In My Fantasy, I Have Dry, Cracked Hands That Only Hugh Laurie Can Cure

Every so often, I glance over at my tube of C. O. Bigelow Dr. Hiosous Quince Hand Lotion and wonder about the mysterious neighborhood physician whose name is written across the tube in black, but slightly feminine, cursive ink. The tube divulges only that he commissioned C.O. Bigelow Apothecaries to produce his breakthrough formula with moisture-retaining quince fruit extract and antioxidant-packed carrot oil, but I can’t help but wonder what the story was behind the man.

I picture a smoldering intensity a la Hugh Laurie. I picture a tortured man with gnarled hands and ruffled hair that add complexity to his otherwise handsome, well-scrubbed stature. He sits at his desk writing notes about a resistant case of dry hands that he just can’t seem to crack. A small, attractive woman who compulsively washes her hands begs him for something, anything to take the redness away.

Then it hits him. He remembers the quince tree from his grandmother’s back yard that stood strong through the cruelest weather. Quince! Yes, yes! That’s it! He rushes down to C.O. Bigelow Apothecaries and mumbles something to the chemist about the woman and the fruit from that great tree, and hand lotion history was made.

What a Quince-idence

Last fall, I was in Bath & Body Works (don't look so surprised) searching for a hand lotion that I could carry around in my bag to relieve my dry, cracked hands. Eucerin is great for winter hands, but the gigantic tubs don’t fit well in my already overstuffed bag. They just happened to be promoting this hand lotion in the C.O. Bigelow corner of the store.

This product comes in a generous 4 ounce yellow and black tube that stands upside down on its black flip-top cap. The packaging makes it easy to carry and the cap stays snapped shut while en route. I was attracted to the C.O. Bigelow marketing, which made me believe that I was standing in the middle of a small, wooden apothecary built on Sixth Avenue below Ninth Street in New York in 1838 instead of an enormous, austere CitiBank center made of steel and glass.

At the time, Bath & Body Works was selling lots of hot, new products for chapped lips and hands, but this one seemed to stand out because of its unusual primary ingredient. Truthfully, I don’t know whether or not quinces grow on trees, or even whether “quinces” is the appropriate plural for the singular “quince,” but I was captivated by quince just the same.

This lotion is labeled as fragrance-free, but it has a very pleasant, fruity scent that I might attribute to apples or pears mixed with lemon if quince was never mentioned in the product name. It is a thick, light yellow lotion that is just a little bit too thin to be considered a cream. It slides out of the little black dispensing whole as an intact little worm all year round and isn’t messy at all. It smoothes on and spreads well on my hands, sinking in after a few minutes or so. The smell remains on my hands, but doesn’t interfere with any other fragrances or lotions I’ve put on during the day. If I need a shot of quince, I can simply smell my fingers.

No One Can Succeed Like Dr. Hiosous

O.k., well, that’s not entirely true. I just bought a hand cream from L’Occitane that works better than this one, but it doesn’t smell as good and I love the Beatles, so I’m still giving the performance part of my review that heading.

After applying C.O. Bigelow Dr. Hiosous Quince Hand Lotion, my hands really do feel like there’s some “smooth, glove-like barrier” action going on. They’re slightly viscous, which I sometimes enjoy and sometimes don’t. It doesn’t seem to sink in the way Eucerin does, but it also doesn’t get so greasy and unwieldy. I wouldn’t count on this hand lotion alone to get me through a Chicago winter, but it does work the way it describes and it looks pretty on my dresser. It ignites fantasies about its origins works well as a primer for manicures.

This is a solid four-star hand lotion that locks in moisture. I’ve had it since last fall and have only used about half of the four ounce tube. I’ve never taken C.O. Bigelow up on their offer to get a “special treatment” out of it by applying it liberally in the evening and wearing cotton gloves “to awaken in the morning to silky, soft hands,” but I’m sure it wouldn’t disappoint. I prefer to use a heavier, oiler cream for that kind of treatment.

What They Say
And they say it in an Old World serif font at www.bigelowchemists.com: No. 007 Our original formulary hand lotion is a one-of-a-kind skin softening preparation that imparts a smooth, glove-like barrier to dry hands. Dr. Hiosous, a neighborhood physician, commissioned Bigelow to create this special formula with moisture-retaining Quince Fruit Extract and antioxidant-packed Carrot Oil.

The product is not tested on animals.

Ingredients (Taken From the Packaging)
Water, Cyclopentasiloxane, Glyceryl Stearate, Glycerin, Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea Butter), Caprylic/Capric Triglyceride, Myristyl Myristate, Steareth-21, Butylene Glycol, Dimethicone, Steareth-2, Cetyl Aclohol, Stearyl Alcohol, Chaenomeles Japonica (Quince) Seed Extract, Chaenomeles Sinensis (Quince)Fruit Extract, Pyrus Malus (Apple) Fruit Extract, Vacciniumm Myrtillus (Bilberry) Extract, Saccharum Officinarum (Sugar Cane) Extract, Citrus Aurantium Dulcis (Orange) Fruit Extract, Citrus Medica Limonum (Lemon) Fruit Extract, Silica, Daucus Carota Sativa (Carrot) Root Extract, Beta-Carotene, Vitis Vinifera (Grape) Seed Oil, Glycine Soja (Soybean) Oil, Cetyl Palmitate, Jojoba Esters, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Panthenol (pro-Vitamin B5), Tocopherol (Vitamin E), Citrus Grandis (Grapefuit) Fruit Extract, Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Leaf Extract, BHT, Disodium EDTA, Phenoxyethanol, Methylparaben, Propylparaben.

For More Information
C.O. Bigelow Apothecaries
1-800-395-4004

Overall
I don’t know much about quince or about Dr. Hiosous, but I know that this is a good hand lotion for those who don’t mind having a silky, viscous feeling on their hands throughout the day. It’s a little pricey at $15, but I’ve been using it for almost a year and I’m only about half way through the bottle.


Recommended: Yes