Pros: Wild and original, a place, a book and a series unlike any other...
Cons: There are only eight of them...
The Bottom Line: Alice in Wonderland meets Buck Rogers in a Mack Sennet's Keystone Kops classic during a Night of the Living Dead marathon. Just buy it, okay!
WulfsDen's Full Review: John Dechancie - Castle Perilous
Castle Perilous is a magical castle that sits at the nexus of myriad different universes and dimensions. The castle has 144,000 doors or portals. These doors open to different worlds, times and dimensions.
* * *
It was large, maybe seven, eight feet, walked on two legs, and was covered head to foot with silky white fur. Oh, and the head. The head was smallish, but the mouth was not, agleam with razor-edged teeth and curved three-inch fangs. Bone-white claws tipped its fingers. Its shoulders were almost as broad as the beast was tall, and from them hung long sinewy arms. But with all that bulk it was fast. And it was coming towards him.
Somewhere in Gene's mind, a part that had not yet turned the consistency of Cream of Wheat, he was thinking, Movie, their filming a movie. Oh yes, that's what it is.
As the beast neared, the glow from the jewel-torch fired it's eyes, luminous yellow agates. An alien intelligence burned within them, fierce, cruel, and inhuman.
The sound of the hell-beast shook the passageway.
But the white-furred thing ran right past him -- and as it went by, it spoke.
It said, "Run, you fool!"
* * *
I know what attracted me to Castle Perilous. It was the cover. In the foreground is a clearing, surrounded by trees and through a gap in the trees you can see a huge fairy-tale castle. In the clearing two men are playing golf, with a velociraptor and a man-sized triceratops acting as caddies. A young man in centurion armor stands next to a medieval lady, watching the game. She is eating a cheeseburger and drinking a cola. Towering over them is a eight foot tall horned yeti, carrying a halberd. A full-scale T-rex, peers out at the party from behind a tree, while in the very foreground, a number of mouse sized brontosaurs graze in a mushroom patch.
Okay, so much for the plot summary, on with the rating. What? You want more? Well, I suppose...
Castle Perilous is the first in a series of eight books by John DeChancie. These books are set in and around Castle Perilous.
Castle Perilous is a magical castle that sits at the nexus of myriad different universes and dimensions. The castle has 144,000 doors or portals. These doors open to different worlds, times and dimensions. Some doors are fixed, allowing their immediate vicinity to be used as tourist spots by the castle inhabitants. Some doors move, some blink on-and-off, and some doors are one way. Some open to pleasant places and some to almost certain death. There is even a door to hell, though most people try to avoid that one.
The Castle itself tends to move around, with rooms and corridors misbehaving at every possible opportunity. Sometimes, even a simple journey to the dining room for breakfast can be a long and dangerous quest.
There are three types of people in Castle Perilous: friends & family, staff, and guests.
The owner of the castle is Lord Protector Incarnadine, Inky to his friends, an ancient and powerful sorcerer and a direct descendant of the Castle's creator. His family, which includes his brother Trent, sister Ferne and a host of others, tend to be a dangerous and greedy lot. His friends, many of whom are also skilled sorcerers, are just as unreliable, particularly his ex-girlfriends, who seem to be the type that hold a grudge, often for millennia.
A huge staff are required to run and guard this castle, but the most notable are Osmirik the librarian and Jeremy the programmer. Osmirik is the ultimate source of all knowledge. Jeremy, a new hire who was once a guest, programs the castle mainframe. However, his programs tend to warp reality, which would make him very dangerous, if he was not so intent on programming himself a girlfriend.
The guests? Hmmmm? How do you describe the guests? They are creatures and people from all times, places and dimensions who have stumbled through a portal and decided to stay. Why shouldn't they? They are given free food and board for as long as they want it, or, more likely, for as long as they survive. After all, there is a reason that it is called Castle Perilous.
Most notable among the guests are Gene, Linda, Sheila, and Gene's best friend Snowclaw, the Yeti from the cover. Also Thaxton and Dalton, two middle age men who simply love to play golf. There are plenty of other guests too, but I will leave you to discover them for yourself. Oh! One more thing. Anyone who stays in Castle Perilous for any period of time tends to develop a talent. Gene becomes a master swordsman, Linda a conjurer, and Sheila... Well, it's best not to mess with Sheila.
John DeChancie's writing is... er... unique. It is light hearted and funny, but I can't exactly explain why it is funny. Can you explain why Monty Python was funny? No? I thought not, so don't complain. No, Castle Perilous is nothing like Monty Python. I told you, it's unique. Do try to keep up.
The writing is brilliantly imaginative, totally unpredictable, incredibly beautiful and grotesquely gruesome, all at the same time. It ranges from quirky through weird and out into insane. At times it is fantasy, at times science fiction, and at others it’s a Marx Brothers romp.
In most of the Perilous series there are several plot threads running at the same time. It is like an anthology of short stories with the chapters jumbled up. However, the stories often meet and interlink with each other, and sometimes when they cross, characters will jump ship from one storyline and start helping with another. It is really like nothing else I have ever read in that regard. Perhaps its uniqueness is why these books have not reached all the audience they deserve.
Each book in the series is short, very short. Unless you are a very slow reader, you should be able to read one in an evening. The whole series isn't much longer than a single Wheel of Time doorstop. Oh, and one final word about the cover. The fabulous covers are on the first edition. The current covers are a stylized silhouette of a castle, and differ only in the background color. Oh well. So much for art.
In the first book of the series, Castle Perilous is in trouble. Melydia, a powerful sorceress and one of Incarnadines ex-lovers, has returned and she has brought 50,000 friends with her. Caught by surprise Castle Perilous is under magicked and understaffed. It will have to rely on help from the guests. One problem -- most of them have no idea that the Castle is under attack.
This book is well written, creative, imaginative, and unlike anything else I have read. As one of the two best books in the series, I will have to give it five stars.
The books appear to be out of print. However, it is available at thousands of Ebook outlets all over the web. If you, like me, would prefer the nifty covers, they you will probably have to troll the used book stores
If you would like to actually see the covers I have described, you can find them on the official John DeChancie web site:
http://www.johndechancie.com/
There is also a free mini-novel there to read, an official guest book, and you can email the author.
Imagine life in an ironically magical world where 144,000 doors separate fiction from reality. A place that can hypnotize even the most grounded philo...More at Buy.com
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