shmoo1's Full Review: Christopher Moore - You Suck: A Love Story
Mike:
I was supposed to be in Toronto tonight but I got snowed in, in Boston
Thanks for recruiting the new readers
Gotta go. Tons of mail from the cancellation
Best,
Chris.
This was the e-mail response I received from Christopher Moore on February 14th . On a whim I had sent him one, letting him know that I had just talked up his books in a local Chapters and had a woman laughing so hard that she picked up three different stories. I also gave the man crap because he had no Toronto signing planned for the release of You Suck: A Love Story. In my life I have only ever sent one other e-mail to an author and that was Stephen King. I didn't take Steve's lack of response personally. He's a busy guy. He has eight hundred more books to write (including the one about the possessed printer/copier) and has probably been e-mailed by every person on earth... even pygmies. Personally, if I were really rich and famous, I doubt I would talk to me either. However Steve did set my expectation levels accordingly. I didn't figure I would be hearing back from Mr. Moore.
But I did. It's right up there. Go read it again.
Not only that, but the guy pro-actively added me as a friend on his Facebook account. Now I can throw food at him, add to his fish tank and draw on his graffiti board... bonus!!!
I have no reason to bring this up other than straight bragging rights (I have an e-mail from Chris Moore and you don't, nyaa-nyaa nyaa-nyaa nyaa nyaaaa) and to show you that he's a nice dude. I wonder if he'll remember me when he's old and worth billions.
And so we begin:
“You B*tch, you killed me! You Suck!”
With this first line, Christopher Moore picks up exactly where he left off in Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story which you may want to read first if you're having trouble making sense of this review.
"But Mike," I hear you asking, "Chris released this book back in February. We know you are a fan as you have already clearly stated. You must have bought it eight months ago when you sent him the e-mail. Why are you just reviewing it now?"
That's an excellent question. The answer is “I had to read it multiple times.” I re-read books like I re-watch movies. I want to see if the initial impression I get is a true one or simply the excitement of the moment. So I read it, then put it aside, then re-read. Happily, my first impression was correct. Chris improved on the story.
Jody Stroud, the stunning hot, red headed vampire newbie and main squeeze puppet of nineteen year old author wannabe Tommy Flood, who was just recently born among the undead by a bored 800 year old blood sucker, has not only NOT left town (as she promised soon to be disgruntled cops Cavuto and Rivera) but she has turned her love interest in to an undead play thing as well and Tommy is none to happy about it. The explanation that Jody turned him so that they could be together does nothing to make Tommy more comfortable with this.
People stink, Tommy is disgusted at the thought of drinking from them and whining about how hungry he is, and a simple cup of coffee makes him Technicolor yawn all over the kitchen.
Now Tommy has to go through all the self discovery that Jody went through. He watches as his body heals itself; zits evaporate, minor scars disappear and his foreskin grows back. The one big perk? Hot, psychotic vampire sex. The hickeys alone would kill the average person.
Moore sums up Tommy’s transformation succinctly as can be seen in chapter two of the book:
The Last Poop “So that was it?”
“Yep.”
“Never Again?”
“Nope”
“Not Ever?”
“Nope.”
“I feel like I should save them or something.”
“Would you just flush and come out of there?!?”
Thankfully, Tommy’s initial transition is slightly easier to handle. He has Jody to guide him and they have William a perpetually drunk hobo (and his shaved, obese cat) conveniently stashed in the hallway as an emergency food supply.
So how does Moore improve on an already great story? Well, how about through the introduction of new characters that more than hold their own against an already eclectic and memorable cast.
While Moore brings back The Animals, Officers Cavuto and Rivera (whose dreams of running their own used book shop are quickly evaporating), ancient one Elijah Ben Sapir who is trapped as mist inside a bronze statue of himself, and a dejected Emperor Of San Francisco who feels partially responsible for the beasts that roam the night and the fate of Tommy, he also introduces us to Blue, a former small town beauty queen who had some breast augmentation done, moved to Vegas, dyed her skin a lovely indigo so that she could corner a niche prostitution market, and who is literally trying to screw Tommy’s former Safeway co-workers, The Animals out of half a million dollars of ill gotten booty. It is Blue that reinforces the old saying “Other than the odd serial killer or used car salesman, nobody likes a dead hooker.”
Then we have Abby Normal (who shuns her oppressive Day Slave name of Allison Green), a 16 year old quick tongued, Goth vampire applicant and ecstatic minion to the Dark Lord Flood. First introduced to us as a small player in Moore’s novel A Dirty Job, Abby is all... like... dark and foreboding, attends Alan Ginsberg High School (“Go Fighting Beatniks!”) and keeps constant, overly dramatic diary entries that accentuate the story and move the plot along in first person, adding yet more comedic relief to an already very funny book.
Being The Chronicles Of Abbey Normal: I have failed, left my duties undone, like so much dog poop on the gloaming sidewalk of the tragedy that is my life. Even as I sit here in the Metreon Starbucks, writing this, the froth slaves seem to move like silver-eyed zombies and my non-fat, soy Amaretto Mochaccino has gone as bitter as snake bile. (Which is like, the bitterest bile you can get.) If there wasn’t a totally hot guy two tables away, acting like he doesn’t notice me, I would weep--- but real tears make your mascara run, so I’m staying chilly in my despair. Your loss, cute guy, for I have been chosen. Suffer, b*tch!
Jodie and Tommy are still not left alone to experience the peace of eternity. Sapir (as well as a few new vampires) wants their heads on a platter, dead bodies are still showing up and Cavuto and Rivera are having a hard time looking in other directions and the new minion and her best friend want to join the ranks of the undead.
With the introduction of the new characters and the shift from third person narration to Abbey’s first person, Moore takes a really good book and makes it better. The way he comfortably transforms himself in to a sixteen year old, Goth valley girl is so convincing that it is almost as if two different authors have worked together to create this. Twelve years, and three of Moore’s best books (Lamb, Lovenun and Fluke) separate this sequel from its preceding counterpart and you can clearly see that Moore has grown comfortable with his own absurdity. He takes steps and goes places with no effort that a dozen years before seemed almost clumsy.
In A Dirty Job, there is a forgettable scene involving a red haired woman entering Charlie Asher’s second hand shop and presenting him with an item. We are reminded of that scene here and realize that the red head is Jody, and the item belonged to a person that she has just fed off of. It is small linking details like this that make reading anything by Moore that much more enjoyable.
Moore’s growth as an author and the expansion and acceptance of his own imagination make his present (and future) career exciting to watch. Just when you have an inkling that you know where he’ll go, he takes it a step further.
How do you one up a vampire love story? Add a scheming blue hooker. This is not only a fitting sequel, but also a must have for any Moore fan.
Moores bestseller, now in paperback, is a cheerfully perverse, gut-busting tale of young vampires in love that USA Today describes as a laugh-a-page n...More at Buy.com Marketplaces
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