cuisine, something outside the meat and potatoes ethos of the dinner table. The Food Network expanded on what PBS started and built a 24-hour cable empire, bringing food porn into our living rooms.  It has spawned countless imitators and made celebrities out of chefs, media style mavens, food writers, and others associated with the restaurant industry.

Now it's the waiter's turn. Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip-- Confessions of a Cynical Waiter by Stephen Dublanica  (2008, Ecco/HarperCollins, 302 pages) tells tales out of the kitchen and in front of the house. Like Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underground by Anthony Bourdain, it's a bit of a boastful memoir, full of sarcasm, with some unpleasant revelations about the restaurant business.

Deep Thought: If you can't afford to leave a tip, you can't afford to eat out. Tip well.

If you've ever been a waiter, this is a book worth reading simply to share in Dublanica's reminisces about the worst customers ever, the a-holes, the celebrities, and the crazy and misguided staffs he has worked with over the years, most of them at a high-end restaurant (expensive) he calls The Bistro, where a 200 dollar dinner check is common and the tip aggravation more so.

(In today's economy that tip quotient might change even further. I've seen tip jars in strange places recently.)

The Bistro boasts high-end entrees, fine wines, artwork on the walls, tablecloths and a clientele that carries an American Express black card. The vast majority are normal people who can afford fine dining.

The small minority (20-percent) are the other kind of customers. The kind that kill the waiter's soul . . . on purpose. They are demanding, childish, and spoiled.  They are out to have a good time at the staff's expense, torturing them for sport. Dick Cheney is probably a personal mentor to these people. (Though they entertain the reader in Dublanica's tales from the high-end restaurant level, they also can be found everywhere and at all levels of the restaurant business. A certain segment of the dining public is indeed psychotic.)

There is sexual intrigue among staff and customers doing it in the bathroom. There is Wall Street high roller who enjoys dining with hookers.

I spent about ten years in the restaurant business in a New Jersey all-night diner (high school, college, and post-college). In many ways, it was the best job I ever had. I remember the allure of money in your pocket at the end of the shift; the cute girls home from college that joined the staff; the Mrs. Robinson older waitresses that showed me other things; the crazy guys in the kitchen; the drunk and obnoxious bar crowd; the nights celebrities came in from the summer performing arts center; and the occasional mystery special. We also had plenty of psychotics. Thankfully, the place was a police hangout and no body ever killed a customer at the diner ... on purpose.

Tales like that are in Dublanica's book as well. He explores the staff's quirks, including pharmaceutical ones, personal demons, hook ups, and substance abuse. The restaurant owner  is a high-energy person and a tad hard to take: bombastic, jealous, and a bit paranoid. The kitchen staff are hard workers and jovial unless you cross them and screw up an order. There is also the aching feet and back at the end of a shift, and the post shift get-togethers at the local watering hole. The female waiters are pretty and sometimes available. Others, not so much.

The book grew out of a Blog (Waiter Rant) that Dublanica started to get his thoughts down at the end of night. He does not reveal too much about himself in the book. He is a former seminarian, worked in the health care field before a layoff found him waiting tables. Or, waiting tables found him. It often works out that way. The restaurant business is the perfect world to hide out in while you try to figure things out. Some never do and become lifers. For others, it's a fine memory from the days when they could carry a tray and balance six coffee cups without a spill. Sometimes, it's just a memory of a smile in a tight uniform.

Dublanica paints himself as something of cynical observer here but also as super waiter too. He criticizes staff and himself at times, but from a distance for the most part. He can be tiresome in his depictions of his strengths and weaknesses, but seems like a well-rounded human being for the most part. He has a good sense of humor and history of the business. He's likeable without being too pushy. There is something of an "act" to the proceedings however. He takes pride in his work and loves good food. The book contains a number of hints for customers and waiters alike, including ways to know you're in the bad restaurant.

Of course, nothing breeds cynicism more readily than spending time dealing with the public. Dublanica has his share of darker impressions of the mostly American public he waits on, and on that score, I do tend to agree with him. We are a very dysfunctional and screwed-up country and a lot of our problems can be observed through the lens of the restaurant business on any level.

Like Bourdain's restaurant memoir, Dublanica's is also the story of the search for himself in some ways. He was a bit of a slacker, a person just getting by at times. The restaurant world gave him a purpose, brought out his writer's gift, and helped him develop his craft with his Blog.  (three stars)

Dublanica also reveals an especially inventive way for dealing with bad customers that most waitpersons will welcome:

"... zip in, drop a silent and deadly fart next to a problematic table and then ..." [p. 182]

Sources
http://waiterrant.net/

Recommended: Yes